Tuesday, September 30, 2008

the last few days of september

"I've never seen so much yellow"...I am quoting Melanie from a few years back. We'd drive by fields like this and she would emit this phrase, which was always so cute. We still tease her about this and she almost gets mad. but deep down, I'm crying because she's not that itty bitty girl anymore. sigh.

Levi really likes his Sunday School teacher and asked if he could sit with her at Sunday's church dinner...he talked her ear off. (I will have to learn her name this coming Sunday)

Molly and Katie cheesing for the camera at said lunch. Pretty little girls!

Melanie's piano teacher has a box of chalks on her porch for waiting siblings to play with (I'm assuming here). Levi took advantage at yesterday's lesson...what nice drawings, Tiny.
He has really been into wearing hats lately. This is his Santarossa hat.

Here is my afternoon delight. Thanks Momma! Half caff Americano, 2 pumps pumpkin spice, 1 pump white chocolate, half and half with whip on top. If u look closely, you can see my friends' garage. Hi friend. u know who you are. I saw your hubby in the front window. hope you guys heard me honking and saw me waving.

O whatta whirlwind month we have just been through.
Can you buhleeeeeve that it's the first day of October?
Can you buhleeve that I'm going to get worse in the nostalgia department?
Are you going to keep coming to check out this blog, even so?
Please. pleasepleaseplease do.
I need some pic taking inspiration. Velvet always manages to get some really cool shots that she posts on her blog...and I guess I am missing THAT creative gene. got any helpful hints, o West Coast Beauty? Maybe I could take pics of all the crazy midwesterners withdrawing all their money from the banks. Or the diverse bumper stickers that you see around election time...I wish I'd had my cam with me at the Nissan dealer today. I struck up some convo with a very nice widowed lady...it was her first time buying a car since her hubby passed away three years ago. We got talking about checkbooks, checking accounts and how some people should just NOT be allowed to have them. (her and I).....soooooo, yes, Mom, I've turned into you.
And quite frankly, I'm ok with that.
love you mom. you too dad.
these are some totally and completely random shots from Sunday to now...hope the pix from last night didn't freak you out too badly. the childbirth pic is pretty tame. (you could come over and watch 4 of my 5 birth videos, if you are a girl, of course. Always a good time. always. and such excellent birth control. and a reminder to get a better hairdo before delivery day...anyways....)
Ok, time for school with Levi. Hope you are having a wonderful Wednesday...enjoying this lovely mild weather. I loooooooooooove it! Fall, you ROCK!

Monday, September 29, 2008

The frump of which I spoke...and a very cute baby boy

I. hate. getting. MY. picture. taken. that's it. so I tend to make horrible faces...my coping mechanism. this is me, 21 years old, 3 weeks exactly before giving birth to Will Franklin. not sure what my hair is doing here. I love my belly and the big old 8 pound + baby inside! Where did this time go?

Will's big moment...you know what I love best about this picture from nearly 14 years ago? my white head band. so vain.

This is a fun one for a few reasons...is it ok if I reminisce here? ok, thanks...Moms, you know that exhilarating feeling you get once you deliver your baby, especially with no pain meds? that is what is happening here. I felt like I was Queen of the world. So glad to be alive, to have lived through the act of transition and childbirth...Mary Ann, awesome midwife, is examining our sweet 8 lb. 11 oz boy to the left. I'm talking to some mysterious person behind her (I was probably hallucinating). My brother Andy is trying to feed me some scrambled eggs. ick. I also love my extremely swollen feet (they were horrible with Will). I can still remember all these details...all the people coming over after church to see what had happened. and the midwife sitting by me, getting agitated because I wouldn't stop talking or showing off our fresh new son! Will, whatta nice introduction into parenting you were for your Dad and I. I can't believe I'm not that 21 year old chick anymore. where was David? probably straightening up, vacuuming, pacing, freaking out.

here's what goes thru my head when I see this picture...ummm, take a bath, greaser. and lose the white headband and weird shirt. And then the sweet thoughts turn on...oh, look at that cherub baby...he is ONE DAY OLD here and so perfect and chubby...I want to sniff that little head one more time. kiss his too soft but very red cheeks...remember this Mom, Beck??

These pix are for u, Tory dear...I get really disgustingly nostalgic...all the time...but especially when Will's birthday rolls around, since he was my first kid...what is it about that? I think it must be the autumn season...dunno.

David and I have been sooo very blessed with incredible birth experiences, each and EVERY time. On top of THAT, each kid has been extremely healthy, beautiful and for that, we thank the Lord, and do not take that for granted one bit. I am so honored to have been pregnant with each of my beautiful children. Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, and Molly...you complete me, us. You each are exactly how I imagined my kids to be when playing that fun game of LIFE, when you graduated, married and filled your little game piece car up with blue or pink pegs...

Excuse the drippy nostalgia...I just don't say it enough....I love you, WEMLM! more than words can say.

Ok, nighty night...love and peace to you, whoever you are. :)

Mom jeans

Hip, Hip, Hooray!!
That's all I got tonight, folks! Trying to dig up pix to bore you with ... found a few fun ones.
Be back later...

Friday, September 26, 2008

I'll believe it when I see it...

Got a pamphlet in the mail from AT&T yesterday. Talking about something new they are offering called u-verse. I made David call them today. He talked to a nice guy named Will (nice name).

As it stands now, on October 15, 2008, a technician will show up at our house somewhere between 8 am -12 pm. They will be here for 4-6 hours. They will make my computer wireless. We will have a very very basic "cable" installed as well, with some HD channels. E and Will are excited about this because we will have a History channel, animal planet and discovery. I think they all think this means they will be able to lounge around and eat bon bons while watching Hannah Montana, or something like that. We will also be able to record up to 4 shows on DVR...what is that? We enjoy some episodes of LHOTP, I Love Lucy, Monk, and movies...but for the most part, we don't watch regular TV (unless we are at my mom's house)...as I listen to Levi watch a Blue's Clues DVD.

Ya know what this means though? We will get to watch Monk now, Tory!! Yah! if we keep the cabley aspect of this. We are just so excited to have hi-speed wireless!

I will truly believe it when they are done installing it and have me up and running.

I'll be back later, out the door to run a few errands.

**Edit: I just re-read this post and I sound very unbelieving. if you know me, you, well, you just know me. Thank you for all of your fun responses...I can't wait to be like all of you out there in cyberworld.

fallen trees and buff boys

these are two separate piles of firewood. we will be set for 2009/2010...when, I'm sure, the gas prices will be even moreso through the roof.

Here's David, cashing in on Jose's hard work...

seems I didn't get any good close up shots

Will and E working with Jose, a guy on David's crew. work is slow right now so instead of putting Jose back into the "pool", D. kept him busy cutting our trees up, stacking and such. Did he do a lousy job? "No Way, Jose"...ok, I know, that was bad but I wanted to implement that somewhere in this post.

Killing three birds with one stone...here the boys are doing the Jillian Michaels video... after a long day of yardwork, a man's work is never done!

Howdy folks!
What's new over your way?
I know these tree cutting pictures are quite riveting...
We kinda think they are. we've already gone through one chainsaw and are on our 2nd. We have to 2 amazing piles of firewood...all of the branches and brushy stuff is cleaned up, the next two trees we would like to cut down are ready to go! We are busy bees. Good work, Will, Ethan, David, Jose, and Melanie (Levi even contributed...Good Job kiddo!)
I will wax eloquent no more...time to clean up the joint. Hope you are having a relaxing weekend. I'm not (choose joy. choose. joy.)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

little glimpses

Yes, I let Levi paint. He loves it.

I've been trying to keep the TV off during the day but Levi loves PBS Kids, so I will let him watch it while the older kids do their work...I can't stand the sound of the TV on during the day (or at night really), and on top of that, it's a magnet (duh). If it's on, the older kids manage to find a way into the living room...even if it's only Barney singing his trademark ditty. Here we caught Molly doing her little dance to the song Barney and crew were singing here.

binocular eyes

" Will, why aren't you doing your work?"

"I'd rather lay in this pile of matchbox cars, if that's ok"

Ethan "grasps" more information if he is able to work in a way that is comfortable to him.

Melanie, looking up the definitions of some election words. yikes. bipartisan? caucus? quorum? propaganda? (which we couldn't even find in one of our newer dictionaries. interessssting)

"Do you like my pritty dress??" (what movie is that from, anyone?)

I'm not pregnant. But it sure seems like it the way I've been nesting lately. I'm not. I'm really not. (Becky, Mom, I'm not, promise) so someone please explain to me why I don't want to go anywhere? at all. (though I am quite excited to meet for coffee tonight, B)

could it be that gas is expensive, groceries are going up, people's attitudes are getting stinkier?

I dunno. I just wanna stay home. with my pumpkin spice candles, ironing board, and piles of clean clothes.

These shots are from the past couple days...I love the flexibility that homeschooling allows. You can allow each kid to do their schoolwork in positions and places that will cause them to actually do said schoolwork. Will and Mel thrive in a structured place...say, the island, with all of their paraphernalia nice 'n' neat next to them. E., on the other hand, likes to sprawl out somewhere, maybe the couch today, his bed the next. I've got to watch that one though. He will "accidentally" misplace his work...

Levi is doing quite well with his desire to learn and actually putting out some decent Kindy work. He is grasping the concept that the letters in his name must be in a certain order. He loves, loves, loves cutting and is doing quite well recognizing his letters. All in all, we are on track.

Now if I could find a good writing program.

good customer service IS hard to find...

I'm a people person.

I don't necessarily have good eye contact all the time.

I like it when my cashier greets me, makes small talk, acknowledges that I've just dropped a wad of money at the store that pays their check. AND says good bye, thank you for shopping here...blah blah blah.

I was in Meijer the other night. I had all FIVE of my kids with me. I sent the boys out to the car with Molly and Levi. (they are responsible and aware. usually)

I chose Cristina's lane. Big mistake. I've chosen Cristina's lane before and vowed to avoid it like the plague. I gave her another chance. Thought maybe the first time she was having a bad day, whatever.

I walked into her lane, said HI, finished emptying my cart, pulled up to the debit machine and proceeded to get quite aggravated because she hadn't said ANYTHING, and had only sighed to herself that being on lane 15 that night WAS TOO MUCH for her. I mean, heck, does she not have a JOB?

By half way thru this torture, putting my bags into the cart (with Mel's help) my shock grew. Then this older dude walks up behind me, plops his 2 items down, and she, very loudly and almost amiably, says to him, "Ohh, I'm not done yet!!". She still hasn't said anything to me and barely made any eye contact. (ooo, I'm steamy annoyed). Finishes my order, DOESN'T even tell me my total, which, may I tell you was over 100 bucks...could I get some decent customer service for this fee, PLEASE???

When I finished up my part and got ready to push out of lane 15, she sighs very mousily "thank you"
not even loud enough to hear.

I think I had smoke coming out of my ears...I calmly walked over to guest services. Be our Guest. Be our Guest. Put our service to the test...yup, that's what I was gonna do.

After Gertie at the desk got done selling the dude in front of me every lottery ticket EVER, I walked up to her and told her, while pointing to the different front line managers, main store managers pictures hanging up on the wall, that I didn't see any of them present but I felt it necessary to point out the complete lack of courtesy given to me by Cristina...

Granted, I murmur. We all do in our own ways. I was very calm and decent, not ranting and raving at all, and I just feel like they would want to know that their employees are giving their company a bad name. I had just started shopping at Meijer again after not going there often because back in the spring, was dealt with very nastily by a little blonde bimbo cashier there....so I made sure to tell front desk Gertie that I would probably not be back and while I know that doesn't hurt a company as big and global as Meijer, it sure makes me feel better. I did do the survey that is on every receipt for Meijer...and got to give my 2 cents there as well!

I will tell all my friends about this too...that's why I'm boring you with this...demand good customer service...is Meijer not an American company? I think they still are (I will have to ask Charmaine about this).

I guess I will stay a Target girl. they just don't have as good of a selection and their produce is non-existent and too highly priced.

Oook. Thank you for letting me rant and rave. I will try to dig up some pix to make up for this befuddled mess.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tall hair, weird expressions you've seen on my kids, and li'l memories

Couldn't you just squeeze this little face?
I can't believe this boy will be 14 in less than one month. It's always hardest to cope with growing kids when your first one goes through all of his/her changes...pave the way, Will.

Can you believe how teeny tiny E is here?
I knew he had grown some but c'mon....this makes me feel really old.

These next few pix have no point...just a little walk down memory lane for me...

I was talking to someone the other night about big hair...and I had it. All of the pix that I'm thinking of, I can't find them tonight...but in digging, I found this one of me at my cousin Dawn's open house, making a total Levi face. nice collar, Laura.

Our church youth group went on some pretty cool trips...this one was to, well, duh, Niagra Falls. Here I am with Emma...she looks like she wanted to shove me into the falls, huh? she was jealous of my hair.

Sweet 16 and who would want to kiss this? I was quite excited here because my mummy and pappy surprised me with a little three diamond ring...apparently, I needed to get out more. or spanked more. My Grandma (to the left) was probably saying (out loud, because she always said EXACTLY what she was thinking) "Ohhh, Jim's daughter is an idiot. What's with her hair, Lane? Comb your hair, Laura!"

I think I won awards for the tallest, stiffest hair. At another point in my life, I was notorious for bright fuschia lips...nothing reserved about this gal. This smirk below? Total Will, dontcha think?

I'm supposed to be watching a movie with Mel...what, with the boys over at Tom's, Molly sleeping, and David at work...she has me all to herself. She's so lucky.

We are watching a movie called "Fairy Tale: A True Story" upon the recommendations of friend and fellow blogger, Stickers. So far, so good.

Ok, four posts in one day. A record I do believe.

Hey, if you notice the followers linky thingy on the right hand side of my blog, would you click on the part that says "follow" and join up? I want to make it look like I have lots of friends and followers. I know my dad won't sign up but I will sign my mom up...c'mon, do it.

Good night, faithful friends and followers of the ex-big haired, bright pink lipped wonder!!

this time last year

Sorry for posting YET again...I had to get the GW coloring down the line a bit.

Can you believe it's almost October? Where has this year gone? This time last year, I had this little chubbette laying around my house. she didn't do anything except squeal, smile, cuddle, eat, poo, sleep...today? climbing up on everything, getting everything out, leaving a trail of madness that I have to keep picking up...I love it. I do. it just makes me laugh. she's like all of her siblings rolled into one little ball of fire.

pistol. spitfire. whirling dervish. sweet little punk.

Maybe I will take some cute pix today of just my girls. All 3 boys are heading over to a "sleepover" at Uncle Tom's. whew. see ya, boyos. thanks, Tom. are you sure you wanna do this? (please don't read this post till I've dropped the boys off to you)

I'm outta here. I'm boring myself horribly.

History...2008 boy style

I don't want any condescending comments. I know what George Washington looked like and so does Will.

Call this comic relief.

Call this active imagination.

Will's actual coloring is quite nice.

To Stickers, from Becky

Stickers, I got this in an email today. Becky sent it...pretty funny huh?
Where's the scary orange one?
These are my Tuesday afternoon thoughts.
We are working on our Elections Unit Study...it's good stuff but I'm kinda bored right now...the kids are coloring pix of George Washington (yes, even my 8th grader, who just happens to be the most artistically-gifted one, is coloring)...and he brought me his first GW pic and he made him look like Joker (see "Dark Knight" with Christian Bale and Heath Ledger). I'll have to blog it because it was quite unexpected and there is absolutely no disrespect meant here...ya gotta admit it, GW had some crazy wiggage!
Until then...L

Monday, September 22, 2008

weekend update

This picture is significant for many reasons, some of which I won't bore you with, but this girl is not even 15 months old yet. She watched the big kids for a minute or two, when we first got into the park...it didn't take her very long and she figured out how to go up the stairs, up the steps, to the highest slide (not high for us but for her? yeah)...she'd throw herself down and slide her buns down ... back around again, and again. Tom got a cute little video of it but of course, I know not how to get that on here and besides, with dial up, it would take me two days to upload it...it's taken me most of this day to get these pix up here. I find it's better to blog in the middle of the night...they upload in super high speed (for me).

I didn't take any pix of Levi in the park (loser) because he was hiding the whole time...

Monday, Monday. Can't trust that day....

I have no reason not to trust it, it's just hard to get going in the right direction again. ahhhh!
~Saturday was all soccer...Levi actually kicked the ball! Woo Hoo! His coach (Wendy) and I shared a moment of utter surprise across the field!

~Melanie had a double "header" and won both of her games...she played hard and did a good job! In her first game, we got to hear the referee threaten the other team's coach. "If I have to talk to you again, I will be kicking u out of this game, sir!"

~The boys won 2-0...and to think they didn't even want to be there. It was hot, and when you have 3 games to endure, it makes ya kinda bitter in the muggy September heat. We must not be cut from the soccer cloth...imagine if we were a part of a travel team??? We like soccer, but on our terms. Thanks for coming out to the kids' games, Beck, Piper, Nora and Tom...you guys rock!

~That night, David and I were planning to go to the Irish Fest with Jeff and Nicky...rain moved in and we ended up at Cheesecake Factory (David and I were first timers)...it was nice to get out of the house, away from inquiring kid minds (we love our kids) and to just be "grown-up" for a minute or two (that's how fast it went)...though, from the looks of some of the pix I took, I am hardly grown up. Couldn't let an evening pass by where I put chocolate on my teeth. David was thrilled...Jeff wasn't surprised either and Nicky was a bit freaked out. I'm a classy dame!

such a non-flattering photo of me, what's new? I need my hair cut really, really bad but I am not photogenic. David, on the other hand, is trying to look like this. He loves my chocolate on the teeth hillbilly impression EVERY TIME!

~We vowed to get to bed earlier that night, ended our date by 11:15, picked up Levi at my sister's house, rented "Unbreakable" (3rd movie in our M. Night Shymalan marathon)...got home to Mom and the rest of the crew and proceeded to watch said movie when we got home, well after midnight...great movie, doesn't do much for my sleeping patterns though. We had the windows open that evening, which freaked me out anyways, but then I kept "hearing" things, spooking myself with the woodland creatures around here...something was mewling outside the windows so I had Davey boy get up with me to check it out. It was such a Brady Bunch moment. "Mike, get your shotgun"...hee hee. different show.

~Amazing worship service yesterday...we really enjoy the 45-60 minutes of true worship, communion, to no one but the one true God. Good message by Pastor Randy on John 12. Great, caring people...we continue to be blessed!

~I'm adopting something that my dear cuz, Tory, does at the end of her posts ...Things I learned today include the following: It doesn't pay to stay up late on Saturday night...watching one of "those" Shymalan movies especially. Another thing? a "Christian" singer that I used to listen to back in the 90's, Ray Boltz (Watch the Lamb, Thank You, etc), came out of the "closet"...that bothers me more than I thought it would and it just doesn't match up...Lastly, when you get 9 kids together on a Sunday evening in a clean house, you CAN keep it that way. not without some diligence, but it can be done.

Now if my pix would upload. I love dial up. I love dial up. Choose JOY. Choose JOY.
update: It's now 3 pm, 9/22/08. I've been uploading pix one at a time all day...and now I'm over it...I've got to look into some form of high speed...David talks about it like it makes sense to him but it makes no sense to me whatsoever, what is available, how it works, blah blah blah. Help!! Hellllp. See ya later...much later.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Mental Blocks, uprooted trees, and Rich Mullins

here is the tree that we lost last Sunday, when Ike's remnants swept thru...Tree #2 that we've lost...it split in two and one part went into the neighbor's yard and part #2 landed on the big tree that we lost in July...and to think, I saw both of them fall. opened the door at just the right moment twice. weird.

I'm a bit of an exaggerator but I do believe this landed about 20-30 feet from our pool (which I need to close up before October)
Ethan, you will build great things when you are a man...

Drafting with Dad 101. Shirts are optional. Here are the big boys making the second beam for the upper porch. living life, gaining experience, all in the comfort (well, this doesn't look so comfortable) of your own home, with dad as your teacher.

~I've been having a really horrible blog block lately...Tory, is this normal to go thru when you write often?

~I've always journaled but nothing daily, so this everyday blogging is a bit tough. I do enjoy it though, so patience with me while I go thru this blah blah time is much appreciated. Keep coming back, k?

~11 years ago today, Christian music lost a true talent, gifted singer/musician, and voice of truth. Rich Mullins died in a car accident at the age of 41...not wearing a seatbelt, flipped his Jeep, and was killed when an oncoming tractor-trailer hit him. Youch. This is the song I bet he was singing as he passed from this life to the eternal one...

The lyrics of one of my favorite Rich Mullins songs follows:

Hold Me Jesus

Sometimes my life just don't
make sense at all
When the mountains look so
And my faith just seems so small


So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm
shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my
Won't you be my Prince of

And I wake up in the night and
feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul I
There must be blisters on my

repeat chorus

Surrender don't come natural (that is NOT proper English :))
to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Then to take what You give
that I need
And I've beat my head against
so many walls
I'm falling down, I'm falling on
my knees

And this Salvation Army band
is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so
It makes my resistance seem
so thin


He was kind of a funny dude...
Anyways, I started this post on Friday evening, the pix took 6 hours to upload and now here we are..Saturday. Time to get up for Levi's soccer game...and then home to clean, lay Molly down, beat MY head against the wall, and head back out for Mel's soccer double header, and the boys' game...ahhhh. Choose JOY, choose JOY...I've got the JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY down in my heart. WHERE? down in my heart (remember this old church song??) Joy is so much more mature than happiness....it means putting a smile on your face and in your attitude in spite of the how much you don't want to.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
the prize at the end of the day is an evening out with my hubby...we are going to Indy's Irish Fest downtown at Military Park...I can't WAIT for some grown up time!! woo hoooooooo! thanks, Mom, for keeping the kids. YOU ROCK!
I'm outta here

Did I mention that I was able to exchange my Canon the other day? these pix above were taken with my new magical camera...10 megapixels, 3" screen...whoa nelly!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

This post is all over the place

Classic Levi and one of our all-time favorites around here. 2005 baby

This is David's "Garth" look (see "Wayne's World" or our 2001 appearance on Fox 59 morning newscast with Cody Stark. Yes, we are local celebs. and yes, you can have our autographs.) "Dude, if you're gonna spew, spew into this!"

I'm just a young momma here (nice hair but THIS is my natural color)...with my one easy, cheerful, perfect boy, Will. May 1995. I had no clue and my outfit proves this. (rag skirts and crochet vests WERE in.)

The 3 Amigos. This was E's 6th birthday and he wanted to have blue hair for it. it's all spikey and blue but the gel/glue was killer. they. were. so. little. and. cute.

April 2002 ~ groovy pants, Mel. nice skin-colored shirt.
June 2004...this one makes me weepy. Will making his Dick Van Dyke face. E. and Mel w/ those killer peepers.

Reader's Digest is always good for some laughs....thought I'd share some with ya!

Forgot to change my picture positiony thingy...so sorry about the clumpy pics. The 3 above are pretty self-explanatory. This was Molly yesterday...when she had just hurled for the first time in her sweet life.
The porch beams are pretty nifty, if I do say so. Here are my men working hard and still smiling and choosing JOY. I can't wait to see how massive this porch will seem when the rafters are up and we are sitting out there, sipping our coffee....ok, well that may be next fall but this girl can dream.
Good Work on the porch, David, Will, and Ethan...You guys are so manly and hard-working. Good work, Mel, keeping the house straightened, piano practice, baby entertained, math completed, etc. etc. etc. she is such a good momma already. Levi, thanks for making such a mess with whatever food you are carrying around the house (against our wishes), drinking all of my coffee, and making matchbox trails for all of us to trip on...Good job, Molly, getting better, eating some and not hurling or pooing on everything this evening.
I will end this now...I'm driving myself crazy so I know I must be doing the same to you. you know you love it...that's why u keep coming back. my insanity reassures you. I'm ok with that. :)
~O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8
~My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works. Psalm 73: 26, 28
~Just a few rich morsels from God's Word for you tonight...don't let my so-called "insanity" fool you. I trust in something so much bigger than any politician, gas price hike, stock market plunge, HDTV conversion can promise...And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. (John 17:3) The same yesterday, today and forever!
Good night! God Bless you tonight, in whatever situation you find yourself. If I know you, and I know what it is, I'm praying for you! Hug, hug, hug, hug, hug (that's for you Andy...remember those? U too Heather and baby Luke)