Wednesday, July 9, 2014


So glad to have Molly Christine Young in our lives. She is the reason I started this can thank her ..... or not.

Anyways, if you go back to the archives of June and July of 2007, I removed some of those posts because I thought it would free up space. Bummer. Recalling the events surrounding Molly's birth are so fun (and so different from any of her siblings) and I realize and cherish that she was to be my last living, breathing of those things you wish you'd paid more attention to, thanked the Lord more for but I have no regrets. About any of it.

I hope your 7th birthday was as fun for you as it was for us...

More later but this ol' lady is tired tonight.


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Happy 3rd birthday, dear boy

Jack Oliver Young
Oh, how missed you are

I think about the amazing people I probably wouldn't have met if he hadn't left
There are too many to name. I could start and it'd take days

I also think about how my life would've gone on in the same, ungrateful way
Yeah, I could talk the "talk" (Christianese) and seem to walk the walk

and I believe my soul wanted more than my flesh could give it
so I'd been praying, in that challenging pregnancy,

He did
Not in ways I would've ever ever ever expected
but HE DID

I can honestly say that on Thursday evening, June 30, 2011, 
I was held in my Heavenly Father's arms

Call it silly
Call it magical
Call it make believe
but I was there
and so was He
(He'd been there all along)

It's nice having a moment in time when I felt His presence
and reassurance that, though this path will be hard,
I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.

As I stood up in the tub, after Jack's body was whisked away, along with his Dad
(so glad that David got to ride with him, though they had him sit up front)
I will never forget the tender care of MH and SV
the confusion on the faces of my children, family & friends
and the way my mom seemed so small and vulnerable to me
when she walked in to the bathroom
slumped her shoulders and wept
as I asked her what I was going to do??

I can't remember what we did last weekend (well, I kinda can cuz it included amazing people and coffee) or what I ate two days ago
but I will never ever, in a million years, forget that day, the days that followed,
or the three June 30th's we've had since then.

God is good. That much is true.
His mercies are new EVERY morning.

Now, the story of this little boy holding his hope balloon.
I need to blog about this and I will leave some details out that are such a very important part of 
my healing, only because it's hard to type it all 

Just know that Ashley J., momma to Henry, who is but a few days younger than Jack, and baby Amos
is one heckuva woman.
(back story: Beck worked at Gray Road Christian School with Ashley and so naturally, Ashley heard that Beck's baby nephew died)
Her emails seem to come at JUST the moment I needed to read them 
and this little guy, Jack, she called him, is no different.
At the balloon launch last night, she was there.
Henry and new baby, Amos in tow
She tells me she has something for me
I tell her I'm sorry for sweating all over her (ew, LY, ew)
She tells me the story of the days following Henry's 7/2011 birth, 
bad days, challenging nurses.
Then of a new nurse coming to check on her
bringing hope and comfort. Nurse asks Ashley how she's doing
Ashley responds, "Well, lemme tell you something"
and proceeds to quite possibly cry, unload, and worry
Next day: Ashley wakes up to Henry in a new rolling baby bed
and this little Willow boy holding a HOPE balloon.

Fast forward to 2014, she lays eyes on this little reminder and instantly calls him Jack
She tells me that she knows HOPE isn't Jack's word but oh it is.
for HOPE and JOY go hand in hand.
You can't have one without the other, right?
She tells her husband that she needs to give this to Us and that she will get another one.
She is unwrapping it as she tells me this most precious story
Ashley, hopefully you could tell that I was crying, even though the tears were overtaken by
my profuse sweating.
You touched my heart deeply and I'm so thankful that you shared with me.
so thankful.
I love that Henry hugged my legs
and gave me a kiss before you guys left.
I hope you know that.
I find myself wanting to encourage you at your 3 years in
as a momma.
so if you can, will you send me your snail mail address, to my email?

Love you much.

And you too, Natalie, for taking the time to drive over with two kids 3 and under
And Candace for arranging for your hubby to be home so you could be with us 
And Kellie, bringing your two females and loving us
Myssi, Becca, bringing Greyson's baby sis 
Becky, making sure I had birthday cake yesterday, and plenty of busyness
Melissa and Jordan, for taking video of it all and loving us
Momma, for being my momma
My  Dad, for calling Jack, cute
Jill, for most likely skipping some karate to be with us and giving me coffee
Sherry and John, who two days before celebrated Tim's 27th home going day
Kurt, Betsy, Alli, for encouraging us so well
Robin, Bob and girls, for walking this path with us
My brothers, for being super strong but crying when need arises
Kelsie, Mati, Olivia, Megan, Paul, Austin, such good friends to my kids
Piper, Nora, Ryan, Sophie, for being such adorable nieces and nephew
Jamie, Jen, Christie...beautiful friends that make my heart explode
David, Will, Ethan, Mel, Levi, Molly, Jack...for supporting me, praying for me, loving me when I was (and still can be) unloveable. 

I could totally keep going but I need to mow the yard for a bit, tend to Jack's garden and savor life.

I love you all.
Thank you so much.
Know that there are so many words that won't fit here...