Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 25-28 and then some...

little birdie house painters

gotta work on the cheesy grin, Moll.

such focus...

I think this is where Molly had fallen off the stool. as usual.

Happy Birthday, Beck. We met Scott, Beck and the girls (late) at El Meson last night. Poor Piper was sick but it was nice to be in one of our favorite restaurants on Beck's day. Loveyou, sissy.

Day 26: A close up

Day 27: From a long distance
Not sure what all the jazz is on the red rug...

Day 28: Flowers on some of my favorite scrapbook paper, since there are no flowers anywhere here.

Good afternoon.
Hope you are well.
I'm not. I'm physically sick and emotionally. but that's nothing new. I will seek the Great Physician, since He is the one constant Friend and Good in my life. Chris Rice's song, Untitled Hymn-Come to Jesus, is playing loudly in my head.

anyways, Just wanted to get these pix on the bloggeroo since I know my parents depend on news from the north. Mom, Dad, I'm posting a video of Molly on FB, as she danced to BTR this morning. It's loading now.

Note: We don't advocate a steady stream of questionable music...we have found that Big Time Rush is, as of now, pretty clean and it's good for exercise. and Molly dancing!!

I'll be back later...

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Day 25: Something Pink

Molly has some pink feet.

I wanted to get my Day 25 photo up before I forgot. Before David, Will and Ethan returned from their adventure.
I'm going to go lay down with Levi and Molly.
considering that I stayed up till 5:17 a.m., I'm really rather tired.

I did manage to get my Day 3, week 2 of Couch to 5K done...and then to begin Week 3...which includes running more often.
Kinda scary...but loving getting my health back on.

And then I ate some pizza with the littles tonight.
Not real proud of that but tomorrow is a new day
I'm lonely but reveling in the fact that it's just the three of us.

Upcoming posts:
~crafty birdies with Nora, Levi and Molly
~Deliverance is under attack - our neighbors, with the dog that always gets in our yard/knocks over our kids/poos, have moved. Also, the creepy part of Waverly that is down the hill from us, see June/July 2008, the big smiley face water tank, the incredibly dumpy, flood-prone houses are being demolished. I took some pix today. I'm very curious to know what is going on down there.
~More Becky-since her birthday isn't until MONDAY folks. MORE BECKY! gotta get her calendar finished. ack.
~David's upcoming birthday/Skating party which will include Ethan and anyone else that wants to get their name on a cake...details later.
~Balloon Launch for JOY on Saturday, June 30, 2012. 6 p.m. details to come but stop by my Facebook event page to give a shout out and tell me you'll be there. Anyone and everyone is welcome. well, you know what I mean...
~so many things to blog about. so many.

Hi, my name is Becky.

2010? Beck with her loving hubby, Scott, who is trying, very hard, to steal her birthday thunder by injuring himself on the job. Thankfully, he is going to be OK, but suffered an amazing contusion on his chest while at work on Thursday morning. We are glad you weren't more injured, Scotty, and pray that you will heal quickly! Beck, our eyes are back on you...with a quick peek over to S every now and then to make sure he's not pneumatic.

Becky Brainiac
who I love so dearly

Harvest Party 2010
Jack was at this party. He was a a soybean sized person.

do you notice how I'm always on the left and she's on the right? even though I'm right handed and she's left handed (little known Becky trivia??) we've figured out that those are our more flattering sides. mostly. I just really don't think I have one but I'm working on it. This was in 2009.

Good Saturday Evening.
I needed to get another post on my blog because seeing that cherubic picture of Jack was doing really gut wrenching things to my insides. (can't believe he. is. not. here. so perfect and chubby he was. so sad tonight about that)

And I was long overdue to blog for my sister's upcoming 34th birthday. I can't believe I can even say 34 in the same sentence as Becky Greenhill Cunniff. Cuz, really, she's still 16. Or heck, she's still 6 and we're doing fire engine in our stuffy bedroom on 241 N. Anderson, Lake Orion, Michigan...her, with her terry cloth undies and only a shirt on. that drove me NUTS about her...go get some clothes on or I'm running away...

Truly, I'm getting choked up tonight. I have the best sister. She's not perfect but I love her just the way she is. She loves me in spite of my many imperfections, blabbering on and easily hurt feelings.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for bringing the brat home, and for the gift that she is to me and so many. I realized what a treasure she is to me over the years but never has it been more evident than in this past year. My pregnancy, her help, her sympathy pains and gains, the care she has given me and my family in the days following the most tragic event of my life.Her tears, her laughter thru tears is one of the joys I have clung to.

"I need to hear a story that is more sad than mine" I said to her as we sat and made JOY bookmarks last July...

She lifted her shirt, revealing her tummy...laughter thru tears is DEFINITELY my favorite emotion. Thanks Miss Truvy. you were sooo right. I had no real idea.

So glad I have a group of girls that I can call my Steel Magnolias and that Beck is the charter member. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOO BOO!! I just couldn't love anyone more...I appreciate you more than you will EVER know on this earth. Run to Jesus, sweet, weeping sister who makes me laugh constantly.

David and the big boys are over in Illinois visiting his family. Please be in prayer for his mom, who will undergo surgery on her broken wrist/arm on March 13.

Mel is down where it's warmer, with Mom, Dad and Tom.

I'm home with Sybil and Levner. I love them but I realize how much help and how dependent I am on the 3 biggers. They wear me out...non-stop movement and talking.

Taking deep breaths, choosing JOY, cherishing these moments...taking them for the gifts they truly are.Thank You, Lord, for thinking of me, orchestrating the daily details of my life...Help me to be purposeful, full of direction, a light to this very dark world.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

thirty-four thursdays and catch up.

34 thursdays ago, this little chubster flew home to his eternal home.  This little dollboy.  I grew a good baby. I can't believe he isn't actually here. I had a dream last night that someone brought him to me...not sure of the time context, but he woke up. I couldn't believe it. I cried, surely I cried in my sleep...and had a few moments of Jack Oliver Young with his eyes open...and then the alarm went off. It could seem cruel but I will actually take it as a gift from the Lord.
What I'd give to clean the fuzzies out from his toes, to smell his sweet milky breath and to tickle him under this jowls.
You will never be forgotten, JOY.
day 23: Sunflare. i will confess. this is not my photo, though it is one that I found and I like it a lot. It shows God's Omnipotence and reminds me that He is in perfect control. He is present in every situation of our lives...and aware of every small detail. My son is with Him. such consolation on this 34th Thursday....
Day 22: hands. I love these little chewed up hands as they prepare to paint birdhouses at 10:45 on a Thursday night.
Night owls. ha ha.

Day 21: Faceless self-portrait.  old neck. 

Day 24: Animal
Figured I'd get a head start on tomorrow, since tomorrow promises to be a busy, hectic, away from the manor kinda day.
This is Liz. Will's first lizard. She will be 8 in November.  I had just put a new bulb in her new light and she came out to bask in the warmth. ya gotta admit, for a lizard, that's kinda cute.

all that to say...while I have so very much to be thankful for, and I am, these are the days of what the...?

I'm not sure why this is. I'm sure specialists, fellow club member grievers, doctors, experts would say it's just part of the roller coaster.

I go to the dentist. I get six shots on one flippin' side of my mouth. It reminds me to take better care of myself. I take kids to the craft store so we can get wooden birdhouses that they will decorate for Jack's Garden or his grave. I ride bikes with whoever will ride bikes with me. We read together. We pick out ice cream at the store (I don't get any though, which is fine...my JC desserts are just fine and dandy). I do day 2 of my Couch to 5K program, which builds up my endurance to run non-stop though I swear I feel like I'm dying every now and then. I am adequately addicted to the endorphins that my body sends out to go just a bit further, to push myself and know that the results will be worth it. if I live. :) I could go on....I feel like I'm going thru the motions right now. Slappin' that smile on my face that tells everyone in my circles that all is well...

going thru the motions.

My head knows that all is well. really, it is. My trust in God is the one true constant in my life...kids grow up, husbands get stressed and we lash out, friends wonder how to help, do the very best they can (thank you, friends, loved ones), other people look at me like I'm the Grim Reaper. or maybe I'm imagining this..I dunno.


Everything's funky.

I'm ready for spring. I want to put my Welcome Spring sign out that Tambo gave me last year, while Jack thrived in my womb...Before Jack. After Jack.

goin' thru the funky motions. choosing JOY. trying to hug my kids, friends, family more. savor the little moments, like Molly tooting in the car or Levi trying his best to make me smile. Will or Ethan giving me kisses as they stoop down for a hug. Mel texting me as she heads south AGAIN (punk!) or David cheering me on...I love these funky motions.

So blessed to be here, to be Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, Molly and Jack's mom.

On another note: The coat rack that I decoupaged (I really need to take a pic but I need one more hook) is really cute. I'm zeroing in on an appropriate apple green color for our lower level. New pub table will be here in the next week. looking for two overstuffed (ish) chairs to put where the couch is so we can "get rid" of the leather sectional that is up here, which we kinda despise...light above island is DOWN! YAHOO...now to find another light. I need to blog that, baby...THAT was an awesome tear down. Can't believe how much space that seemed to free up...

Ok, I'm babbling. more later. my head is just a jumbled mess. be back later!

oh and while you are here, please click on my amazing new friend, Lori Weatherly's blog...it's called Facets of Life. I'm reading her book right (line up folks...) and she has been a real encouragement to me!! Check out her THURSDAY posting (that's today) 2-23-12. This woman, kapow, she is something!! I am just not sure I could use anymore explanation marks to show my excitement at finding her. NO ACCIDENT. God is in these details.

outta here...Molly is whiny whinerson so off I go.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day 20: Bokeh and a broken heart...

Day 20: Bokeh
I don't know anymore than that...if you Google the word BOKEH, you will get a slew of images that resemble this above. I love the concept. Very cool. This is not my picture.

I just wanted to add this pic of David and I with our 4th son.  Coming out of the fog of the past 7 months is such a strange place to be. Everyone has gone back to life...except for me. It's almost like my thoughts of Jack are intensified.
I can't believe that one year ago, I knew I was having a son, he was really moving a lot and he is NOT here. I just cannot believe it and will probably never...
I touched him, that little person we prayed for, his little shell, and he never moved on the outside. It is a hard thing for a momma to grasp. You grew in me, you were my special little friend, I felt you move, others felt you move but we will never see your eyes open, or you open your mouth wide to laugh or eat or gnaw on our fingers, on this side of heaven.
All that time, so NOT wasted, little Jack...but how I wish that you were here. that's all...wondering what God has in the works...to allow such an event to take place. such a life changing thing.
Beauty from the ashes.
You never let go.
Always faithful.
Thank You, Lord, for loving me and my family so very much.

I'm not going to lie, my harder days seem to be more frequent than my not so hard days...today was one of my most difficult. Under attack of some sort...I dunno.
I'm not saying this to be a whiner either...I just want to remember what this was like.
Why? because...this is my story. It has it's sad points and it's victorious places. Moments of fun and moments of utter tension. Glimpses of heaven and clips of screaming and gnashing of teeth. Always joy. Joy is not in things...it is in us.

I just wanna make sure I remember days like these.
It's not all sunshine and happiness.
But I know that my Redeemer lives and I will rest in that.

good night.

Day 19: Something Orange

I really don't care much for this shade of orange. In fact, I've already put this Drumstick Dash shirt in the Goodwill bag.  even more factually,  I think this shirt was dropped off at Goodwill JUST yesterday.

The questionable memories associated with 2011's DD prove to be just too much. There were a lot of great memories associated, like Levi's first year to be with us for the event...and the fact that we were all together and I was feeling very thankful for my living family...

So for this Day 19 catch up, this is my something orange.  urp.

For today, Day 20, I'm supposed to do Bokeh. I have no clue what that is, except for what Google showed me...

Today was just a plain ol' poo-riffic day. Sorry, Kellie, I know it was your birthday, sweet girl, and I really hope it went well and you created lots of memories and that your hubby and kids and friends made it so special for you. You deserve it!!...and hey, the sun was even shining.

My brother took the kids and I to Pizza King because Levi continuously bugs him about it (Thank you, Tom...you're awesome!!)...

here's to tomorrow...a better day. (I have a dentist appointment so.....) and this week.

I'll be back later, when I figure out something bokeh. which, if I can't figure it out, I will be back with something.

I probably shouldn't be blogging today. Just call me Debbie Downer. Just keepin' it real.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

My new green, Day 17 and 18 and a sister's return home...

So, we are tossing around paint ideas for the lower level. We were thinking periwinkly blue but after an A-HA moment today (and David's suggestion of the above color last week), I came to the conclusion that I am a Green girl. Not a blue girl. no offense, blue. I just LOVE ADORE DIG green apple green. Yum...Whaddya think of this color??

These are Day 18 photos...Your shoes. I didn't wear these today...but I sure love them. I actually found them under my bed. Molly likes to scuffle around in them, either one of these pairs...and apparently, she'd hid them a while ago. I love that she wears my heels around.

Day 17: Technology. Not the highest technology...but it's technology that I love.  I wear a pedometer most days. Aside from the 2.5-3 miles I try to log daily, I like to see how many steps I take. It's made a difference...I got this pedometer down in Alabama. I couldn't find it for a day or two. When I did find it, the buttons were covered with SILLY PUTTY. Alas, this is why the buttons looked chewed up...because they were. Thanks Molly.

Good Evening.
Today has been a miraculous day. I won't bore you with allll of the details but one of the finest follows.

David and Ethan went to work this morning. Mel had spent the night at a friend's house. Will, the two littles and I were home. I was due to look at a table at our friends' house (we are getting a new table btw) at 11 a.m. Before I left, though, Will was, rightfully so, kinda aggravated with Mel and I. She hadn't left her zones neat before leaving last night...and I was going to be gone FOREVER picking her up today. Mel and I were then going to be gone tonight for a time, scrapbook store shopping with our lovely K friends (sooo fun!! so hard not to spend bucket loads of $)...

I knew I needed to get the lower level cleaned up before we left this evening, exercise, fold laundry, read with Levi and other fun stuff. Mel and I arrived home to a clean house. Will had cleaned for me. He even made my bed (which Mel and Levi have also done for me in the past!)

Gratitude abounds. Will, please know that your act has warmed my heart straight thru. Your wife will just adore you for this kind of thing someday.

All that to say, I'm feeling and knowing that I have a pretty awesome gaggle of kids.

If that wasn't awesome enough, my sister and her family have arrived home tonight and I just couldn't be happier about that. happy. er.

I am surrounded by blessings!

And a good night to you....

Day 16: Long on cute. is that a good thing?

happy Saturday evening to you...

Day 16: this chocolate covered girl is long on cute...from July 2010.

blogger is really gettin' on my nerves tonight....
Day 16 of the 30 Day photo challenge was long exposure...I googled it. It's pretty amazing but 
1.) I'm no professional photographer and 2.) my camera is wonderful but I am not familiar enough it's settings to figure it out...

So I found this pic of my littlest gal...so cute. and still so "baby" in the summer of '10. Right after she'd cut her adorable ringlets.

Day 17: Technology
Day 18: Your shoes...

I'll be back in another post, after I drink another cup of coffee...My sister is coming home tonight (with her family, of course!) and I probably won't see them tonight but just knowing that she's back in this area brings me a measure of comfort that just makes me giddy.

Mel and I spent a nice bit of time with Tambo and her two oldest girls at one of our favorite spots tonight. Archiver's. 
I could spend days in that place. If you scrapbook, memory keep, make cards, work with paper of any kind, this is your place. Tory, how I wish you were close enough to do this together every now and then.

David's sitting on the floor, playing Legos with the kids...Mel's waiting for me to go thru scrapbook stuff...Will is sorting Legos and Ethan is watching Hidalgo. I just ate salad, drenched in salsa. 

All is (reasonably) well in our world...just missing one little sweetie boy. with me forever.

I have really found a lot of encouragement from the blog at the left called Facets of Life. Lori's thoughts seem to echo all of mine...and it's really "refreshing" to read her blog...see that I'm not completely crazy for having thoughts of Jack in heaven or replaying scenes in the grocery store, or trying not to cry or show pain in front of friends or family. 

You may have been able to "move on" get on with life (not to say you don't hurt etc), and I will too, to some degree. But I will always carry the scars of that day that changed me forever. Forever for the good.

Thank You, Lord Jesus.

Friday, February 17, 2012

for your Friday evening viewing pleasure...

awww. sweet baby friends.
June 9, 2007. two girls with two baby girls in utero.
mi mama with her two baby girls...I resemble a man here.

found this pic (oh. my. gosh) of me from last April/May..with that sweet boy who's been with Jesus for 33 Thursdays now, in my womb. I think my pants were falling off here...don't miss maternity jeans. but then again, yeah, I do. yes, i still wear this maternity sweatshirt. (I love it!!)

love #2 and #5.  2011

I know I'm one day behind, now two, on the 30 day photog challenge...and I will get that all caught up this weekend.
I didn't want to leave you stranded (Tashena, Tory, Dad....) so for your Friday evening fun, pull up a couch, grab your bag of popcorn and I will be back to update this later on.

For now, I'm pulling taxi duty...taking Mel to Kaleo and going shopping (oh, dear) with my adorably thoughtful husband.


Thursday, February 16, 2012

a Gulf Shores update and Day 15 Silhouette pic.

I took this picture with my phone...do you just love how the clouds reflected in the water?? 
Ethan's adventures as a fisherman.

cool guys

I could live at the beach

amazing sunset

another day, another negative on the fish front. E. is with some random fisher guy down here...David tried to find all sorts of help for his son.

how are those clouds? uhhh-mazing.

It was so clear this day, you could see the offshore oil rigs. love.

this is actually a picture of a picture.
for some stupid reason, my stupid printer isn't scanning pix. which is uncool.
so this pic was taken at May's end in 2007.
I know it wasn't taken today. Not sure if photo challenge is requiring me to take fresh photos.
This is me. Pregnant with Molly. I loved that baby bump. My pregnancy with her was breezy.
She had the cord around her neck but she flew right through it.

So....this is the Feb 15th challenge. how's that for a silhouette?

busy day. when is there a day in my week that is NOT busy?

I'm at a crossroad in my life...still a mom to teens, and a couple of littler kids...but that will all shift and I will be Laurie again. Still Mom and Wife.....What will the Lord have me to do? this makes no sense in my head tonight...

The Sanctus Real song "Whatever You're Doing" is on repeat in my head...I will have to put it back on my blog. It's perfect... "it feels like chaos, somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly."

I just need to be still. get really good at being mom to Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, and Molly. honoring sweet Jack and being a really good wife to David and daughter of God. All the other stuff is secondary. Facebook, though I looooove it, and love staying in touch with so many people, is a time sucker and a source of angst for me lately.

"Time to face up, clean this ol' house, time to breathe in and let everything out, that I've wanted to say for so many years, time to release all my held back tears..."

"You're up to something, bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly...Whatever You're doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but now I can see...This is something, bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly."

The lyrics to this song really speak to me right now.

I think I'm going to go to bed...I just made salsa...it's flavors need to "marry" (thanks for that term, James P.) and tomorrow is busy day #2,398 and I need to be fresh.

ha ha.

what happened today?  I will want to remember this later on...
~I woke up after being up way too late and got ready to work at OMS for the staff luncheon, which reminds me, please be praying for Valetta (I blogged about her a while back - missionary lady who has endured some pretty intense loss in her life - her second husband, Dr. Al's son died suddenly from a heart attack. He was 62 I believe). She was not at the luncheon today, due to the funeral this morning and I missed her bright self. I really enjoy the ladies I work with. Helen is amazing. Please be praying for her too...grandson is awaiting news on cancer scope.
~Took my lovely ladies to the dentist today. Molly did SO well with the shot(s) and so did Mel...I have courageous children. The girls and I ran some errands and came home...I'm in such a funk. what's wrong with me?
~Mel made dinner - Go Mel!! - so I could exercise and she moved her room around. We're in pitching moods.
~E is sleeping in the travel trailer with the littles tonight. again. tell me, Mr. Big Stuff...who do you think you are? besides AWESOME!!
~David is working a long night at Pike HS...he is facing some interesting situations, of which I may blog about later but may not either.
~My sis and her lovely family are vacationing with my parents this week. I've enjoyed her version of beach pix and seeing videos of my sweet nieces swimming - sans tubes GO NORA - and having a really  nice time away.
~I'm sure other things happened but I will close for tonight. I need to go test my salsa and go to bed, sniffing salsa fumes...oooh, won't that be fun for David, when he finally arrives home, to find his loving wife with a green/red/garlic/onion cloud above her head??? he. will. love. it.

not so much.

good night chickens (watch "Grey Gardens" with Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. One of my fave movies, darlings)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ethan James, Happy Birthday, young man.

Lookin' like Charlie Brown...love the tunky li'l belly at 18 months. 1997

1999, Pensacola Beach. such a face.

the kid always had has a weapon in hand. 2004

Our favorite History club was the Celtic lesson. We loved painting our faces as the warriors did and making double headed axes. If only people really gave you a chance, Ethan. They'd realize what a gem they are missing out on. oh, sorry, I got wrapped up in some past life.

I'd greet this little face in the morning (this was in Mom and Pa's basement, when we lived with them for a spell. can you say boomerang?) and you went thru a stint as a non-sleeper. 1996 or early 97

I think this picture earned you the nickname of GooBall from Grandpa..you always had a slick, shiny chin and soaked shirt. what I'd give for one more spit up sniff. I know, that's gross but it's a mom thing. 1996

At one month or less, with your second Momma, Becky. I am the reason she only really wanted two kids. She technically has 7. almost 8. 1996

I look stunned, don't I? and that jumper? really? did the people around me hate me? but look at those cute boys. This was taken the night before we moved to flippin' North Dakota. Just David, Tiny Will, and even Tinier Ethan and Me. freak out. These sweet boys.  again, 1996.

those eyes. beautiful boy. 1997

This isn't Will's most intelligent expression ( :D )...and Ethan? awww, he was such a snuggle bugga chubba.  1996

We had these pics taken at Walmart in ND. So weird to get pix taken without Gramma nearby to help pay for said pix and just to be there for support. ;) love you, Momma.

I wouldn't ever recommend listening to Chumbawumba or however you really spell the name of the one hit wonders...but when their song "I get knocked down..." was popular, we LOVED it. This was E's song...except for all the alcoholic drinks they mention in it...ha ha. end of 1997

Such a serious big cousin..with Piper in 2004. I love this little profile.  Such a serious guy. I also love just how much my big kids love their little chick cousins. 2004

Ethan, I just couldn't love you anymore. such changes you've gone thru over the years...I tried to scan a really hilariously great photo of E with his pre-pubescent chubby face and a head CHOCK full of hair but it came out fuzzy...alas, it's not here but it's worth a view, if you're ever at my house...

Having watched you over the past few months and years, I just get all choked up because...

1.) you are such an outstanding, caring, thoughtful (oh my gosh are you thoughtful), level headed, God-fearing, Jesus Christ-serving young man. All those spankings paid off. no matter what anyone says.

2.) you aren't a tiny, scrawny little jabber wocky anymore. I just can't accept that. what a nice son you've been...

3.)  you would've been so good with tiny Jack. You are so good, patient, fair with Levi and Molly and I thank you for that. I feel so sad for you that you didn't get to brother JOY here on earth but oh the reunion for you two someday.

we will take the good with the sad
Joy in Sorrow
My kids are learning these valuable lessons so young.
I'm very thankful for this.

That's all I've got, folks...I leave with you a picture that has been burned into this mother's memory for eternity....all of my sons.

Happy Sixteenth Birthday, Ethan. I'm so thankful for you. i love you.