Friday, March 28, 2014

a little vacation update

this space. right here...I must duplicate it somewhere. the weathered wood walls, light green couch, iron coffee table with wooden top, gigantic love. 

Ethan stayed back at the condo this day. I think Levi did too. They get tired of our coffee shenanigans.

this never ever gets old.

this doesn't either. I am ocean-sick.

Mel and I had a day out at the outlet mall. We saw Santa at the 'Bucks. Nice to know he vacations down there too.
This is Ethan teaching karate to his father. 

This day, the water was such a deep bluish green. I was in love.

Molly in the Morning. I love this face.

David looks like he's pouting. Not sure what he was doing actually. Trying not to get burned, that much is true.

I'm not a big fan of burying my kids. just saying

Our last night at the beautiful condo. We ate at Tacky Jack's. I hate leaving the great Gulf.

The first three. Always so glad to get them in a good picture.

Love these people.
Good Friday afternoon!!

Hope this finds you enjoying some warmer temps and sunshine. We have a bit of sunshine and the temps, though hardly warmer, are much better than the 20's and 30's we had earlier this week. Boo!!

Spring, please come. In Indy, we go from 50's and 60's to 90's it seems. I guess at this point, I'd welcome some 90's. Sheesh. This winter has been harsh.

So many fun and exciting things on our horizon...I honestly sit down to blog and don't know where to begin, what to share, what not to share and so on.

I can say this....God is good and I'm truly thankful for the journey we've been on for, well...ever, but namely the past 3 years. I believe that even when bad, hard, painful things happen, that God is still good and worthy of our praise and trust. Hard to accept sometimes, yes...but worthy.  The way in which I've seen my kids grown in Christ, my marriage, my own personal relationship is other worldly. This time three years ago, I was in a very crabby pregnancy, feeling very, very scared and challenged. I had asked the Lord to show Himself to me, felt dead in my own walk....and then Jack.

Amazes me how the Lord shows up. Not that He wasn't always there. He was.

I'm at the point in my Grief Journey where I can look back, enough time has passed, where I don't cry as much as I used to. Sometimes, even, days go by and I don't think about that particular day, at least coherently...

I mostly just look forward to the day when I will see Jesus and I get to see my precious son. I imagine  him hanging out with Grandma Taylor, Pastor Mills, Auntie Bee and Tim, Grandma and Grandpa McCoy, cousin Tim, Keith Green, Rich Mullins...whoever has touched my life down there, they are with him up there, telling him stories about me and his dad.

Anyways, I don't get lost in those imaginings like I used to but still do. It used to consume it just makes me smile and laugh.

My life is forever changed. For the better. To God be the Glory.

On another note, I am reading a book by a mom whose son died in utero during labor also. It is a very sad, hopeless book to me. It's taken me forever to read it because it is truly depressing. She was angry, blaming, void of any hope that she'd see her son again. Blaming the cosmos, universe, this thought or that action....

and I get it. I know. Most people don't believe the way we do, that we will see Jack again, that we have this HOPE as an anchor for our soul (Jesus Christ)....and may call us cray cray. That's ok too. It honestly can't be any crazier than believing that the Universe took your baby and that his spirit just dissolved into the earth and sky, trees, ocean and such. I appreciate having this hope and I will until I take my last breath.

In the morning, when I rise, Give me Jesus. When I am alone, oh when I am alone, Give me Jesus. When I come to die....Give me Jesus. such simple words but so full of life for me.

I am done now. Totally didn't mean to get off on a tangent but feeling so burdened by occurrences in our world. Just laying them all down.

hope you have a wonderful weekend. I'll be back with more pics soon.

Love ya,

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

We say goodbye to some of our faves...

This is Alyssa with Kaitlin, another one of our faves, who had better stay at 'Bucks. ;)

Lisi and Kaitlin. sorry it's so blurry.

again, sorry so blurry....Lisi is one of the coolest people.

Lisi with most of my kids. 

Lisi and Alyssa have moved. I mean, I'm so happy for them. Especially because it's like 30 below zero up here in Indy. But their absence is felt. Is it weird that I grew so attached to my barista chicks? NO! I'd walk in and they knew my order. Better than I did. Even almost a week later, I'm a little verklempt about their departure. I usually go to their Starbucks to do payroll on Tuesday afternoons...I came home today. it's the small things in life that make life so incredible. People. People make life incredible. Especially really cool people.

These girls made our (almost daily) visits to a local Starbucks so much more fun and enjoyable.

so, hats off to two of the most awesome chicks around! We miss you so much already.

Ok, I'm done now.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Has it really been almost a month since I last blogged? shame.

This guy had a birthday last week...I've lost track of his age. Happy birthday, Uncle Tom. You are an excellent uncle.
this guy also had a birthday last week...he turned 43.
That doesn't even seem possible.

These two birthday boys above here are very important men in my life. I'm so thankful for Tom and David.
We are on our way back north from Orange Beach, Alabama. We had a lovely time at our friends' condo near Flora-bama....Thank you, so much, B Family. We are completely grateful. It only took us about 4 days to get into relaxation mode and then we had to pack up and leave soooo ya know....when you're a run run run kinda family, down time takes time. haha. I kill myself.

Tonight, we are spending our second night in Franklin, TN. We love this area. We love this Drury Hotel. I love that I don't have to think about food AT ALL here. They serve a hearty big breakfast, we load up, take a bagel for the day, some yogurt, fruit...then they serve the Kick back at 5:30...which consists of salad, nachos, some form of protein, soup, baked's pretty fantastic. We love Drury hotels.

Ethan, Will and Mel have just taken the younger two down to swim for the second time today. We've all worked out in the Drury work out room. I've managed to keep running whilst on vacation...pretty excited about that. I won't have to get home and resume life as I knew least where exercise is concerned.

We had the unique opportunity to drive my little niece, Phebe, up to Franklin. Andy was going to drive all the way to Pensacola to get her for spring break. I love how the Lord worked it out for us to drive her 7+ hours to save her dad a bit of time on the road. She is a precious girl. Andy and his boys picked her up around 8 last night. Right after we had just gotten the kids into the pool. LOL!

We are excited for spring around our house. E is planning his garden and chicken coop. I can't wait to start planting flowers and such. Springtime is my fave time around our house. We have some other plans for our house that are in the works...surely I'll Facebook or blog these developments but who knows. I'm so inconsistent on here anymore. Forgive me.

Will will be coaching a soccer team and Ethan and Mel will be playing. Molly continues with gymnastics and Levi does cardio 5 days a week. David and I have been pushing each other with our exercise/cardio. Right now I'm aiming to get 3.25 miles each day, with one rest day every 7 days.

The kids are cool, constantly amazed at how Godly and loving my older three are....Levi and Molly are awesome too, just a little bit more work still. I am trying to cherish these days.

I had a thought tonight, as I sat in the dining room here, as a new baby cried near by....that, though it does catch me by surprise to hear a baby cry, especially a new baby, it doesn't make me cry like it used to...not to say it won't ever again...but now I just can't help but think about what Jack's voice/cry would've been like. At nearly 3 now, what would he sound like? Would he be a loud mouth, in the sea of voices, trying to be heard (most likely)? Would he be squeaky like Levi? I will forever wonder, which is just a weird place to be ya know? Always wondering about someone who was meant to be here....I miss him. He'd be a lot of fun in a hotel pool or on the Gulf, in the sand, with 50 SPF sunscreen...He was a beautiful boy, complete, whole, wanted. I want to sniff his precious head and give him little bags of fruit snacks. Sippy cups and almost potty training. I miss you, sweet boy. But you know that.

Will made a little friend on the beach the first day we were down there...a little boy named Ian who came right up to my Frisbee players and wanted to play with Will, and then lose interest in Frisbee, to bury his hand in the sand and act like it was cut off (such a boy)...and I couldn't help but think how much we've missed out on having a crazy little boy around. My older three are so stinkin' good with little people. I don't feel bad for Jack...I feel bad for all that we missed out on. but not bad in a bad way, bad in a sad way...

always trusting God though. even when we don't see the plan...knowing that through it all, God has been with us. Thankful for the hope we have in Jesus Christ.

I can't wait to have grandkids someday.

Ok, I'm done...for now.

Hope this finds you well and enjoying springtime wherever you are. I hear we aren't anywhere near springtime in Indiana.

choose JOY.

adios and lotsa love.

I miss you.