Friday, March 10, 2017

...wish this was vertigo, it just feels like I'm falling slow...

Praying for this sweet lady, Aunt Sherry...she is missing her fella and wondering what the Lord has in store for her.
This pic depicts them so well. Makes me miss Uncle John a bit more. Oh Lord, give her strength.

David turned 46 on Monday. Love him.

We are all so excited to meet this little guy. #olliefrank Joylily is such a good sport. She lets us paw her tummy every single time.  They had an ultrasound today and the babester weights 2.6 pounds!! Big fella!

beautiful, slightly crazy girls
                                      Need to Breathe - "Wasteland"

Will shared the above song with me yesterday. I'm not a big Need to Breathe fan but I do appreciate some of their songs. Give this song above a listen...

All of these people I meet...
It seems like they're fine
Yeah in some ways, I hope that they're not...
And their hearts are like mine....
Yeah, it's wrong when it seems like work
to belong
All I feel is hurt

Oh, if God is on my side
Yeah, if God is on my side,
Oh, if God is on my side,
Who can be against me....

Yeah in this wasteland where I'm living
There is a crack in the door filled with light**
And it's all that I need to get by

**Which, obviously, I need more to get by than just some light through a crack in the door...but this speaks of hope to me....when you don't see much more than the light through the crack...that's ok. You will have those days, I promise, they will come, especially if you consider yourself a follower of Jesus. People will reject, turn away from Him and the things of Him...there is power in the name of Jesus Christ...very threatening. In those hard moments, keep your eyes fixed on Him. Find your strength in His word. I've made my closet into a prayer closet and it's so helpful to just sit in there, cry, lay on my face and give it all to Him.

coming to grips with the fact that people will let you down...every. day. People that you counted on, thought understood you, knew your heart, heard your cries and sadnesses, joys and victories...yes, they will turn from you, and I'm learning to find strength in the Lord...He is my Comfort. He has placed a good group of folks in my seems to get a bit smaller by the weeks and months but it's ok. Learning to TRUST HIM. It isn't as easy as it seems or as the old hymns would make it out to be...there's loss and grief and hurts so deep that you wonder how this can be good...

but then you hear the stories of His goodness that revive you, people that are actually SEEKING after Him, wanting community, accountability and discipleship....and that keeps you going.

sorry for rambling...just really having "a day" today and wanted to let it out on my blog.

Shellee, I so appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement. More than you can know. Hope the snow lets up in Japan SOON!! We are in a cold snap again, after some springlike weather this week and it makes a person....grumpy!

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

when it feels like surgery...

I swear that I won't let you go....I'll always be by your side...yeah...

These pictures are from our September 2015 camping trip...just some little blasts from the past.

Feeling super grateful for my lil group of people immediate group and then the people that have joined us in the past few years. Some have come, most have gone and that's ok.

My family and I are facing some pretty harrowing situations. No, no one has been kidnapped, murdered, or ejected from their home but these situations are daunting all the same. Broken relationships are the hardest and worst things, I believe, to face. Especially when they are with family members. close family members. like, mother and father family members...sibling family members.


When you realize that the loved ones aren't on the same path as you...the path leading toward JESUS CHRIST like you thought they were....and they walk away....etc etc etc

Aside from that, when, because of those situations, directly or indirectly, other relationships of the non-family but still supposedly "family of Christ" take a serious hit....and you find yourself dealing with serious beasts....

And if that wasn't horrific enough....then family members on the other side begin to lash out at you...

I am not coming here for sympathy or anything of that sort...simply to record a time in my life of deep hurt. This hurt is deeper than when Jack died. Why? Because, yes, that was a defining moment in my life (and the life of each member of the fam) and one that hurt to our very cores, still does on occasion...but I know where our boy is and how the Lord has worked it for our good...but this? What am I supposed to do with this?

That's when I listen to reminders like this, from Switchfoot, posted at the bottom of this post..this song is about trusting God, letting go of doubt. The song is called "I Won't Let You Go"....

When it feels like surgery
And it burns like third degree
And you wonder what is it worth?
When your insides breaking in
And you feel that ache again
And you wonder
What's giving birth?

If you could let the pain of the past go
of your soul
None of this is in your control

If you could only let your guard down
If you could learn to trust Me somehow
I swear that I won't let you go
If you could only let go doubts
If you could just believe in Me now
I swear that I won't let you go
I won't let you go....

When your fear is currency
And you feel that urgency
You want peace
But there's war in your head
Maybe that's where life is born
When our facades are torn
Pain gives birth to the promise ahead

I'll always be by your side

I won't let you go....

There ain't no darkness strong enough
That could tear you out from my heart
There ain't no strength strong enough
that could tear this love apart...

No, I won't let you go...

And can I say this? (Yes, I guess I can since this is my blog) light of all of these family and I (David, Will, Joylily, our future grand babe, Ethan, Mel, Levi, Molly, even Sarah, our adopted daughter of sorts) are thriving...dealing with our own issues, leaning on the Lord, growing in so many areas and ways...and keeping our eyes firmly fixed on Him. it's true...the things of this earth, this life, do fade away in the light of His glory and His grace. It's hard to explain but even though these are hard and challenging days, the kinda days where you just don't wanna get out of bed, once we DO get out of bed, we are all doing really well. Hope is kindled because of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ.

Will and Joy continue to grow an adorable baby (I'm sure of it. As my grandma used to say, "I'm the grandma and I said so!") and she's had a couple visits with MH, our wonderful midwife for Jack, who we all adore. Will is also recording a lot of his songs, with Joy's djembe help and engineering expertise. They really are a precious couple. Thankful for their love and commitment to our gang. Prayers for comfort for Joylily would be appreciated, as she's a small gal and her baby is getting big. (I felt him move the other day too....ahhhhhh!)
Ethan is a student of the Word of God like not many people I've ever met (his dad and older bro). His exuberance for the history and truth of God's Word is kinda spectacular. He's loving working for YFF and for our Chimney friend, Michael Baun. Thankful for the way he helps me to shape and mold the younger sibs, as I've often worried that, because I'm not as young as I used to be, they won't end up as amazing as their older three sibs. He's helping me see that they will end up above par!
Melanie is continuing to read up on her doula work, recording with Young Band, working with Charlene's Angels, YFF and helping me to maintain our household. She's pretty incredible. She has a wisdom that goes beyond her 18+  years. Thankful that she freely speaks truth into my life, every day.
Levi has some tests on his cardiovascular system tomorrow. His BP is different in each arm, just at a point where it needs to be he will have ultrasounds and blood pressure readings. He is really such a tough guy. Tender but tough. He's thriving in so many ways but still our young teenaged challenge. He's reading better, still struggling with math, wants to know what car we will be driving on this day, and if it's going to storm. Love that big dude. He has mended well from his spinal surgery.
Molly is ...... well, Molly. She reminds me a lot of me but also not. She's scared of a lot of the same things that I was as a young girl. She keeps reminding me that when she turns 10 this summer, a lot will change for her...not sure what, besides being a double digit gal, but I'm enjoying the changes already. She is very helpful with a little guy named Elijah that comes to our Vertical's neat to see her interact with him (he's 3) and it makes me thoughtful of how she'd have been with Jack and also what a good AUNT MO she will be. She signs all of her papers, notes, whatever, Aunt Mo. Love her zesty spirit. She loves unicorns, mermaids and fairy gardens. She is also excited that we are looking for a dog for our fam...preferably a Goldendoodle.

David is doing really well, in spite of set backs here and there...thank you for your prayers for him. He turned 46 on the 6th. He seriously amazes me. drives me crazy too...but man, God was seriously taking such excellent care of me when He gave him to me over 23 years ago.

Good day to you...thanks to my faithful blog friends, Shellee, Tory...for always sending such encouraging comments. I'm so thankful for you friends!

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

A monthly update

Will helped a friend put some can lights in around the house. The difference is amazing.
Let there be LIGHT!

February 14, 2017...we had a little Valentine's day party for Ethan and for all of were exchanged, candy was bought and tacos were eaten with gusto...

super cute Daughter in law.

super cute partyers

super cute 21 year old birthday boy.
Twenty one??? what in the world???

Molly is the Dabbing queen apparently.
Downtown Indy canal, here, she's at the NCAA 

Canal with our MI cousins, Dawn, Laynee and Taylor, Becky, Piper, Nora, Moo, Tom (not pictured) and I. The weather was unseasonably amazingly warm.

Our weekly Sunday night Starbucks hang time.

Molly and Mel at the Josh Garrels/John Mark McMillan concert 2.24.17
Lovely girls, inside and out

This is our tiny grandson....yep, GRANDSON!
Will and Joy found out on 1.24.17 that they would welcome a little hobo boy come June.
His name will be Oliver.

Will he have Joy's dark hair and eyes? Will's cow-lick and green eyes? I am so excited...both of them were simply adorable so baby Oliver can't help but be the same....
can't wait to meet you, little fella

Joy has been blogging over at so go check that out. I am so thankful for so much but right this minute, I'm specifically grateful for a godly daughter in law..who has heavenward eyes....all of the years of prayer and wonder have come to beautiful fruition and we praise the Lord for how Will and Joy's first months of marriage have proceeded. They are loving examples of seeking the Lord, waiting on Him and putting purity, Godliness and maturity first.

Currently, I'm sitting in our living area, listening to Molly read about the Mauryan Empire to Levi...not our favorite part of history but history all the same. and nothing against Buddhists or Indians etc.

To say that the last 3 months have not been utterly the most challenging of my life would be a lie. One would think that once you reach a certain age or place in life, things would get "easier" or whatever...that just couldn't be a bigger lie.

It seems that when a person puts themselves at the feet of the Lord, seeking Him, praying, and most importantly, reading His word daily, (and I'm not just talking about a verse or two), trials come and the move toward Christ seems even harder than before...and that's true. But there is something so sweet about trusting Jesus...just like the old hymn says...'tis so sweet to TRUST in Jesus....that song says nothing about things getting EASIER because they won't....but once trust comes into play...well, the things of this earth, the scuffles and confrontations, the accountability and growth, desires, wants, flesh, customers not paying, people doing things that you just don't understand...all seem secondary. Not to downplay the hardness because honestly, most days, I don't want to get the heck outta bed. I am not sleeping super great...I have very vivid nightmares and wake myself up panicking, and some days, the challenges are just too great to bear...

In light of community, accountability and all that fun stuff...we take it very seriously....and with that seriousness comes an openness of ourselves...we are also open to it ourselves...

but here are a few verses that have helped me and in turn, I pray that they encourage you and also, let me encourage you to dive into His word...we read a Psalm a day, a Proverb a day and book in the New Testament (this is the kids program)...

Psalm 27:10...this one has gotten me through some of the darkest days of my life. I am haunted.

The book of good. My new favorite verse from that book (and there are so many good ones, so poetic) is Job 21:1-3

....But Job answered (to Zophar) and said, hear diligently my speech, and let this be your consolations, suffer me that I may speak; and after that I have spoken, mock on. KJV

I do believe that Job coined the phrase mock on here. wow.

Proverbs 13:3 He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction. (I have this one posted up...I need to read this daily)

Psalm 92:1,2

Psalm 94:12, 13

John 20:29, 31

Psalm 104: 33

Proverbs 6:23: For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is a light; and reproofs of instruction are THE WAY OF LIFE.

I could keep going. Let me just encourage you to get into God's is a living book (that isn't supposed to sound creepy) but it's true. That is the Bread of Life.

And I must add, that for every challenging situation we find ourselves in, there are 4 or 5 amazing, promising ones...not that the un-fun ones aren't going to someday be amazing...but they aren't currently. and they hurt, and cause great pain.

I so appreciate your prayers. so. entire family and I.

"That's what makes the sparkle in your eyes - you're always on the verge of tears."
Melanie Young, in reference to talking about people living with broken hearts.

thankful for our broken hearts.

The wound is where the LIGHT shines through.

for clarity, I must add that all is well with David, Will, Joy, the grandbabester, Ethan, Melanie, Levi and Molly...we are all thriving in ways that constantly amaze me. We are in a growth period, that is all.

Until we meet again, Uncle John

September 2016, at Carl and Judy's 50th wedding anniversary celebration. 

David, Ethan and I visited our McCoy's on Sunday, 2.19.17, unaware that two days later, Uncle John, below, would meet Jesus unexpectedly.

John and Molly, from our Great Adventure trip in Autumn of 2009
He loved my kids like they were his own grandkids
and in a way, they were. He called this little lady, "Molly Molly"

Mr. and Mrs. Amos, Mr and Mrs John McCoy and Mr and Mrs Chester McCoy. 1964
Our Uncle John left earthly life last Wednesday, 2.22.17. He and Sherry have had a rather rough January and February...He was placed in rehab at Kindred, a local facility, to get his sugars regulated, his diet under control and some PT to get him well enough to go back home. He got pneumonia last week, was placed back in St. Francis Hospital and suffered cardiac arrest at least twice last Tuesday night, early Wed morning. Sherry was already admitted at Seton Specialty for the past few weeks, trying to get her heart function under control, which would've helped the fluid that continues to build up in her abdomen. We got her out of there last Thursday, took her to see John and got her settled at home, under the watchful eye of their son, Bryan. She is currently waiting admission at the rehab facility Kindred. Please, please pray for this dear hearted lady...who turns 72 today. It has been challenging and hard to adjust to this new normal.

We appreciate all of the love and care that has been shown to our family.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

A little January Update

This is actually from the Frothy Monkey on 1/2/17

For my 44th birthday, we continued the circle ritual (froze our bums right off. mostly) and then had dinner and a good thaw at Five Guys.

We were frozen this way...

Love my babes.

Christmas Eve jammies

Got to see cousin Phebe, her momma Rachel and Dunc n Char (not pictured)

Just missing Will, Joylily, even Sarah ... all my kids rock!

Last moments on Pensacola Beach. Look at those future GRANDPARENTS!! Aren't we cute?

My top 9 pix on Instagram for 2016. such a nice assortment! so sadly out of order in my poor blog post!

On our way to Franklin to meet up with Will, Joylily and Sarah! Happy New Year!

At the Frothy Monkey Coffee shop in Downtown Franklin TN

Will, modeling the Unicorn sweatshirt!

Love their little friendship. Molly can't wait to be "Aunt Mo" to Joylily and Will's baby.

swimming outside in Franklin TN on the second day of January.

Sarah and Mel at the Factory in Franklin. Such a cool place.

Ethan at a really cool beard shop!

The youngers had taken off already....



Sarah and Levi

The view from our Pensacola Hotel room...this pool and lazy river, two amazing hot tubs,  was so much fun!
Mel and I ran into her Charlene's Angels from Southland, at the Greenwood Park Mall on our first Wednesday back at home. This Group of fine folks make our hearts swell!  Mel's in the middle, back.
Good Tuesday evening to you!

We've enjoyed our first week back in Indy after being away for a bit. We had a great time in Pensacola FL and in Franklin TN. I was, unfortunately, under the weather for a good part of our time away. We had a fun and memorable time, in spite of stabbed hearts and sickness.

I'm really looking forward to this new year! We will welcome our very first grandchild...have I mentioned that? The more I think about it, the more excited I get. Joylily will find out at the end of this month, if they are expecting a boy or a girl. I lean toward girl but I do hope it's a boy because big brothers are the best! My kids have two of the best and I do too. Joylily is starting to "show" which isn't too hard to do because she's 5' 1" tops and she's itty bitty. I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!

See that pic right above my words? That amazing group of folks is Charlene's Angels. Charlene attends Southland with us and she lovingly runs the Angels group...Mel had the opportunity to work with them at Project Reach last summer. She also has the opportunity to fill in for Charlene this week and she is beyond excited. So grateful for this amazing ministry and that there are people like Charlene and her crew of amazing folks on this planet.

Levi is thriving...we are still struggling to hold him accountable daily but it has been neat to watch him flourish since his 10/24 surgery. he's quite a guy.

Molly is doing well with her schooling and I'm thankful for her quick wit and ability to adapt and learn. She and Levi are thrilled to become Aunt Mo and Uncle Levner. E and Mel are pretty thrilled as well.

David, Tom, Will and Joylily continue to work up in South Bend for most weekdays...They are home this week, which is nice for the change of pace. We are hunkering down for winter and wish so badly that we could be bears and just hibernate. Indiana winters are sucky.

I also must add that I didn't even do Christmas cards this year....I'd planned to use Natalie's fam pic from the wedding and still may. I just couldn't hack it thru the much to do, so much sadness in my heart and sheer busyness. I absolutely love doing the cards and sending them out. I still may. Valentine's day cards anyone??

Please pray for me as I help to navigate the office end of Young Final Finish, learn the new Quickbooks system, try not to pull my  hair out and help out in the best way possible. Also pray for our family...all of our families actually. Struggles and misunderstandings continue and I just have to lay it all at the feet of Jesus. He alone understands our hearts.

I'll leave you with these gems that I've written down...straight from the mouths and hearts of my dear hearts...

in regards to people living with broken-hearts: "That's what make the sparkle in your're always on the verge of tears!" -Melanie Young    I challenge you to look around at the people near you...who is living with a broken heart? I know I'm thankful for my broken heart. It has opened my eyes.

"Love is two - fold: you can't have love with all mercy and no truth." - Ethan Young

"If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love." - Jon Foreman

Psalm 27:10

Plenty more where these came from but this ol' gal is tired. Good night and God Bless You!! thank you for stopping by.