Thursday, October 27, 2011
|I can find you anywhere, sweetie|
|perfection, if not slightly bruised from his fast exit.|
I can't believe that our sweet cherub left us 17 Thursdays ago.
it just does
seem possible that the baby I grew with fresh salsa, boiled eggs, salmon
and other good foods
is not here with us.
he actually tied a knot in his lifeline but kept himself alive till the very end
when the process that brought him out
cut off his blood supply
and he faded from this life
into life eternal, glorious
surrounded by angels
and God the Father
On this gloomy, rainy Thursday, that is at the head of a crazy busy weekend,
I will choose JOY and cling to the promise of that eternal life
and the fact that I know where my sweet boy is
Safe in the arms of Jesus
I love you, sweet Jack Oliver.
I will never be the same.
YOU have impacted so many people's lives.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
How are you?
doing well, I do hope.
I've inserted a picture of our new staircase art gallery.
I am really trying to implement art, to some degree, in the kids' school this year.
Mel, Levi, Molly and I did some oil pastels and chalk art last week. I actually think I like it.
Molly did ok, considering her age...but got all moody and temperamental when I helped her or told her she couldn't use one of the art tools. geez.
Anyways, hope you enjoy.
I'm outta here.
Friday, October 21, 2011
|Becky with sweet Grace|
Thursday, October 20, 2011
|16 Thursdays ago...|
Jack took off for Glory and left me with this mushy body and nothing to show for it.
Hello on this dreary, depressing, a lot like my mood kinda day, week.
David, Will and Ethan have been gone to Illinois since Monday. Should I expound on this?
I will say this...I realize who fills up my schedule the most. And I also realize who makes all the messes.
it has been a rough few days. I have absolutely NO get up and go.
I cry for no apparent reason.
well, I mean, the reason is apparent to me...and I pray most folks understand that this is where I'm at right now.
I still know where Jack is.
but I still want him here. and I hear stories about other people, babies, whatever....
and I just feel mad.
Then God, the Holy Spirit, redirects me to that place where I know HE is in control and that He has a plan.
He will be glorified.
I will rest in that.
Hope is born of suffering.
Have a JOYFUL Thursday.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I have a strange preoccupation with Abraham Lincoln and slaves. I am particularly drawn to really tall guys. David is not super tall but he's just right at 6 foot. Marshall Matt Dillon on Gunsmoke is particularly tall.
Ok, I'm not really sure what my point was in that...but looking at the Abe Lincoln displays at the Ford Museum just brought this preoccupation with tallness to the forefront of my warbly, cuckoo mind.
I think Abraham Lincoln was pretty cool. I like that he was in office when slavery was abolished.
There is no connection to anything I'm blogging tonight. I just wanted to start getting my MI pics up on here and will caption them at a later date, for Melanie and I are taking advantage of our girl time and we are beginning to Smash in our Smash books. What fun is this?? Molly just diarrhea-ed in her Pull-Up, after bouncing from the chair to the couch and back again. I was really hoping she'd fall asleep a bit ago, but no. She'd obviously snuck some of my coffee. ack.
David and the big boys are in Illinois till Thursday.
Levi is at Aunt Sherry and Uncle John's for the night...Mel and I got a good work out in at the YMCA. I have absolutely no motivation, whatsoever, to do anything out of the ordinary. Heck, even ordinary things seem to be too much for me right now. I'm not sure what's going on...if this is the stage of grief that I'm in...I am at a complete loss. Life is beautiful...Bring the Rain...look up the lyrics to that MercyMe song...it's playing on my playlist to the right...a beautiful song. perfect. especially today with this chilly rain.
fits my mood to a T.
Off to Smash with my patient, loving 13 year old girl. Adios!
Miss you, Sweet Jack.
Monday, October 17, 2011
|Nora Jean 4 years|
sweet little munchkin
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
|Miss you, Sweet Jack Oliver Young.|
Today is a busy day.
I just wanted to drop in and say HI.
15 Thursdays ago.
Anyways, this weekend, October 15th, is National Babyloss Awareness Day.
I'm so glad my baby's not LOST.
I know right where he is.
In the Arms of his Savior.
I'm Jealous. :)
I really hope to get back on here later to blog our trip to MI and my amazing visit with a Saint of the Faith, Valetta Steel Crumley yesterday.
But tonight I'm joining the Y again and I could NOT be happier.
So "happy" Thursday.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Yeah, I'm post-partum but usually having the baby here helps .... gives me a good excuse for some extra weight...
Happy Wednesday Y'all...
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
with no more sorrow, no more tears...
today is not that day.
I went out early with David today. He had a work meeting and then an eye appointment...pupils dilated...looking weird he is! Our last stop, after coffee, was to the Marion County Health Dept. to pick up Jack's death certificate.
sounds "easy" right? went thru the motions, showed 'em my ID, waited for them call Jack's name...waaa...paid $15 for said document...
Walked out the door and......
bawled in the beautiful sunlight...that weird sobbing that I've become very accustomed to of late. from the depth of my being....Driving on highway 70, with tear soaked eyeballs, mascara running down my face, and a husband with spooky, dilated eyes..we were quite a pair.
I mean, I knew how he died...but seeing it on a notarized document was just too much. So final.
Cause of death A. Complications of birth with knot in cord
Cause of death B. Neonatal asphyxia with cord compression
Isn't that raw?
I will still lift my face to the heavens. I will still seek Your face...I don't understand this. Probably never will...but I trust in Jesus Christ. God the Father. This hurts. this sucks (pardon me) I can't believe it actually happened to us. I can't believe I held that little guy on my chest and he was gone. I grew him, he was perfect, he had all of his parts, whole...but in the end, the very thing that was his lifeline, took his life...natural causes the certificate says. Yup, it's true. man.
Ok, well, I need to go...Beck and I are going to visit Jack's grave together and pray tonight. I am truly honored to have her in my life. even if I am the original funny (to blog about this another day).
Upcoming blog posts I need to remember:
Meeting with Valetta Steel Crumley on Wed Oct 12
Becky and how she gets all of her jokes/material from me
Our trip to MI
Monday, October 3, 2011
|One of my all time faves. My brother's camera is magical. 10/16/10|
Do you ever hear a song that you've listened to over and over and over and over and over again and then you hear it again, for like the bajillionth time and it has whole new meaning or you hear something you hadn't noticed before or you appreciate it like you never have?
I did that today with a Jars of Clay song that is in my Jack Oliver Young playlist on my iPod. It's called The Valley Song. (I had it on my blog playlist over there but it's gone now). I clicked on it, listened and the floodgates opened as Mel and I walked today. It's hard to walk and close your eyes. my exercise time always makes me cry...and not just because it's hard to make yourself do something challenging like that and I'm uber lazy and kinda resentful right now. (I'm not at the point in my post-partum exercise journey where I LOVE, using that term lightly, to run or look forward to the rush of endorphins...it will come, just not yet). I am "resentful" because I keep thinking, "I gained all that weight, went thru alllll of that, and I don't even have a sweet baby boy back home, waiting for me to get done exercising!!"
If you can find it, you should...it's my new anthem. The words will stop you in your tracks. The chorus goes "I will sing of Your mercy that leads me thru valleys of sorrow to rivers of JOY....." each verse is just incredible, astounding, and deep for anyone who calls on the name of Jesus Christ.
~This picture has nothing more to do with tonight's post than the simple fact that it was taken the day I found out, took my little test, that I was expecting. And another simple fact...it's just an awesome pic that makes me smile and so glad that God put this little whirling dervish into my life, into our lives. She is beautiful. I look at her and I can see what Jack would've been like...without the insane love of princess movies, boa's, clicky shoes and dress up...I think he would've been mischievous but non-dramatic. I also think he would have had her light blue eyes and smattering of freckles.
Let me leave you with this...and lemme tell you, I'm chock full o' goodies but I will limit myself:
In church yesterday, Randy was preaching from the book of Jude...and somewhere toward the middle to end of his message, he mentioned standing before God...and I had the coolest thought/vision/picture of me standing at His feet, with Jack in my arms. and all that crazy, light brown hair sticking straight up, while he smiles up at me and coos. I don't know how all of that goes, but for now, these images help me thru the days.
Ok, one last thought...TORY??? where are you?
Allright, good night. God bless you.
forgive this all over the place post. I am such a ding dong.