|Day 22: hands. I love these little chewed up hands as they prepare to paint birdhouses at 10:45 on a Thursday night.|
Night owls. ha ha.
|Day 21: Faceless self-portrait. old neck.|
all that to say...while I have so very much to be thankful for, and I am, these are the days of what the...?
I'm not sure why this is. I'm sure specialists, fellow club member grievers, doctors, experts would say it's just part of the roller coaster.
I go to the dentist. I get six shots on one flippin' side of my mouth. It reminds me to take better care of myself. I take kids to the craft store so we can get wooden birdhouses that they will decorate for Jack's Garden or his grave. I ride bikes with whoever will ride bikes with me. We read together. We pick out ice cream at the store (I don't get any though, which is fine...my JC desserts are just fine and dandy). I do day 2 of my Couch to 5K program, which builds up my endurance to run non-stop though I swear I feel like I'm dying every now and then. I am adequately addicted to the endorphins that my body sends out to go just a bit further, to push myself and know that the results will be worth it. if I live. :) I could go on....I feel like I'm going thru the motions right now. Slappin' that smile on my face that tells everyone in my circles that all is well...
going thru the motions.
My head knows that all is well. really, it is. My trust in God is the one true constant in my life...kids grow up, husbands get stressed and we lash out, friends wonder how to help, do the very best they can (thank you, friends, loved ones), other people look at me like I'm the Grim Reaper. or maybe I'm imagining this..I dunno.
I'm ready for spring. I want to put my Welcome Spring sign out that Tambo gave me last year, while Jack thrived in my womb...Before Jack. After Jack.
goin' thru the funky motions. choosing JOY. trying to hug my kids, friends, family more. savor the little moments, like Molly tooting in the car or Levi trying his best to make me smile. Will or Ethan giving me kisses as they stoop down for a hug. Mel texting me as she heads south AGAIN (punk!) or David cheering me on...I love these funky motions.
So blessed to be here, to be Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, Molly and Jack's mom.
On another note: The coat rack that I decoupaged (I really need to take a pic but I need one more hook) is really cute. I'm zeroing in on an appropriate apple green color for our lower level. New pub table will be here in the next week. looking for two overstuffed (ish) chairs to put where the couch is so we can "get rid" of the leather sectional that is up here, which we kinda despise...light above island is DOWN! YAHOO...now to find another light. I need to blog that, baby...THAT was an awesome tear down. Can't believe how much space that seemed to free up...
Ok, I'm babbling. more later. my head is just a jumbled mess. be back later!
oh and while you are here, please click on my amazing new friend, Lori Weatherly's blog...it's called Facets of Life. I'm reading her book right (line up folks...) and she has been a real encouragement to me!! Check out her THURSDAY posting (that's today) 2-23-12. This woman, kapow, she is something!! I am just not sure I could use anymore explanation marks to show my excitement at finding her. NO ACCIDENT. God is in these details.
outta here...Molly is whiny whinerson so off I go.