nineteen

I think when they measured Jack at Community South, they gave him an extra inch because of his amazing hair.

Sweet boy, I miss you more than words can say but you know that.

I found the audio clip I took of your heartbeat at my January appt with MH yesterday and admittedly, I sat and bawled. Such a great, strong, alive heartbeat. I bet you didn't have your knot at that point. I think you must've gotten it around the time I really started to feel fear, deep to my bones and very inner soul. I think that started in February. I wonder if God will tell me, when I get to heaven, what day that was. Questions of a momma's heart...

I can't believe that I didn't think to take clothing to the hospital for you...but so thankful that the caring nurses there put you in some clothes.

I want to put my finger in your hand and have you clasp your sweet little fingers around it. You'd be 4 and a half months old now...close to sitting up, definitely rolling over, and getting very excited and smiley when any of your big sibs came into view.

I feel sorta gypped by that today. :(

While visiting with my friend, Jen and her family the other day, I realized this. Her sweet baby girl, Leemarie (your intended wife) is almost 8 months old. When any of the big brothers or sisters came into her line of vision, she'd light up. She is precious. I had a nice little moment imagining what your face would be like when Levi would pretend that you were kicking him and falling over...belly laughs. Or when Molly would tickle you under your neck or when any of the 3 big ones would come and swoop you out of my arms...we will never know this side of heaven. raw.

I do that a lot. imagine.

Hope Thursday is good to you, sweet lamb. I can't wait to see you someday. (I'm in no hurry, my living children)
And to whoever reads this. God bless you this day...

Praising Him in this storm.
Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, Molly and Jack's mom,
Laurie