4 weeks ago today...

This painting is called "Prince of Peace" by a young girl named Akiane. it appears in the book I just finished reading called "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo. I highly recommend this read...and I really like this picture of Jesus Christ.

Jack's temporary name marker...this will go into our Jack Oliver Young Butterfly garden that I'm working on...I really wish they'd put his June 30th date on this as well...

I know I'm long overdue to blog about what happened on June 30, 2011...to let you know, exactly how it came to be that Jack Oliver Young is not on this earth with us but is with his Heavenly Father...but I think I will have to do this slowly...it's pretty overwhelming.

In the respect that it was such a casual day...just laboring around, mowing lawn, taking a walk, seeing my neighbors, floating around in the pool...that was how the day was. I was in contact with my midwife on and off all day. Labor seemed to stall, so to speak, slow down, whatever. If you know me, you know that I have had 5 uncomplicated, textbook natural deliveries...4 of which had been at home with a midwife, Molly's (#5) taking place at the Nurse Midwives Birth Center, though I could've had her at home, or in the car....needless to say...there were no signs that there was any trouble or cessation of life in our 4th son. I felt him that early afternoon after mowing the lawn to help labor along.

Becky came down and David, the kids and I swam on and off, ate lunch, swam some more, timed contractions...which was weird because they were not painful. just slightly uncomfy, which was not the case with any of my other labors. so of course, I would not have made haste to get midwife there any sooner. Or if I was having a hospital birth, I wouldn't have even been there yet, that is how low key the labor seemed to be going. I figured it'd be later that night..

At 4 p.m. or so, Beck left and I came in to shower, get dressed and such. We'd been on the phone with midwife around this time, asking her to come check and hope that something would get going with an exam. Once I got inside, the labor kick started and boom...off we went...We then touched base with her again, saying that we definitely needed her to get here, since transition came on without warning. I labored in the garden tub and became very, very scared, nervous, freaked out...I'd been a bit more apprehensive this time around, not because of any signs with Jack or the midwife...just general anxiety. In reading back thru my journal of the past 10 months, I mentioned this a lot, even going so far as to say back in March that I "really hope you aren't tangling yourself up in your cord..." I was very scared for delivery...even though I've made it thru 5 times before with no trouble...

Ahhh, MH showed up, I writhed in pain and felt the urge to push...in her calm, confident way, she said "Go with it..." Push...

David looked into the tub to see what happened and uh oh...that doesn't look like a head...She checked and yelled for someone to call 911!! Instant fear...what is it? (still thinking in my head that things were going to be ok, even if they weren't right now...)

That's the cord, Laurie, you've got to get this baby out NOW! legs shoved back, my head smashing into who knows what, and MH trying to hold cord up inside of me....prolapsed cord, not good...

Jack Oliver Young came out in less than two minutes...up on my chest. limp. I can still feel his little body on me and it makes me shudder to recall it. I have always loved that feeling, when you get to the end of a pregnancy, go thru labor and it hurts but the end prize is that little body being put on your chest and crying and nothing hurts anymore and all you feel is LOVE. I felt it..I loved that boy...I love that boy.

oooh, look, a true knot, six inches down from his belly...two accidents of birth...one, you could maybe survive but not two...it was like a double whammy.

No life...but we hoped. I played with his sweet little feet, MH got the oxygen on him and Summer (assistant) began chest compressions.

All the while...I'm up above the room, observing this hellish scene...feeling so bad for the people that are living thru this obvious sadness...not believing that this kind of thing happens. out of body experience for sure...

I was yelling "C'mon Jack...you can do it...breeeeathe" ....I kept looking down at his little face, so cute, such a chubby little David chin and at his amazing hair...little tufts of cuteness and I even thought..."Well, good...all of that horrible heart burn was NOT in vain..." at his hands and long feet and toes...perfect in every way...he had David and Will's slender build...

I remember vividly looking up into MH's eyes and they were wide open...and she was shaking her head NO....to me or to herself, I don't know...

Paramedics from Waverly Volunteer Fire Dept. arrived and knew nothing...took up space...

a few minutes later, the real paramedic arrived and took sweet Jack from us. David went with them, holding out hope that he'd take a breath. so many thoughts run thru my head of how that could've gone.

I'm still trying to make sense of what happened. And that it happened at all. There was NO negligence on anyone's part...I had full prenatal care with one of the most caring midwives around, took care of myself just as I have with my other children...If anyone out there wants to slam home-birth and midwifery care, just look up the statistics. (the very day before, remember, I had my last prenatal and she listened to his heart for 15 minutes and it was strong and steady...and remember, he moved away from her hand on examination...he was very alive!!)

don't even go there.

not with me...I stand behind the midwifery model of care and hope my daughters and sons' wives will choose to deliver their children this same way...As David so eloquently put it, he'd made a decision while standing outside of the bathroom, listening to the paramedic do the chest compressions, not to question me (Laurie), our midwife, God or himself. We went down a path that we'd gone down before...life is risky. life is fragile.

Midwives got me cleaned up and out to the living room. David called after a bit to say that Jack was pronounced dead at 6:41 p.m. Just could not believe it...there is NO way that our baby did not make it. Jack was born straight into Jesus' arms. He is considered stillborn, even though I felt him moving in my womb that VERY day...how is one supposed to process this?

I don't question God...but I have had moments of anger...and questioning. but I always come back around to the good things...Jack will never get stung by a wasp, as Levi did so violently today. He will never get bullied, or have the flu, or have to deal with me when I'm cranky. Heaven knows he dealt with that enough while cradled in my womb...He is with the Lord, being loved on by Him, and my relatives and friends that have gone on before. I really hope that he is even getting to hear Keith Green sing praises, alongside Rich Mullins.

Ok, back to the story....Becky, Melanie, Tammy, Uncle John, Aunt Sherry, Will, Molly and Levi began our sad trek to Community South Hospital (David had gone in ambulance, Ethan and my Mom left before us to be there with David. My Dad was home, not feeling well, Tom was in California with Andy)...I will continue this later...I am thankful for the people that took such incredible care of us there...but that will be the next installment. thank you for continuing to pray for us. Settling into the "new normal" is very challenging. I'm not ok but I am. We so appreciate the meals, cards, care, prayers...I know that the prayers and petitions of brothers and sisters in Christ is doing wonders...I love you.

being still and knowing that He is God...

It is with deep sadness that I visit my beloved blog this morning.

Baby Jack Oliver Young went to be with his loving Heavenly Father yesterday, due to a prolapsed (cord comes first) and secondly, a true knot in his cord.

My family and I deeply appreciate your prayers and sensitivity at this time...

I will try to get back on with more information later...

Such a sweet boy he was...and if you could've seen all that crazy hair he had...all that heartburn.

I weep.

Correction: True knot was first reason Jack didn't make it. Once labor began and he began his descent, knot tightened and cut off his blood supply. Prolapsed cord was the response to this. I still just can't believe this happened to my sweet boy. I will never be OK with this... 9/14/12

IT'S A BOY!!!

the tech wasn't able to get a good profile shot of the little guy...but this is a cool pic, for it's the top of his head, eye sockets and nose and on the top part of the pic, his whole arm is there, like he's trying to cover his ear and below, you see the side of his hand. It's a good thing he's learning to cover his ears now, right?

you don't have to be an ultrasound technician to decipher what is happening in this pic. This pic is a view of his bum, thigh bones, and privates, which, I might add, he was not being very protective of at this time. (good thing, cuz I needed to know what he was) I was floored but so happy to know and that all of his parts were accounted for and midwife said from the report, that I'm maybe a bit ahead of schedule and he's thriving very nicely. Whew! good to hear. Forget all those crazy dreams I'd been having, leading me to believe I was carrying a girl...David's the guesser guy...if you wanna know what you're having, just ask him! (he was a little creeped out that he'd guessed right for the 6th time)...We can't wait to meet the little wiggler. Molly calls him "Little" Jack the Bear (see the Danny DeVito movie from around 1993)

_____________________________

We saw HIM. In all his boyhood glory...the Mountain Dew that I drank beforehand really paid off (thanks for the tip, Tiara)...he kept rubbing his eyes and jerking about.

I will go to Target and hope to print some of the pix of baby boy Young...and while you're at it, start suggesting some names that go well with Will, Ethan, and Levi...needs to be strong, manly and short syllabled.

Happy Friday...I'm in shock. Four sons. wow. (I haven't forgotten my 2 daughters)

room swap update...

Ahhhhh......deep breath.....

this is our bed. it's in the middle of everything. it's very.....Little House on the Prairie-ish.

this is the new color of our "new" room. It's been our room before, back in 2002...I'm wondering how I will fit David's ginormously BROWN Hyatt dresser into the new lovely turquoise/red/spa/bright/cheery room. Should I paint it? that's a blog post for another day.

So, tonight we are all a-jitter, as tomorrow is Ultrasound/Find out Day. It's been fun getting people's bets on what #6 is...and most people say BOY. which would be cool...It'd be fun and cute and wild to have yet another son. Who would he be more like? but mostly, and honestly, I pray for health and wholeness. for real. My girl quota has been more than met with Molly (and Melanie, but Mel was soooooo easy and laid back). Either way, it's an exciting night here.

I've got my bottle of Mountain Dew in the car, ready for our trip up....in hopes that bebe cooperates and shows us who they are. Pray for us, for we are anxious/eager and know that God is in total control of all of the situations surrounding this kid.

I'll be back on here tomorrow night to let you know...

Shellee, I know this is how we stay in touch and I'm so glad to hear that your baby girl is developing nicely. I know you are so eager to meet her. I am too! Thanks for your encouraging words on here in the comments and for your prayers. I hope you know we pray for you and your family too.

Hugs to you all...over and out....

past few days....

This is CeCe....aka Cyndy. She was one of my first friends in Indy. She also was a bridesmaid in our wedding. She also just happens to be the sister of my brother in law, Scott. So fun to think we share nieces. Funny how those things work out, eh? In this pic, we are at Nora's little Christmas program last Thursday. Last night, we attended Piper's Christmas program...Surely Tom will be posting pix on Facebook for me to steal. love ya, Cyndy. you're a good auntie.

so nice to see some siding on the ol' abode!

Bye bye Tyvek...you've worn out your welcome.

due to the frigid temperatures, Randypants hasn't been able to finish the siding. Plus, he's working for D's company...there's even more than this above pic finished and even unfinished, David and I are just in awe of what a difference siding makes. Green makes me happy.

This group of kids and their mothers bought supplies for 12 gentlemen...gloves, socks, toothbrush and paste, lotion, etc....to donate to the Wheeler Mission Ministry here in Indy. My awesome, compassionate friend, Tammy, organized this. love that girl.

In other exciting yet scary news, I had my first prenatal with our uber cool midwife, Mary Helen on Wednesday. I am 13 weeks+ along and since it's early, she told me we may not hear the heartbeat. It only took her 30 seconds with her Doppler to find #6's heartbeat and kapow! it was so strong.

so real.

so undeniable that, yes, there is another Young a-brewing. Kinda makes it seem real. She was really surprised at how loud, steady the little ticker was. I bet it's twins. She also poked my finger (youch) and I am slightly anemic, which explains the breathlessness even though I exercise 6 days a week. My liquid iron should arrive on my doorstep today. We are sooo very happy with our midwife. She is so much like our previous one (who just lives too far away from us now)...and such a calming influence....yah.

I shall return later on to hopefully post more pix but for now, Mel and I are ditching the four other kids here at home while we venture out to do a little Christmas shopping/hunting.

See ya later, taters...

cutie pie

sheer adorableness

he looks like he may speak here...

I stole these pix from my sister in law's Facebook page...so all credit goes to Natalie S., her amazing genes, Nick's amazing genes, and that killer camera. just in case you were wondering.

Ryan is almost ONE MONTH OLD now.

is he not THE cutest yiddle baby boy around? I'm pretty sure he is.

Seems like everyone is having babies. except for me. whew...scared ya there for a minute, huh?

Godspeed little man. You are loved.

A Few more pix of the birthday...and a funny birth story.

Momma Jr. (this baby likes to nuzzle)

These aren't the clearest pictures on this blog...don't quite know why they show up so foggy. Guess you will just have to come see us in person, ay??

Anyway, here's the story...hang on tight!

My labor was on and off all morning yesterday...started at about 2 a.m. with a weird "pop" noise under my belly button. I got up and watched TV all morning till 6 a.m., made my calls to the midwife and my sis and mom. We got to the birth center at about 8, was only dilated to THREE!! how frustrating. David and Mom took the 4 kids home while Beck stayed with me so I could labor there and get checked again in 2 hours. I slept, had a few killer contx., got checked again at 11 a.m. and was only at FOUR!! Ugh. We decided to leave so I could just go labor at home for the day...We got back at home at 12:54 p.m., had a few more killers and got in the tub...thought the water and warmth would help me to tolerate the pain and get thru the hardest parts...yeah, that didn't last too long. Once I got in the tub, the contx. picked up hot and heavy...from 7 minutes apart to 2-3. Youch. I was freaaaaaaaaaaaking out...how was I going to get from my tub to the Nurse Midwives tub without considerable pain and without having a baby...??? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....that was my mantra. It worked! David got a call into the midwives and mom/beck...threw the kids in the car and off we went.

On a good day, you can make it to the birth center in about 40 minutes. Yeah, a problem arose. I was starting to have the urge to push and then my water broke...David kept encouraging me to pant and not push the baby out but a couple of times, I thought for sure Molly was going to bust out...David was driving around cars in turning lanes, honking. He had Will make a sign for the window that said in bold letters, BABY...It is a MIRACLE that we didn't get in an accident or pulled over...up Highway 37 (construction no less and then on top of that, stupid Indiana drivers)...onto 465...again duh....and onto 38th St., the "hood", 3 lanes of stupid drivers...it is also a miracle that we didn't have to pull over so David could deliver our baby...whew!! Water is continuing to break and gush all over my passenger seat and I'm cringing, moaning and panting to keep her IN...insane. David's honking and c'mon-ing people, continuing to "encourage" me to act like we are just out for a nice drive....ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! We got to the birth center, I threw my door open while the middy's ran out to meet us...ripped my soaking pants off, threw on a towel (good foresight, huh?? didn't want to scar my kids or the passersby on a nice, bright clear July afternoon) and practically ran into the center. They were wonderful, nice calm music playing, candles, and the TUB...I jumped in, gave 2 good pushes and out she came...covered in vernix...with her cord wrapped tight around her neck, and she was holding onto her cord tight with her little right hand. I am trying right now to recall that feeling so I can always remember HOW PAINFUL IT IS!! and so I don't do this again...not that the kids aren't great but man, that was scary and painful and I'm far too old to live thru it again. We made it there with 5 minutes to spare...whew!!

Ok, yikes, having flashbacks and freaking myself right out...it is truly amazing how you can go from stark raving mad laboring woman to euphoric, joyful mother...a gift from God, for sure...She was screaming right from the get-go...good color, alert and good apgar scores of 9 at one minute and 9 at 5 minutes. The only sad part was that Mom and Beck missed this whole show...Beck got into the room just in time to hear her first cry and get my tub pix...Thanks B...you ROCK my sister. I would truly have not made it through this without YOU, MOM, DAVID and JESUS CHRIST! My kids were AMAZING and oh so helpful also...they saw things yesterday that some of you have probably never seen....(not that that's bad....) and when we got settled, they were so over the moon for Miss Molly! She is blessed to have four awesome sibs to help with her and to love her...in fact, as I type this (and yes, I do seem to be going on, sorry for that)...Levi is over on the couch holding her ever so gently...it's sooooooooo cute.

I am exhausted!! Molly is doing well today, nursing well (rock on!!), and man is she sweet!! She is so tiny and perfect....can't get over how blessed we feel! Thank You for all of your thoughts, calls, prayers and care. Thanks B and Mom for the delish dinner tonight, parmesan crusted chicken breast, rice with broccoli and cheese, corn on the cobby, big salad, choco cake...mmm mmm good. I love you guys!! So much. I guess I should close for tonight...I'll be back tomorrow...God bless all of you!!

O yeah, I will get a pic of Levi with Molly on here tomorrow...I have some, just have to download them...he has not been forgotten!! G'night...peace out.

Here She is!!

Molly Christine was born today at 2:55 p.m., weighing in at 7 pounds, 7 ounces, 20" long. She is chubby (for a newborn anyway) and although looks like her big bro E and big sis Mel, has a look all her own so far...she also has a wonderful set of lungs. Ha!!
I will get back on here tomorrow, when I've hopefully had some sleep, and recount the events of this day....they are rather movie-like and adventurous!! Some of you have heard the funny story...lucky you...

Praise the Lord that she made it safely and in the care of the midwives and not on the highway. Praise the Lord for a husband that was willing to drive like a madman to get us to the birth center on time...he was awesome and helpful today!! Praise the Lord that she seems healthy so far, has good lungs, bright, clear eyes and big siblings that can't seem to get enough of her (for now anyway). Praise the Lord that she was so fearfully and wonderfully made. Praise the Lord that I AM DONE GIVING BIRTH. Amen and amen.

G'night folks...I'll be back with more tomorrow. Love to you all!! sorry this took me so long, we had visitors.

Levi and baby bedding

Love that boy's profile!
Just laying there, wetting my bed...but so cute!
Clothesline bedding for the baby

*Pacing and nesting, scrapping, and cleaning...I'm trying to do it all. It's kinda funny...is this the night? I pray so but my hopes are beginning to fade.

**I took a nap at about 8 p.m. and little Levi came in to lay with me. He fell asleep and has been asleep since then...(it's 12:51 a.m.). He looked cuter in person all snore-y and sleepy but these pix don't show that I forgot to put his pull-up on him and he soaked my bed...niiiiiiiice. My sheets will be nice and clean. Poor dude even missed our once in a blue moon, rare treat of Donato's pizza...mm mm good.

***The last picture is of Molly's new bedding...is that not the cutest quilt you've seen?? Makes ya hope that the ultrasound is correct, that it's a girl and that the baby is actually going to show up this week or next...yeah, I got all of that from that bedding picture. It's called clothesline. Thank you, Granmma and Grampa Greenie. We love the bedding and can't wait to lay her tiny bum down on it.

****Ok, well, on that note, enjoy these cheesy pix...and I will be back real, real soon. Peace out, sistas and bruthas.