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| Molly, of course, had to teach Ryan how to lock himself between our main door and the storm door. look closely... |
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| a rousing game of Apples to Apples. I do believe Nick won! |
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| things were getting pretty heated. not really. it was a blast though! |
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| teaching the Whirling Dervish (aka Ryan :D) how to jump on Mel/Moll's bed. |
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| Molly wanted to baby him and he would have NO part of that! He is a BIG BOY! |
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| Visited a cool (if not kind of abandoned) mall in Bloomington last Wed with the Shipman fam...Natalie is due to have her second baby, a girl, around June 9th. |
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| cute girls |
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| We then found this rivetingly long hallway, where we stood and sweat (it was rather warm in there) and let Ryan run back and forth. He is a force!! |
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| Ethan really was JUST this age (Ryan will be two, in August) |
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| run boy, run! |
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| The doting parents. |
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| Molly's turn by the cool old phone booth. |
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| A cool alley shot. |
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| visiting the county seat... |
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| we took the S fam to the Miller-Showers park that we always visit on our trips to Btown. Ethan was playing peek-a-boo. |
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| Nick (aka Ryan, to me) gets up close and personal with the ...creepy yet cool statute thingy. |
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| My kids love their Uncle Nick, Aunt Nat and cousin Ryan. I'm pretty sure they will love Sophie (baby #2) also! |
Today has been a really good day. I've gotten a lot done...
Today also marks the 40th week, 6th day since Jack's earthly departure...That was the day that he was born...40w, 6 days. Tomorrow, he will be gone longer than he was ever "here". Incognito, but here.
Emotionally, I am doing ok. Thanks for asking. But honestly, grief is vicious. Hits outta nowhere. Everyone else, truly, goes on...but a grieving mom NEVER lets go. EVER. Especially not as far as we got. We were at the finish line...This week, I keep replaying those intimate moments. Those eyes of our competent middy...the panic that turned to pain...his adorable little face, chin, hair, legs...ahhhh. I miss you, darling one.
My favorite song to run to is fitting. It has a good, steady rhythm...
Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman
It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
As everything came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes
That are left behind
But buried deep beneath all our broken dreams
We have this hope
Out of the ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming
In the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise
So take another breath for now
And let the tears come washing down
And if you can't believe
I will believe for you
'Cause I have seen the signs of spring
Just watch and see
Out of these ashes,
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness
New life will shine
And we'll know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning,
I can hear it in the distance
And it's not too far away
It's the music
And the laughter of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face to wipe the tears away
You say "It's time to make everything new
Making it all new"
This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
It will take our breath
To see the beauty that He's made out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
I screamed till my voice was gone
And watched through the tears
As everything came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
And sift through the ashes
That are left behind
But buried deep beneath all our broken dreams
We have this hope
Out of the ashes
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming
In the morning
In the morning
Beauty will rise
So take another breath for now
And let the tears come washing down
And if you can't believe
I will believe for you
'Cause I have seen the signs of spring
Just watch and see
Out of these ashes,
Beauty will rise
And we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of this darkness
New life will shine
And we'll know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning,
I can hear it in the distance
And it's not too far away
It's the music
And the laughter of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
Reaching for my face to wipe the tears away
You say "It's time to make everything new
Making it all new"
This is our hope
This is a promise
This is our hope
This is a promise
It will take our breath away
To see the beauty that's been made
Out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
It will take our breath
To see the beauty that He's made out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
Out of the ashes
On this eve of the 41st Thursday, I hope you will read thru these words, maybe even look this song up on Playlist or iTunes...it's a wonderful song. In fact, SCC's album of the same title is definitely a worthy purchase...he wrote it after their daughter, Maria, died in 2008.
And for those of you on the exercise path, get this song on a playlist, use it to encourage you to improve your health, or use it to take you to the next level of worshiping the Creator of the Universe...He, Jesus Christ, is worthy of our praise.
so many thoughts I could share here but tomorrow is Thursday, after all...so I'm off to sleep. forgive the rambliness of this post...
4 comments:
Laurie I love your Ramblings. You are really good at dates sadly I am not....I actually forgot my own wedding anniversary three years in a row.LOL What you said is so true I know I will never get over losing Jonathan, I will just grow stronger. I am so thankful to read your posts and know I am not alone. Funny how we mix our daily lives in with our grief...but that is how real life is. I love the sweet pics as always :)
Really? Did someone tell you that they thought that I was running low on tears? ;) I honestly just sometimes don't know...don't know what to say, don't know what to think, and don't know why I have the right to shed your tears? How cocky of me for me to steal your tears...here, have them back. Oops, there is one (thousand) less...so sorry.
Tory
Tesha, it is who we are now, isn't it? these are our stories, intricately woven into all of the bright, joyful moments, are moments of intense sorrow. A beautiful dance. I am so honored to be dancing it..it reminds me that the Lord LOVES ME. Hugs to you, sweet hurting momma. As Lori Weatherly always tells me, one day closer to seeing our boys...(I love your blog, Tesha!! hope it's ok that I added you to my sidebar. :D)
Tory, these are your tears as much as they are mine..and ya know what? I will gladly share them. I love that you cry with me...you have to know how much that means to me, dear cousin o' tender heart!
Your tears say it all.
Love to you both.
My husband and I LOVE that whole CD! My hubby keeps saying that one day he will be able to sing that song in our church...What a testimony that will be! Thank you for being so candid about your journey. This experience really does change us and we will never be the same people we were before. Thanks for sharing!
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