Thursday, March 1, 2012

I want to Thank you....

not sure what they're all doing...

but the sentiment is this: Thank You.


Thirty-five.
That's how many Thursdays ago we were coming home from the hospital, in a fog of shock, after spending the evening holding the baby that was supposed to be alive but wasn't. All 21.25 inches, 7 lbs 7 oz of humanness that was grown, in secret, for 40 weeks and 6 days in my womb. I would imagine that even at 52 Thursdays, 78 Thursdays or 112 Thursdays, I will still feel a bit of "What the heck just happened...".

I will never be able to look at our garden tub the same. Do you have a spot on this earth, that you can go to, and know your life was changed forever? Sometimes for the worse, maybe for the better? I can't say that my spot is either...definitely can't clean that tub without thinking about, replaying all the moments of that Thursday, June 30, 2011, where my life changed with two pushes, frantic midwife eyes, practiced hands of her and her assistant and pleas of "Please, breathe, little fella...c'mon...it's your momma, you can do this..." before utter shock and disbelief set in and I knew.

I knew that that little guy, who looked SO much like his daddy, had departed this life.

Just want to say thank you.

To you, heart broken momma, crying out for help...thank you for visiting my blog. Please know that I am here for you. Just contact me...don't go it alone. I haven't had to, so you shouldn't have to either.

To you, friend, fellow mother, sister, grandpa, cousin, whoever you are...thank you for caring. Thank you for serving. Thank you for mercy and grace. Friends who remain for these gritty days. Cards sent for 35th Thursdays, mommas courageous enough to share their stories...



Sweet Jack, thank you for your brave life, nary a moment lived in vain...

Heavenly Father, thank you for a sunny Thursday. Your Grace...we are swimming in it.

Rejoice in the Lord, Alway...and again, I say REJOICE.

7 comments:

Mel Cunniff said...

Thank you .... for the courage to share your feelings, faith, and raw emotion. Thank you for clinging to the truth that His grace is sufficient. Praise the Lord in advance for the people who are drawn to your story and to the God you love for comfort in their own loss. Praying for you at this very moment .... peace, grace, and comfort! Love ya .... very speical momma, friend.

Anonymous said...

Thank you dear one... For being there for the broken hearted momma crying out for help... For sharing so openly... For praying fior others even through your own hurt... And for helping us all to chose JOY through all things!
Annette

Jamie said...

beautifully said

Tesha said...

THANK YOU! Beautiful heartfelt post.
Thank you so much for coming by to see my blog. I am very lonely and really appreciate the kindness. You have such a beautiful family and lovely spirit, it comes across in your post.
once again Thank you

Anonymous said...

Seeing these pictures makes me wonder what your Christmas picture will be. I know, I am crazy, but I love getting your family picture. This last year was especially beautiful with JOY.

Always,
Tory

The Rogers Family said...

I wish I had the words to say...your friendship to me is such a gift, and your sharing of emotions and love for Christ through it all has truly shown me that I have so much to be thankful for despite hard circumstances...THANK YOU...JOY is something I always look for now thanks to your little guy's legacy...hugs across the miles...

Brittany said...

Love you, Sister. It's been a really emotional last few days for me for several reasons. I haven't felt the depth of grief you are feeling but I definately have dates, places, things, experiences that bring the fresh grief in and also the fresh grace into my life.

So very glad to be part of your life and have you as part of mine. Hugs, Laurie.