Wednesday, August 24, 2011

some days are better than others...

I'm working on a way to always have a little charm of Jack with me, so I can look at it when I need to, show someone without overwhelming them with a gigantic pic of my sweet angel boy. I am also working on, and hoping to have a sterling silver JOY bracelet made up soon. I will post when it's done.

Jack's grave last week...

There is a page for each kid, and this one, which has a pic of our family and one of Jack in the pocket...such a cute idea.

she wrote me a letter, which is safely tucked away in the pockety part of the lunch bag book.

the cover of Mel's gift to me...lunch bag book...held together with sock monkey ribbon.

Hi there. It's hot today. Our septic tank is backing up. Kids are busy,busy, busy with their school work and I'm stuck in a rut of sadness.

I put on a normal face but he's always there. From the book I'm reading, called "They Were Still Born", this is just the way it's always going to be. I like this book because 1.) The title implies that he was STILL born, even if he died...and 2.) It's chock full of essays written by people, men and women, that lost their baby before birth. Some lost their babies days before, knowing that they would deliver a still child and some, like me, thought that they were delivering an alive child only to be smacked in the face with the reality that our babies had died. I still can't believe it. I'm really struggling with this today, really missing that little fella. It's 8 weeks goes on, right?

Yup. septic tanks back up, bills get paid, kids need to be run here, there, hither and yon and I still wish my baby boy was here. That will never change. Life does go on, God is still good, I still trust His Son, Jesus Christ, but my family is missing someone. This is my story...

Had a good, unexpected cry driving up 37 today...the close your eyes while you drive, uh oh, kind...then while making salsa because I kept thinking about all the salsa I ate while I was carrying Jack, and the thoughts that would run thru my head..."Ohhh, such good baby growing food I'm eating today...this boy will love salsa"!

Ok, well, just so ya know, that's where I'm at. missing our baby, loving and enjoying my living children to the best of my ability...cherish.

Hope you are doing well! Thanks for stopping by, thanks for praying, thanks for thinking of me, dropping me notes, sending things, crying with me. Means the world to me.


Jodi said...

Hey you...

The salsa made me cry.
So did Melanie's book.
I just got an email back that I sent to you earlier today...I must have typed in the email wrong? Do you have mine?
I love you and still anticipate coffee soon.

Tory said...

I absolutely adore Melanie's scrapbook. What a great kid you have! Of course, the others are equally great. They are all keepers. And, I like the bracelet. What a treasure! I hope that today you feel the loving arms of God wrapped around you even more than normal. Hugs, t

Tashena said...

The charm is quite... charming - and quite adorable might I add - with that little precious boy of yours on it! Can't wait to see it!
Mel is SUCH a sweetie! We had a nice walk this morning. The book she made doesn't surprise me - she's so thoughtful! Such a doll!
Hope today is a little easier - I did see the septic man pull in while standing at my sink! 1 thing off the list!
XO to you, Dear Laurie!

Jodi said...

I just noticed that you changed the name of your blog! Beautiful! Keep speaking JOY! Keep living JOY! I love you!

Brittany said...

I like your name-change!

I wish I could say or do something to relieve your grief.

I'm still praying for you and love you.

Mel's book is awesome.

Laurie and company said...

Thanks Ladies!
Jodi, I think I might have your address...maybe on all of the homeschool group correspondence. Thanks for crying with me. :) means a lot to me. I loved your second comment too...speaking JOY, living it, even if I feel like I'm failing at it...I love you, sweet lady!
Tory, I did feel God's loving arms around me, even in the deepest sadness, I do...thanks for praying and checking in on me. <3 love you, cuz.
Tashena, thanks for walking with Mel yesterday! I am beyond blessed to have you as my neighbor. You are a ray of Godlly sunshine to me, and to all of us. Have a good Friday/weekend. (good job running this morning!) you're awesome, my dear <3 love you
Britt, just knowing you are praying helps to relieve grief...I appreciate it so much! love you, my friend!