some days are better than others...

I'm working on a way to always have a little charm of Jack with me, so I can look at it when I need to, show someone without overwhelming them with a gigantic pic of my sweet angel boy. I am also working on, and hoping to have a sterling silver JOY bracelet made up soon. I will post when it's done.

Jack's grave last week...

There is a page for each kid, and this one, which has a pic of our family and one of Jack in the pocket...such a cute idea.

she wrote me a letter, which is safely tucked away in the pockety part of the lunch bag book.

the cover of Mel's gift to me...lunch bag book...held together with sock monkey ribbon.

Hi there. It's hot today. Our septic tank is backing up. Kids are busy,busy, busy with their school work and I'm stuck in a rut of sadness.

I put on a normal face but he's always there. From the book I'm reading, called "They Were Still Born", this is just the way it's always going to be. I like this book because 1.) The title implies that he was STILL born, even if he died...and 2.) It's chock full of essays written by people, men and women, that lost their baby before birth. Some lost their babies days before, knowing that they would deliver a still child and some, like me, thought that they were delivering an alive child only to be smacked in the face with the reality that our babies had died. I still can't believe it. I'm really struggling with this today, really missing that little fella. It's 8 weeks tomorrow...life goes on, right?

Yup. septic tanks back up, bills get paid, kids need to be run here, there, hither and yon and I still wish my baby boy was here. That will never change. Life does go on, God is still good, I still trust His Son, Jesus Christ, but my family is missing someone. This is my story...

Had a good, unexpected cry driving up 37 today...the close your eyes while you drive, uh oh, kind...then while making salsa because I kept thinking about all the salsa I ate while I was carrying Jack, and the thoughts that would run thru my head..."Ohhh, such good baby growing food I'm eating today...this boy will love salsa"!

Ok, well, just so ya know, that's where I'm at. missing our baby, loving and enjoying my living children to the best of my ability...cherish.

Hope you are doing well! Thanks for stopping by, thanks for praying, thanks for thinking of me, dropping me notes, sending things, crying with me. Means the world to me.

Repeat: reasons to hide your camera from your kids & calendar pages..

I leave to make lunch and this is what the kids do!
She resembles a Hobbit...minus hairy feet.
Ethan loves to take pics of people's eyes, noses etc...
These are Levi's winkers

Beck, I am just about done on your calendar

Today was a miserably rainy, 63 degree (whaaaaa?) day here in the swell midwest! Indiana is suffering from some serious flooding right now! We are safe in our ark! Meanwhile, I have a full plate but without writing all of the mundane little tasks I have before me, one of the biggest feats will be completing the calendars I had hoped to have completed last weekend, for dear sissy and dear mommy (part of their Christmas gifts)...I'm coming, girls...Beck, yours will be done before mom's..(sorry momma). This is NOT cool in my book.

Melanie and I walked in the rain today. My treadmill is down. bummer. I came home and rode on the recumbent bike as well. Great motivation for losing weight (besides the obvious ones like being uncomfy, lack of clothing, and not being able to do the tango, etc) is watching Biggest Loser...Love.....that....show.

We ended our evening with some praise time, Bible reading and prayer as a family, David came home at 7:30 tonight! It is such a blessing to sit around in our living room, sing some songs to praise the Lord, read some really good scripture (Matthew ch. 6 tonight) which ends with Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you... I pray our kids seek God's will for their lives first and foremost...above all else. We are reading thru the New Testament as a family this year, which has proven to be quite interesting thus far...the first chapter of Matthew is such and such begat this guy who begat this dude...etc. Mel was worried because she wasn't sure how to pronounce the names. cute girl! :) wish I was half as tender-hearted!

> Forgive the rather chatty post, I did drink some coffee at 9 p.m.

<>Beck, we need to see each other, I am having some serious withdrawal and I know Molly is missing Nora...let's hook up sis! I miss you something fierce!

> Up next, the Divine Miss M's 6 month birthday (Jan. 9) as well as a celebration of my mom's birthday on the 10th...will have to look out some "fun" pix for this! Until then, peace out!

~~I'm slightly addendum happy this week...but, in the post just south of here, I need to correct myself...the title should have read that I act like I have nothing better to do...don't ya hate it when you have a lot to do but you want to avoid it for as long as possible? that is what I was doing. I wanted to correct myself so I don't look like a COMPLETE loser/slacker! ok, thanks!~~