Jason B. led us in some worship...beautiful.
so many people to thank...it will be my part time job for the next few months...or even a year.
some of the 182 people that joined us, in person, for Jack's Celebration last Saturday. Many more people expressed desire to be with us but with busy summers or long miles, they couldn't be with us physically but the prayers were felt...all the way from Japan, the Philippines, California, New York City etc. Thank you, guys. amazing....
So many things I could type here...and I'm just at a total loss. I need to turn my head off.
But it's nighttime. Nighttime is the worst right now (Hello Melatonin!!) David and I aren't sleeping well and I usually end up sobbing myself to sleep. I'm at the denial/searching phase of grief. Numbness and shock have worn off. mostly. no, not really...
I know where Jack is. I rest in that. I have a hope that I will see him again. I thank the Lord that He has my/our son/brother/nephew/grandson/cutie pie safely with Him in Glory.
But I want him here. and that is part of grieving. You (I'm talking to no one in particular) need to let me want him to be here. and I need to be able to cry, vent, talk, weep, say things like "the last time I was here at ______, I was pregnant, or I had Jack in my tummy...." whatever.
I'm just in a weird place. somewhere I've never been before and these waters are choppy and so unpredictable. Thank you for letting me grieve. Thank you for letting me talk about my sweet wild haired 7 and a half pound boy. Thank you for letting me put pix of him up on here. Thank you for hugging me and helping me out. Thank you for ministering to my family.
I miss him so very much. It hurts deeper than I ever, ever imagined it would.
"Be still and know that He is God. Be still and know He is our Father. Come rest your head upon His breast, listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love, beating for His little ones, calling each of us to come....Be still, be still"