This is "being held"

We were trying to get out and enjoy the beautiful weekend...and boy was it. So, while waiting for Mel to arrive back at church, the remainders of us made a quick li'l visit to Independence Park, a local fave. I got to glimpse this, which I will never tire viewing.

Forgive me, Will. I didn't get a pic of just you because you and Dad kept having those in-depth convo's and it was just hard to get you looking chilled. Work talk takes it outta even you! 

I don't remember what I was "fist-pumping" but it was NOT my hair do. I'm trying to grow my hair out and it's taking forever! I was probably fist pumping pumpkin spice coffee or the amazing clouds on this day, which reminded me of Jack and all of his friends who are waiting for us in Gloryland. 

David and I usually share a venti whatever. I'm sure he loves my Burt's Bees colored chap stick on our mutual drink.

They can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies...but enemies never lasts for too long.

What do you imagine when you see clouds this magically poofy?
Now, I imagine sweet baby Jack, with his beautiful, crazy brown hair, kicking around on them.
I could be totally off but hey.

The clouds on this Sunday, Sept 23 were loverly.
I notice them so much more now.
Thank you, Jack.
I still have to blog the cloud pix, from high above in the sky, that my dear Jamie, sent me from her recent get away.

Good Wednesday Evening...this time next week, it'll be October already.
Right now, we are being attacked by gnats/fruit flies inside and weird flies outside. I love this time of year but kinda despise the weird bugs that emerge...spiders, roaches, flies, gnats, lady bugs. ick.

Bees are dying by our door. I stepped on one last night, not realizing he was dying in our doorway and the bugger stung me. I didn't like that. but I'm ok. thanks for asking.

These are the days of "being held". What is that exactly? I'm finding out...
We are coming up on what would've been Jack's 15 month birthday. i was going thru pix the other day and found pics of my last living boy child, Levi. He was such an interesting boy...chubby, laid back, slightly muppety, tonguey. I found myself wondering if Jack Oliver would've resembled Levi...I mean, he had three big brothers he could have imitated...can you imagine? THREE.

and he didn't make it. I had some really harsh recall of his delivery today and it brought me to tears as I drove (never good). as soon as I dried it up a bit, Natalie Grant's song, Held, came on the radio. what timing....

Held
Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to usWho have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held


When I first heard this song back in the fall of 2005, my life was totally different. Four kids, working hubby, homeschooling, low key on the friend/busyness front, in a dead church....blah blah blah...
It has a whole new meaning to me now....and to think I thought I was being held back then (I was but man, what I took for granted....)
Living thru family situations, yes, they are hard. but enduring what happened on that Thursday evening in June of 2011, whew. 

I look back on that and shudder. I was on the cusp of something big and there were no trumpets or heavenly representatives (that I could see), airplane banners across the sky....nope. Just me and my family of almost 8.

I thank the Lord Jesus Christ for the things He is teaching me. I may never know, this side of heaven, how this all goes down but as the stilts and the things that I call dear to me here are knocked out from underneath me, I am clinging more and more to my Savior. He is my Rock and my Fortress, my Comforter and the only thing that makes sense in this life.

I really didn't plan to get all mushy but seeing those pix up there of my beautiful living blessings and knowing the trials I've been thru makes the fight for them all the more important. 

I'm outta here and hope that this finds you well, healthy and enjoying a delicious autumn. 
be back soon...

I think tomorrow is week 65 but honestly, I'm counting 30's now. I miss you, little boy. i know you know that.