heavenly

Yesterday, January 11, 2013, was the 2 year date for this little doll. Sully, my amazing friend Jamie's little boy, left this life while taking a nap. No matter how many times you say that, type it or think it, it NEVER gets easy. You almost always feel like you could maybe possibly throw up a little bit.  Or a lot.  Sully, you are missed. I look at your pic at my desk every day.
Sully Sunshine

this moment in my life, captured by the amazing nurses that cared for us,  will forever be etched in the corners of my mind. I had a really hard time looking at baby Jack that night. It must've been shock. It all seemed like such a horrific dream...maybe if I look away for a minute, I will look back down and he will be ALIVE. This is all just fake.
But there was never any denial that I felt cradled in the Lord's arms. People don't understand how I could still believe in a God that would allow the death of our fully developed, perfectly whole, 40 week, 6 day babe...but until you've lived it....just....well, endured it...this loss, the Lord's presence...don't knock it.
I miss you so very much, Jack Oliver.
I praise the Lord for the gift of your precious life and I always will.

Jack had the most perfect little head and face.  Forever perfect.
It hurts to look at this picture but I needed to put him on here again.
Precious darling boy.

Jack
Oliver
Young
6.30.2011

(the kid on the show the kids are watching is named, of course, Jack. Everyone keeps saying Jack. a lot. Sometimes I just feel so gipped that we don't get to yell his name at him...."Jack Oliver, get over here right now. Jack, don't touch that. Jackkkkk, stay outta the mud. Jack, don't mess with your brother's Legos. Jack, pick up your dirty clothes. man. what a great little name. missing our boy tonight.)