Wednesday, January 30, 2013

19 months

always remember.

I had grand plans to blog about a day in the life again...and also great plans for everything to be somehow glorious and bright here. (not that it really isn't...)

But we woke up to warm rain that gradually turned into cold rain and partial snow. blah. that's how my heart feels today. The wind blows coldly and it may turn me to ice.

choose joy.

Union stuff...bah humbug. is it really worth being a part of a union?
prolly not. but I won't go into that....

choose joy.

Kids did well with their tasks, duties and school today. David had a meeting and ran some errands. I saw my sister for like, 5 minutes...Ethan is working with Uncle Tom. Will took our grey van to get some work done (for our trip south but ya know.....who's bragging?? hee hee).  Mel and Will are working on voice projection and standing and singing in front of other people with the two youngers.

choose joy.

What would life have been like today, if Jack had been here...if he hadn't tied a nice li'l perfect knot into his cord, six inches from his button? He would've woken up, happy...plopped into his high chair, napped early afternoon....maybe with a runny nose or a rashy bum. What I'd give to have him here. I have been weepy today...just kinda mad but still....completely trusting that the Lord is in control and HE holds my future...because I live for Him. Everything I do is for Him.

choose joy.

Another thing I'm fighting and wondering about? When I meet someone for the first time, especially a mother, and she asks me how many kids I it dishonoring to not go into "morbid" details about how I have 5 kids in my care and one in the Lord's? or what? I just have not found an easy way to do this yet. If you have any thoughts on this, I'm open to hearing them. I mean, I wear a Jack Oliver 6.30.11 ring, a Jack footprint necklace, sometimes a JOY bracelet with a charm on it obvious?

so glad that He loves me in spite of me. at the end of the day, I will praise Him.

sweet little boy

I. can't. believe. you. left. us.


David and his mini-me. they were so similar.

Good night. Thanks for praying today. all the time. 
I am so thankful.

P.S. Wanna know what I'm listening to RIGHT NOW?? Mel and Will, Levi and Molly singing "Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path"....I imagine Jack hovering in the corner, loving their praises.

Praise the Lord. 


i'm kellie. said...

i really hope this posts tonight.. as i'm sad that they never seem to. i will never forget the night i found your Jack pics on fb... and how i looked at each one.. studying the faces, the room... wondering what was going on in everyone's hearts and minds.. not knowing how in the world i would ever be able to do it- and sitting in the garage for what seemed hours, just plain weeping for you- for your whole family. and i was never the same since that day. i love you L... and you sure have birthed a beautiful legacy for Jack. my prayer for you tonight is that you will pull your spirit way up above this 'lower story' of life, look down and wide, and see God working and weaving beautiful ways.. his upper story- and remember this life is but a blink.. and then there is Jack- still a gift to be unwrapped... beauty awaits my friend.. hold on just a bit longer. ((HUGS))

Laurie and company said...

Beautiful, Kellie....thank you for always being so encouraging and loving. These words you've spoken (typed from your amazingly tender heart) are so appreciated and needed tonight.
Love you much!

Myssi Mancilla said...

Ahh, we would have LOVED lil Jack. I would have touched his hair everytime I saw him.
I know him and lil G are best buds up there with Jesus.