I'm still here...

my friend, Wendy, is cool. Just plain cool.
She posted this on FB to brighten my day and it did.

love these mugs

and these mugs...

This was on Father's Day. 

We went up to Ft. Wayne to spend the weekend with David and for me to work so I could help pay off some of the credit card debt I've incurred. Thankfully, any product I'm getting is pretty much earned. rock on.
On another note? I'm thinking of becoming a Stampin' Up consultant.
If for nothing more than to help pay for my habits.
I love their stuff.

These pix were taken, rather quickly, for my scrap page for Father's Day, which still isn't done.
I'm thinking I won't get much scrappin' done this week.
The idea here is that I asked each kid what the first word is that pops into their head when I say Dad
or David.

Levi chose funny too so he had to get "creative" and come up with another one.
We truly need to work on our adjectives.

Mel, you are so right.

Forgive poor Ethan...he had a raging case of poison ivy on his face. he couldn't move his lips.

Will had worked all day, hence the deer in headlights expression.
I think they're all pretty darn cute and I'm so eternally blessed to have these five arrows in my quiver...along with the flying arrow that we are preparing to celebrate this coming weekend. ahhhhhh.

I've been needing to blog for a looooong time now.
I know.
But what I actually wanna do is just sit and cry. Maybe have a little (or not so little) pity party.

Like, "Why me, why us, Lord??" or "There are sooo soo many people that don't want their babies or don't "deserve" their babies or leave them in their cribs or for other people to raise, why did you have to take ours? he had a crib, a ready and willing mom, dad, sibling group...." Waaaaa.

i thought I was maybe done with this phase...but every now and then, it rears it's ugly, human head.

Then my reasonable side re-emerges and I can talk myself down off the ceiling and remember that, although it is freakin' sad that Jack was dead at birth, but not the entire day of his birth, dang it, God is using this part of our story to bring Him honor.

For the rest of my days, I will speak the name of the Lord and Jack to those around me. I will praise Him in this stormy time.

For a deeper analysis of my thoughts, fears and hopes, you will need to see my journals. If you know me, you know my thoughts and you know that I'm pretty transparent.

is that a bad thing? maybe to some...but I won't apologize for that. thank you for allowing me to be myself and to vent, cry, even maybe whine a little bit on here and in person.


Onward Ho....

I have soo many things I want to blog about but this is just not THAT week.
I want to blog about how I asked the Lord to be "real" to me, like He is to David. That was my prayer in my complacent days of my final pregnancy. How He arrived, I did not expect, or believe for a few weeks. But He showed up and I realized He'd been here all the time. (I shall break into a rousing rendition of "Footprints in the Sand" now.       or not)
The plans He has for me, for my family, I don't fully know but getting some glimpses into the bigger picture has been......

U    N    B    E    L    I    E    V    A    B    L    E


and maybe, possibly, a blog post or ten for another day. When I'm ready. I am completely open and ready for whatever is next...pain, or joy, sorrow or laughter...BRING IT!

For this week, I'm pretty much nose to the grindstone on getting Jack's Balloon Launch ready...
pray for me....I've already had a few crying jags, which I figured might happen but was still sorta surprised when it hit. And always, always when Untitled Hymn, Come to Jesus magically comes on the radio. which is daily. right Beck? ....when you can't contain your JOY inside.....with your final heartbeat, kiss the world good bye, go in peace and laugh on glory's side....my boy did that. It just never ceases to amaze me...he's not physically with us but he will always be with us...and besides that...one of my own is sitting at the feet of the Lord.

HOW
COOL 
IS 
THAT?


Ok, hoping to get a picture of Jack's garden onto my blog this week...I water that beloved space almost twice daily in these completely rainless days. (we need rain, desperately, Lord Jesus! PLEASE!)

But I shall close for tonight...hope you are all doing so well.