Monday, June 25, 2012

I'm still here...

my friend, Wendy, is cool. Just plain cool.
She posted this on FB to brighten my day and it did.

love these mugs
and these mugs...
This was on Father's Day. 
We went up to Ft. Wayne to spend the weekend with David and for me to work so I could help pay off some of the credit card debt I've incurred. Thankfully, any product I'm getting is pretty much earned. rock on.
On another note? I'm thinking of becoming a Stampin' Up consultant.
If for nothing more than to help pay for my habits.
I love their stuff.

These pix were taken, rather quickly, for my scrap page for Father's Day, which still isn't done.
I'm thinking I won't get much scrappin' done this week.
The idea here is that I asked each kid what the first word is that pops into their head when I say Dad
or David.

Levi chose funny too so he had to get "creative" and come up with another one.
We truly need to work on our adjectives.

Mel, you are so right.

Forgive poor Ethan...he had a raging case of poison ivy on his face. he couldn't move his lips.

Will had worked all day, hence the deer in headlights expression.
I think they're all pretty darn cute and I'm so eternally blessed to have these five arrows in my quiver...along with the flying arrow that we are preparing to celebrate this coming weekend. ahhhhhh.

I've been needing to blog for a looooong time now.
I know.
But what I actually wanna do is just sit and cry. Maybe have a little (or not so little) pity party.

Like, "Why me, why us, Lord??" or "There are sooo soo many people that don't want their babies or don't "deserve" their babies or leave them in their cribs or for other people to raise, why did you have to take ours? he had a crib, a ready and willing mom, dad, sibling group...." Waaaaa.

i thought I was maybe done with this phase...but every now and then, it rears it's ugly, human head.

Then my reasonable side re-emerges and I can talk myself down off the ceiling and remember that, although it is freakin' sad that Jack was dead at birth, but not the entire day of his birth, dang it, God is using this part of our story to bring Him honor.

For the rest of my days, I will speak the name of the Lord and Jack to those around me. I will praise Him in this stormy time.

For a deeper analysis of my thoughts, fears and hopes, you will need to see my journals. If you know me, you know my thoughts and you know that I'm pretty transparent.

is that a bad thing? maybe to some...but I won't apologize for that. thank you for allowing me to be myself and to vent, cry, even maybe whine a little bit on here and in person.


Onward Ho....

I have soo many things I want to blog about but this is just not THAT week.
I want to blog about how I asked the Lord to be "real" to me, like He is to David. That was my prayer in my complacent days of my final pregnancy. How He arrived, I did not expect, or believe for a few weeks. But He showed up and I realized He'd been here all the time. (I shall break into a rousing rendition of "Footprints in the Sand" now.       or not)
The plans He has for me, for my family, I don't fully know but getting some glimpses into the bigger picture has been......

U    N    B    E    L    I    E    V    A    B    L    E


and maybe, possibly, a blog post or ten for another day. When I'm ready. I am completely open and ready for whatever is next...pain, or joy, sorrow or laughter...BRING IT!

For this week, I'm pretty much nose to the grindstone on getting Jack's Balloon Launch ready...
pray for me....I've already had a few crying jags, which I figured might happen but was still sorta surprised when it hit. And always, always when Untitled Hymn, Come to Jesus magically comes on the radio. which is daily. right Beck? ....when you can't contain your JOY inside.....with your final heartbeat, kiss the world good bye, go in peace and laugh on glory's side....my boy did that. It just never ceases to amaze me...he's not physically with us but he will always be with us...and besides that...one of my own is sitting at the feet of the Lord.

HOW
COOL 
IS 
THAT?


Ok, hoping to get a picture of Jack's garden onto my blog this week...I water that beloved space almost twice daily in these completely rainless days. (we need rain, desperately, Lord Jesus! PLEASE!)

But I shall close for tonight...hope you are all doing so well.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

A Monday evening treat! I sure have missed you. I was going to ping you about blogging, but I know just how crazy things must be there right now. I honestly don't know how you do it, but I am glad that you are willing to share. I love your pix of your kids, and your crafty ideas. You are one person that I would just love to be able to visit with in person; especially, during this time in my life.

Oh, and I love that you are thinking about becoming a stampin' up consultant. I so want to know everything. Like how much the entrance cost is, what do you have to do, what is it like? I can't wait to find out these questions, if and when you do become one. Just promise that you won't become Stampin' Uppity! hahaha...okay, not so funny.

Love you much, and I certainly wish that I could be there in person.

Happy Balloon Launching week,
Tory

(wv: 6 teepurse...in other words, don't forget your 6 teepurse out there on the green or the fairway!)

Jamie said...

OH, Laurie, Laurie, Laurie. All it took was seeing the link on fb saying "Go in peace and laugh on Glory's side" to set me off into a crying jag. I have been wildly weepy this month. I seriously sobbed through the Olympic trials this weekend. What's up with that??!!

Having been through Sully's 1st Birthday and D-Day, I know SOME of what you're feeling this month and especially this week. My heart aches, my stomach hurts just thinking of your "on this day last year" memories. The countdown can be paralyzing at times. Know that I am praying anytime God brings you to mind, which is Alot!

I hope this makes sense because I seem to have jumped into the crazy, chaotic, random thought phase yet again. The phases just keep going round and round in no particular order. I'm wondering if we ever get to the just plain acceptance stage without the other stuff.

Anonymous said...

Laurie, my hearts still hurts with you when you are hurting. Sometimes it stinks to be so far away and unable to physically be there for those you love and want to bless/help..... I have been checking your blog almost incessantly an I'm so glad to see that you posted. I have been thinking of you almost non stop the last couple of weeks....... I know you are SUPER busy, but would you be able to email the details of the ballon launch please, like mainly the time..... I'm praying for you SO much my friend ! I love you!
Shellee
PS I LOVE Stamping' Up! Hope it works out for you!

Annette said...

So much my heart wants to say here, but words just don't seem adequate... Know how much you ate loved, how much sweet Jacks life has touched others and that you are prayed for unceasingly! ❤