Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The Shadow where I Hide

Soccer watchers....this pic makes me laugh.
If you know our Danish friend, Michael Baun, at all...you will crack up at this.
Ethan has been working with him (and losing lotsa weight too, look at that skinny guy) and they dress exactly the same. Black overalls, hat, white scarfy things....I love seeing it. So thankful for our chimney sweeping expert of a friend
and the experience Ethan is gaining through him.

This guy is such a good sport. We stick roses in his glasses and say "SMILE" and he does.
But I figure it's only fair because we are subjected to his "dad" jokes on a regular basis.
Love him.

another funny moment.
He forgot his sunglasses so he grabbed whatever was in my van.
(Mel has been using my van)
hard to take him seriously when he does this.

Mel isn't sure what to think
Or maybe she's jealous because he looks SO good in her glasses.

Overhead, some Relient K is playing while David exercises ... "Look On Up"...not sure how he's running to this but he is....funny guy.

Such a good song...

I look on up
to the sky
I wonder why I put a filter between beauty
and my eyes
I look on up into your eyes
It's time I put down my devices and I start to
live my life
I look on up, I look on up to the sky...

Aren't the clouds awesome in the spring and summertime?
Have I just never really paid attention to them, until the foundation-rocking
death of my son? Is that what it takes to LOOK ON UP?

The process of pain and trust and hurt and growth that has taken place (and continues to) is so iffy and weird...

The only conclusion I have, to this day, is this...

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. Hebrews 13:8

He's not some pill I take or something that I only cling to when I'm struggling.

He's every day. I'm a diabetic and He's my insulin.

I grew up in the church and didn't even "know" this until Jack died. He's not some fun, occasional "opportunity".

HE IS THE NEED. He's not my ticket, He's the boat...I've got to get on the boat.

When I face people around me, those that I love to my guts, choosing the other path...

I have a tendency to be uppity, proud and sarcastic, gossipy, and I'm being re-worked. this does not mean I don't and won't still face these tendencies because I do.

It's honestly a harder process than when Jack died...that started it all...kind of a wake up call.

The days that have followed since that day almost 6 years ago have been, sincerely, some of the very hardest. The situations I'm facing right now are harder than when Jack died.

Never to down play the fierce pain associated with his death and the dark days after...because those were horrific and still rear up on occasion. But there was a peace beyond all understanding, knowing I'd see him again and all that. yeah, I still wanted him here but I've come to grips with the fact that that wasn't a part of my story...

But being filleted .... ahhhhhhh.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; a renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

Restore unto me, the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Psalm 51: 10-12

So forgive me for becoming so chatty...as we approach Jack's 6th birthday, and the very close birth of our precious Oliver in early June, I will be on here more, I'm sure.

I'm avoiding social media...it's honestly an almost 99% waste of time. I've enjoyed looking on up and not down at all the pain and rejection around me, the "in your face" of all that...(I do miss and so appreciate the encouragement I get from FB and Instagram but I'm thinking FB will not end up back on my phone...only Instagram because it's less invasive).

Feel free to leave me a comment, as my 2 faithful regulars (love you, Tory and Shellee) do and I so appreciate it, ladies!!

Standing on the Solid Ground!


Shellee Wilhite said...

Praying for you my dear friend. So glad to see your updates and can't wait to see the treehouse!

Tory said...

I love the idea of the treehouse. Go Levi! I so love keeping up with people on Facebook, but I find that it is addictive and so very unhealthy. It seems that a preponderance are just trying to boast or pick on others in a passive aggressive manner. You are definitely so much stronger than I am. And, it seems that we are on similar paths to really getting to know the Lord, and strengthen our walk with Him. Praying for you, and wishing you a very wonderful day. Love you cousin, Tory

Tory said...

Just checked today, and thankfully, nothing had gotten by me. But, then again, nothing had been posted. I am sure that you are thinking about other things right now. Just know that I am looking again. :)

Hugs and much love,