Thursday, June 20, 2013

the little boy that follows me..

in reference to the above title...I found a story on one of the babyloss sites I visit...written by a mom of a little boy who left...and it's sad, precious and somewhat hopeless. If left to my own devices, I would wallow more...and somedays I do...but I am anchored in HOPE.

This picture was taken on June 30, 2007...roughly nine days before Molly's arrival. oh the things we take for, living babies. I am so blessed to be the mother of six of the most amazing kids in the world. Each one so unique and chock full of memories. (YO, Big lady!!)
this was taken right before my due date two years ago...that little boy had a knot in his cord. it caused him to die. I still just can't believe it. almost 730 days later, I still just can't wrap my head around this part of my story.
We are so many days out, and most of the time, it seems like someone else's life.
If I really engage my head, I go to that place where once I'm in, I can't step back out the door.
I have to relive those sacred moments.
The sheer and utter pain that that beautiful, valiant boy, never ever took a breath outside of my womb.
and just how perfect, precious and adorable he was.
I'm a puddle on the floor when I go there....
Most of the time, I can squint and only remember tidbits.

I drive by the fire department that took him EVERY DAY.
I see an ambulance and I freeze. cry. pray.
always remember.
wonder what the EMT's were thinking. he watched them work on his clone.
I'm sure he was floating on the sacred bubble.

how I couldn't wait to kiss his rib-violating feet and smell his hair and baby breath.


I can't believe it.
So these are the days that I start to really recall those days, leading up to thee day.
10 days till we launch balloons heavenward.

And all I can really do at this point is just thank the Lord for this road...and pray that because of Jack, we can encourage, lead, point others to Jesus Christ.

Help me, Jesus Christ...You're our only hope. Praying that the days to come are chock full o' hope.


Anonymous said...

Oh my sweet friend!! I am and will be praying much for you and your precious family! I don't know why the Lord chose you to walk this road, but you have done so with dignity, grace and an unswerving choice to cling to The Lord as your hope in the midst of terrible pain and hurt. JOY's sweet little life blessed and continues to bless many people and you bless us as you share what The Lord is doing in your life. I love you my friend!
Hugs & prayers,

Anonymous said...

Praying continually,


Jamie Reese said...

The countdowns are so hard! Praying for you. Always. I can't wait to meet your sweet boy