Thursday, December 8, 2011

last Christmas

David and I, Christmas evening 2010, after sledding. I was pregnant. surely Jack was too small to have put a knot in his cord with all of that sledding, right?

I checked with my the ok. obviously, I couldn't lay on my tummy much but she said baby was well insulated. (and I know he was...)

All that to say, today is the 23rd Thursday since Jack left us. I miss you, sweet boy. How cherubic you'd be this Christmas. I have such a hard time with "Baby's First Christmas" stuff and it seems to jump out at me. Jack, I will always keep a remembrance of you, in every room, in every way. You are a part of my life, a part of our lives. You will never ever be forgotten.

most of the time, I can keep myself busy enough but tears, sadness and "what if's" hit when you least expect it.

like walking into a church service. singing "Oh Come, Let us adore him"...Jack wasn't Jesus but he WAS a baby boy like Jesus was. with a mother that loved him and loves him still. tears were just flowing...I wasn't even sobbing, just had tears rollin' down my face...

or when a sweet girl sings Sara Groves' song titled "He's Always Been Faithful"...and you know the hurt she has endured in her young life (her) and now the hurt you've endured in your not so young life (me)...and knowing that God uses these situations, oftentimes hard and shape and mold us to bring Him glory.  ouch.

I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head today but this is the day that the real holiday rushing seems to kick many events and things calling to us in the next two and a half weeks...trying to breathe, choose JOY, get my cards done, get a letter out to my lovely, caring cousin in NC, calendars made, gifts bought, kids run here and there (one consolation is that Will did PASS his driving test yesterday so he's all set to get his license and that fact, right there, brings this mother a lot of relief...and some anxiety)

So whatever you find yourself doing today, know that whatever you do, do with all diligence and joy, knowing that it brings a smile to the Lord's face. that, right there, is what keeps me going right now...God is teaching me a lot but one of the resounding things is DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY! SMILE! LAUGH!! CHOOSE JOY! it's the only way to go...

Happy sun-shineyThursday..


Tashena said...

I feel like I've been waiting weeks to see another post! Yeah, it's only been a few days, but, hey, when you check it a few times a day, time drags!!!

Praying for you!

Yay for Will!!!

Can't wait to chat!!!


Anonymous said...

I'm with Tashena on this's been weeks! Love you cousin, and I am so glad for Will. You go on those cards...I am working on getting handmade gifts and the like out the door. Oh, and grades! Bahahaha...I am the Grinch and Santa's helper all rolled up into one.

Many prayers sent your way on this beautiful Thursday.

Hugs, Tory

Brittany said...

I'm so thankful for your honesty. I really really am. It gives me exact things to pray for for you. I've awakened before my alarm clock twice this week. You are immediately on my mind then and I pray for you in the quiet of my morning, before even getting out of bed. God is using you in this JOY-filled time. He really is. Through the pain and grit of it. Love you, Friend.

Anonymous said...

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.
The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
But earthly music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring
For it's beyond description
To hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,
Trust God and have no fear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.
I can't tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas
With our Savior, face to face?
May God uplift your spirit
As I tell Him of your love
Then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.
So let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirits sing
For I'm spending Christmas in Heaven
And I'm walking with the king!

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Anonymous said...

I saw that poem (from previous post) on a caringbridge site for another boy Jack (9yrs old) who recently passed after a fourwheeler accident. I thought of your Jack also when I read it and thought I would share.

Carrie Jewett said...

SO good my friend! So real, so honest, SOOO good! Thank you for your openess and your heart. Tears flowed here too:( You are so right about choosing JOY, not taking myself so seriously, etc. I will hold tight to these words. I LOVE YOU!!!!!