Wednesday, March 8, 2017

when it feels like surgery...

I swear that I won't let you go....I'll always be by your side...yeah...

These pictures are from our September 2015 camping trip...just some little blasts from the past.

Feeling super grateful for my lil group of people immediate group and then the people that have joined us in the past few years. Some have come, most have gone and that's ok.

My family and I are facing some pretty harrowing situations. No, no one has been kidnapped, murdered, or ejected from their home but these situations are daunting all the same. Broken relationships are the hardest and worst things, I believe, to face. Especially when they are with family members. close family members. like, mother and father family members...sibling family members.


When you realize that the loved ones aren't on the same path as you...the path leading toward JESUS CHRIST like you thought they were....and they walk away....etc etc etc

Aside from that, when, because of those situations, directly or indirectly, other relationships of the non-family but still supposedly "family of Christ" take a serious hit....and you find yourself dealing with serious beasts....

And if that wasn't horrific enough....then family members on the other side begin to lash out at you...

I am not coming here for sympathy or anything of that sort...simply to record a time in my life of deep hurt. This hurt is deeper than when Jack died. Why? Because, yes, that was a defining moment in my life (and the life of each member of the fam) and one that hurt to our very cores, still does on occasion...but I know where our boy is and how the Lord has worked it for our good...but this? What am I supposed to do with this?

That's when I listen to reminders like this, from Switchfoot, posted at the bottom of this post..this song is about trusting God, letting go of doubt. The song is called "I Won't Let You Go"....

When it feels like surgery
And it burns like third degree
And you wonder what is it worth?
When your insides breaking in
And you feel that ache again
And you wonder
What's giving birth?

If you could let the pain of the past go
of your soul
None of this is in your control

If you could only let your guard down
If you could learn to trust Me somehow
I swear that I won't let you go
If you could only let go doubts
If you could just believe in Me now
I swear that I won't let you go
I won't let you go....

When your fear is currency
And you feel that urgency
You want peace
But there's war in your head
Maybe that's where life is born
When our facades are torn
Pain gives birth to the promise ahead

I'll always be by your side

I won't let you go....

There ain't no darkness strong enough
That could tear you out from my heart
There ain't no strength strong enough
that could tear this love apart...

No, I won't let you go...

And can I say this? (Yes, I guess I can since this is my blog) light of all of these family and I (David, Will, Joylily, our future grand babe, Ethan, Mel, Levi, Molly, even Sarah, our adopted daughter of sorts) are thriving...dealing with our own issues, leaning on the Lord, growing in so many areas and ways...and keeping our eyes firmly fixed on Him. it's true...the things of this earth, this life, do fade away in the light of His glory and His grace. It's hard to explain but even though these are hard and challenging days, the kinda days where you just don't wanna get out of bed, once we DO get out of bed, we are all doing really well. Hope is kindled because of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ.

Will and Joy continue to grow an adorable baby (I'm sure of it. As my grandma used to say, "I'm the grandma and I said so!") and she's had a couple visits with MH, our wonderful midwife for Jack, who we all adore. Will is also recording a lot of his songs, with Joy's djembe help and engineering expertise. They really are a precious couple. Thankful for their love and commitment to our gang. Prayers for comfort for Joylily would be appreciated, as she's a small gal and her baby is getting big. (I felt him move the other day too....ahhhhhh!)
Ethan is a student of the Word of God like not many people I've ever met (his dad and older bro). His exuberance for the history and truth of God's Word is kinda spectacular. He's loving working for YFF and for our Chimney friend, Michael Baun. Thankful for the way he helps me to shape and mold the younger sibs, as I've often worried that, because I'm not as young as I used to be, they won't end up as amazing as their older three sibs. He's helping me see that they will end up above par!
Melanie is continuing to read up on her doula work, recording with Young Band, working with Charlene's Angels, YFF and helping me to maintain our household. She's pretty incredible. She has a wisdom that goes beyond her 18+  years. Thankful that she freely speaks truth into my life, every day.
Levi has some tests on his cardiovascular system tomorrow. His BP is different in each arm, just at a point where it needs to be he will have ultrasounds and blood pressure readings. He is really such a tough guy. Tender but tough. He's thriving in so many ways but still our young teenaged challenge. He's reading better, still struggling with math, wants to know what car we will be driving on this day, and if it's going to storm. Love that big dude. He has mended well from his spinal surgery.
Molly is ...... well, Molly. She reminds me a lot of me but also not. She's scared of a lot of the same things that I was as a young girl. She keeps reminding me that when she turns 10 this summer, a lot will change for her...not sure what, besides being a double digit gal, but I'm enjoying the changes already. She is very helpful with a little guy named Elijah that comes to our Vertical's neat to see her interact with him (he's 3) and it makes me thoughtful of how she'd have been with Jack and also what a good AUNT MO she will be. She signs all of her papers, notes, whatever, Aunt Mo. Love her zesty spirit. She loves unicorns, mermaids and fairy gardens. She is also excited that we are looking for a dog for our fam...preferably a Goldendoodle.

David is doing really well, in spite of set backs here and there...thank you for your prayers for him. He turned 46 on the 6th. He seriously amazes me. drives me crazy too...but man, God was seriously taking such excellent care of me when He gave him to me over 23 years ago.

Good day to you...thanks to my faithful blog friends, Shellee, Tory...for always sending such encouraging comments. I'm so thankful for you friends!

1 comment:

Shellee Wilhite said...

Dear, sweet friend, I am so sad that you are having to walk a hard path with relationships right now. I will be praying for grace and strength for you as someone who's walked a similar path with relationships. I will pray that our Lord will pull you close and give much comfort to you as you climb into His lap and He holds you close as the Abba, father that He is. Love you and I am blessed and encouraged to see your lovely family continuing to grow and blossom. Thank you for the updates!
Hugs and prayers for you from still snowy Japan.