Thursday, January 29, 2015

A letter to my daughters (A charge to young ladies everywhere, really)






Melanie and Molly,

First let me tell you how honored I am to be your mother. I can still remember, vividly, the Sunday  morning that Melanie finally emerged into this world...I was ON CLOUD 9. I sat and looked at her that whole day and then I did what every good momma should do and I took her to Target. (remember when the lady asked me how old she was, and I asked her what time it was???) That's a good momma. :) I say this with my tongue in my cheek, of course.

Being a mom is, I believe, the highest calling. Without mommas, where would we be? I am asking that question seriously...I know not every woman wants to be a momma or is able to be a momma...please know that I feel your pain as well and I do not judge you for your decisions or medical condition etc. 

As your mom, I'm watching you. Does that sound freaky and stalkery? I hope not.... 

Let me be clear...I am watching you, caring for you, so ready to learn with you, disagree with you and then apologize sheepishly. I love you both so much. I hope you know that.....

I also feel for you...being a girl is not easy work. Other girls, ahhhhh. They can complicate things so.

And they will...so I want to help you to be rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ. HE is honestly the Only ONE that will not let you down, and will always be there with you and for you. You already know this on so many levels. Thank you for being such a good example of finding your worth in Him.

Mel, I'm so thankful for your level head...you are so much more matter of fact and embarrassingly more grown up than me on different occasions. Thank you. Your sociability, grace, ability to read people (you get this from me, dear), love for music and tenderness amazes me. 

So far, your dad and I have not encouraged you to "like" any boys...you've done that all on your own. I'm glad you like boys...it's a beautiful thing to have a "crush". When the time is right, you will begin a relationship with someone that we've gotten to know alongside you and those are exciting times. It's also so funny to me that the guys you "like" are similar to the kinds of guys I'd like as a young girl. haha. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...sorry, kid. :) 

Thank you for being open with me about this subject...thank you for trusting me enough to tell me these things and to hear me out when I have some admonitions about someone. 

Let me encourage you to become friends with guys. You have. The guy you marry will be your friend, first and FOREMOST. If you can't do this, then seriously, just stay unmarried. :/ Be friends with guys. 

The girls that come around that don't stick around when something doesn't work out with a guy make me so sad. I know it makes you sad too because here you are, sweet, vulnerable but far from silly, Mel...thinking you have a friend...and all they wanted was a way in to one of your brothers. Lousy feeling.  When you find this out, it hurts...sorry, honey. :(

Don't spread yourself too thin...your dad has really encouraged me over the years to take stock of my priorities and I will do the same for you....you can't do everything, though I know you want to...The things you are involved in (e.g. youth worship, church worship, cell groups, youth group, hang time with brothers and friends) are good. You are sociable, like I used to be....though you have many more opportunities than I did...kids today seem to. You are learning to balance all of the good opportunities well. 

In your life, you will be able to count your closest friends on one hand...being best friends with everyone under the sun is just a set up for failure, burn out and no peace. You can't be best friends with every single person you come in contact with...though you will want to and think you can. It is just not possible and if you try, people will think you're a ninny. Go for quality, girl.....

it's not possible or healthy. spreading yourself too thin...quantity over quality. how many friends do you have on Facebook or Instagram, Twitter...I mean, really, it's just a number. Most people are not ok with a person that has 1,265 best friends. It's hard to trust them or feel important to them....don't be that and try to spend little time with people like this.

I want you to have good, deep friendship with one or two, maybe even possibly three (at the most) people, preferably girls right now...though I know Will and E are tight with you.... 

Even then, there is only One friend that sticks closer than a brother..but you know this. Friends could leave, as you've seen with me...and they do. Sometimes for no good reason, or given reason....It's in those times that you will learn to really, truly cling to the One Who created friendship/companionship.

When you spread yourself too thin, you start to hurt others' feelings, those friends that thought they were your "real friend" will get their feelings hurt, even if you don't mean it...you will say things that make no sense, even though you had no clue you said it....

Thank you for being modest, also....I'm so glad we don't have to fight you on your appearance. Yeah, I know, appearance isn't everything...but it kinda is...the fact that you don't dress to show off curves and such is a beautiful thing. You care about how others perceive you and what they see (and we all know how visual men are)...

Purity is so much more than dress, being appropriate with a boyfriend and so on...you will face purity of heart for your entire life. Keep that chin up and never take yourself too seriously...being able to laugh at yourself, get out of bed and choose joy is PURITY of heart at it's finest.

There is so much more I want to say on this...but I think the conversation is open, for anyone. Anytime. 

Being open...being transparent. That's where we are at...you've had to watch me go through some pretty weird, pretty hard situations...I don't think I could've survived them without the love of Jesus and the love of my amazing family. It's hard...never doubt this...real life is nothing, whatsoever, like the movies or the books....it's hard, you must commit yourself to it in ways that you'd never think possible...

I cannot wait to see where the Lord takes you, with your music with Will, with your adventurous spirit, with your insane ability to bring so much joy to those around you....and I'm so honored to be your mom. 

Now, please pass this on to Molly, in case I'm too old in 6 - 10 years...I may need you to remind me to have this convo with her...but I know she is one blessed little chick to have you as a big sis and we are all super blessed to have her unsinkable, adorable personality in our family. 

More on this another time...

Thankful for your contagious smile and Christ-like JOY,
Love Yo Momma

thank you for your patience as I got this all off of my chest. 

3 comments:

Tesha Papik said...

Both your girls are so blessed to have such a wonderful mommy! Beautiful post!

Tesha Papik said...

Both your girls are so blessed to have such a wonderful mommy! Beautiful post!

Duane and Shellee said...

What a beautiful letter, dear friend! Melanie and Molly are so blessed to have you for their Mama! I can't wait to meet your awesome girls in person! Hugs my friend!
Shellee
PS If it is ok with you I'm gonna save your letter to share with my own girlies in several years