I'm just not feeling it this year...as with many Christmases past...I battle depression, though it really is my favorite time of year...heck, my birthday is the week before...how can you not love Christmas??
Purposing to breathe, to be still and to cling to my Heavenly Father...the very One that my Parents before me taught me to believe in, to run to in times of trouble and in times of joy....
We do this....it has not been without its struggles and highs and lows but as a family, WE CLING TO JESUS.
We've been moving toward Him for a while now, purposefully, so that is why this is hard to blog about...We haven't changed, the others have. To see your family members walk away from the Lord is hard to take. The ones that you thought were seeking him...or acted like they were....
As I type, we've finished a busy Wednesday with weigh ins, piano, grocery shopping and overhead, Mel plays her piano, worships her Lord with a shaky and cracking voice. As much as family strife hurts our hearts, and oh it does, we find our solace in the Lord. When we don't know what to do, we praise Him. I am so thankful for the testimony of my daughter, my sons, my husband, to worship in times of immense pain and confusion.This is one of those times.
As I left for choir practice on Sunday afternoon, our friend, Brendan, who is currently living with us, had just gotten off the phone with his parent. He was weeping and broken over the convo. Will got out his guitar and they sang some worship songs together. That is what I saw as I went to practice. What a sight for a mom to behold! Little did I know that he'd do the same thing for me 12+ hours later, calling me with Scriptures to read and words of encouragement...Ethan, my tender hearted guy, has wept right alongside me.
It makes no difference to you, blog reader, what has transpired in my family...it has been a long time in coming. To be "uninvited" someplace without so much as a phone call for a discussion with me about a situation is more than I can comprehend...It makes no sense. How do I tell Levi and Molly? All they know is that they are heart broken and confused. sad beyond words and aching.
I will continue to find my joy in the Lord. I will put on a smile, sing the songs, attend the services, celebrate my 44th birthday, curl my short hair, attempt to send out cards and gather a few gifts for my kids and maybe a little extra one for my future grandchild....this strength is not my own.
I'm going to leave you with a few of the kids' wedding pics that they got from Nat a few weeks ago...they are so precious....forgive me for my heavy heart. This is one of the hardest things I've encountered...right up there with losing Jack Oliver.
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| three wise men...so handsome! |
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| best friends, bro |
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| beautiful bride |
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| Sarah |
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| superheroes have arrived |
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| Mandy and Mel |
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| a moment I've imagined for 22 years. once it arrived, I found myself unable to lift my head. surreal. beautiful. my boy. |
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| Mother of the Bride |
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| Handsome Ring guy |
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| Flower Imp |
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| Uncle John and the vows |
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| first legit kiss! |
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| seriously so amazed at this guy. aside from his magical tresses, he has a love for the Lord, mercy and truth that I haven't seen a lot. |
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| Mack Attack |
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| Baby Claire |
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| Piper, the guest book queen |
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| handsome nephew Jay, 5 |
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| Dashing nephew Ryan, 6 |
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ended the night with worship, led by Mel and Michael Johnson.
awesome. |
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had to have Jack representin'...he was there, with his bow tie on. Natalie's attention to detail, the details of my heart, blow me away. Thanks Nat.
All photos: NRS Photography
You should hire her...she does magical work. |
