round one

umm, who are those big kids flanking us? 

This was our first attempt at taking our annual Christmas card picture...we took it on Thanksgiving last Thursday, which also happened to be 1.)  the 21st Thursday since Jack departed and 2.)  the day that our van was viciously broken into (scumbucket). Tom, you did a nice job...your subjects, well, they were NOT very cooperative.

We tried not to look too fearful but I think a new brand of fear was creeping into my soul this day.

In other news, today is the 22nd Thursday since Sweetie boy died. I can't believe it. I miss him and see pix of other people's babies at the same age and try to close my eyes, imagine what that doll boy would be like...just can't fathom this.

That is a story for another day...I have a few different blog posts that I want to get on here before I forget them forever...let me post them here so that I can remind myself, or so that one of you can remind me, say, in a comment? Tashena? Tory? anyone?

1.)  The amazing JOY/Jack/butterfly gifts that I've received in just the past 3 days.
2.)  Jack's garden
3.)  Hopefully Round #2 of Christmascardpalooza of 2011. I have to say, I just LOVE Levi's face in most of those pics up there...but the last one is my fave. I might have been pinching him. We discovered that we needed to have lighter clothing on for the JOY letters to show up or implement them another way. So we are formulating. Our cards may not get out till closer to Christmas but we are working on them.

Since our van lock was popped, the driver side door will not open now. soooo, I didn't realize how much and effortlessly I hop in and out of our van till this. It's just one more of those things that I'm trying to smile about. Choose JOY ya know?

go check out Ann Voskamp's website at aholyexperience.com . I am loving her book "One Thousand Gifts", even though I read thru it earlier this year. I have a different perspective now (imagine that! gasp!) and discovered her site...which is cool. Check out her Jesse Tree download...that is something we've added to our nightly Advent reading/prayer.

Ok, gotta run...kids need to get to karate but I'll be back.

JOY comes in the morning

front and back of Jack's bookmark. Let me know if you would like one...

I'm mush...

That part of grief where "they" say the griever is scatterbrained is where I am at. (among other emotions that flare up at the strangest times...)

I've replaced sleepless nights, up with a baby, with pure ditziness. If you know me, you know I can have ditzy moments but this is at a new level.

So, happy Monday...I hope to be blogging again soon.

Celebration of JOY

sweet Jack the Bear's feet...too precious to touch the earth (in the words of Shani W) love it. miss 'em. bad.

Jason B. led us in some worship...beautiful.

so many people to thank...it will be my part time job for the next few months...or even a year.

some of the 182 people that joined us, in person, for Jack's Celebration last Saturday. Many more people expressed desire to be with us but with busy summers or long miles, they couldn't be with us physically but the prayers were felt...all the way from Japan, the Philippines, California, New York City etc. Thank you, guys. amazing....

I am

so

behind.

So many things I could type here...and I'm just at a total loss. I need to turn my head off.

But it's nighttime. Nighttime is the worst right now (Hello Melatonin!!) David and I aren't sleeping well and I usually end up sobbing myself to sleep. I'm at the denial/searching phase of grief. Numbness and shock have worn off. mostly. no, not really...

I know where Jack is. I rest in that. I have a hope that I will see him again. I thank the Lord that He has my/our son/brother/nephew/grandson/cutie pie safely with Him in Glory.

But I want him here. and that is part of grieving. You (I'm talking to no one in particular) need to let me want him to be here. and I need to be able to cry, vent, talk, weep, say things like "the last time I was here at ______, I was pregnant, or I had Jack in my tummy...." whatever.

I'm just in a weird place. somewhere I've never been before and these waters are choppy and so unpredictable. Thank you for letting me grieve. Thank you for letting me talk about my sweet wild haired 7 and a half pound boy. Thank you for letting me put pix of him up on here. Thank you for hugging me and helping me out. Thank you for ministering to my family.

I miss him so very much. It hurts deeper than I ever, ever imagined it would.

"Be still and know that He is God. Be still and know He is our Father. Come rest your head upon His breast, listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love, beating for His little ones, calling each of us to come....Be still, be still"

reminiscing...

trying to stay positive here...I had embraced cold again...with the fact that at least it wasn't snowing....

it flurried today. I laughed. we are supposed to get 1-2" this weekend. hee hee.

spring? have you forsaken us?

Rest stop fun...etc

wild women.

we have the same mouths. physically and....E., you are my biggest cheerleader and you are so cool!

My lovely, loving, tender, caring, gentle, calm daughter! You DO rock Mel!

I love these pix of my kids with me! and um, when did Willy Vanilli get so flippin' tall? I mean, really? don't mess with my boy! any of 'em! Will, you are one handsome dude! show us those teeth (that have cost us a fortune)....c'mon, show us!

running away from Will

Last week (yeah, I know I'm way behind), David wanted to get us all out of our surroundings, a little change of scenery from the chaos of our biz from home new life....ahhhh.....so we made a trek to Columbus, IN, to stay in the Holidome (we visited here in April of 07 so it felt like home sweet home). The place was only about 45 minutes from his company's job at an INDOT rest stop in southern IN....so we would be able to check it out and call it a business trip. This picture above is the hot tub...which is under the deck floor thingy...which is really just a neat thing...If you can get a trip away, you should visit this place...(dork)

It's just a neat place....there are little eating areas surrounding the pool, putt putt, shops, game room, restaurant....these are my loving kids, waiting patiently for their dad to pick us up and take us back to our crazy lives...we look sad, don't we? awwww.

This is the INDOT rest stop job....that's Nathan in the background.

Ta Da! Molly was pretty impressed with herself that she could climb up on this bench. Levi isn't so much...David had to go over some work details with the crew so the kids and I took advantage of the lovely rest stop scenery and snapped away. I think the passersby thought we were nutty.

The following bug pix are on here because it was such a cute little event...she was very concerned about this little caterpillar..and spent a lot of time checking him out...

Tom, working his tail off at the H-ville rest stop...You're doing a good job, Tom!

ragamuffins...

decided to read some ads whilst waiting for her daddy to finish up...

Ethan definitely looks like he's up to no good.

oh to be able to squat like this again....

take my picture, Mommy. Levi wouldn't take a picture with me...he had lost all interest by that time...maybe next time, huh? Love you smarty pants!

who do you think you are, little Miss?

I see you....twice. stop that whining, kid!

another angle....

"you're my best friend, that's it...You're my buddy."

______________________________

~I do love my blog. I've missed you, faithful blog!

~but for some odd reason, I've lost a bit of interest because the text looks different from the way I type it out...and that aggravates me. Something must've changed along the way and I'm purt near computer illiterate...

~And besides that, things are amazingly crazy around here. You know how you fast forward a DVD and you can hit the button once and it goes kinda fast, hit it twice and it speeds up a bit more and then three times, super fast? I'm on that speed. So much to do, in just the every day stuff...and now that David has this company started and other things, it's just sheer crazy busy madness...I didn't think our lives could get much crazier. or could they? I don't dare ask.

~I'll just say this, for all those inquiring minds...there are big things on this horizon. Big. that's all I can say about that. wish I could say more. can't.

~In the meantime, hope you enjoy the pix.

~And in other news, the kids are all doing very well...growing up way too quickly for my taste. Soccer is JUST about over (cleared throat AMEN), summer is on the cusp, though it's been a rather rainy, chilly spring...of which I am most grateful. Getting my tomato plants in, rose bushes, apple tree (thanks Dad), lavender, salvia, sunflowers, zinnias....oh the list grows...and I loooooooove to mow the lawn. Can I just say that? I mean, really, it's just me and that mower, chopping, working, no ones bellowing at me, I can see the results instantly, plus it's a nice little work out...it doesn't get much better for me! I'm a simple gal. Getting ready to make a big book order for the kids next school years....and praising God that He has brought some very important things to my attention, of which, I won't expound on tonight...but I will sit here, amazed, at His goodness.

~Molly. oh Molly. She found a permanent black marker last night, while I was out mowing (she was being "watched" by Mel since the boys had a friend over)...and her shins are all tatooed...coming to find out that she was trying to cover up her scraped up little legs...I think she's a clod. o well. her shins are chewed up already. She is a strong willed soul, and it's been quite fun trying to "train" that outta her zesty little persona. sheesh and yikes!

~David said it best today (and I've been saying this for a while now but it just confirmed it for me to hear him...) "God made these little people cute for a reason. You'd wanna kill 'em otherwise"....she's a livewire. She's stubborn as a mule. She crax all of us up so very much!

~That's what is happening over here. mostly. How are you?

~I'm outta here...be back later!

It's me...the old gal.

these pix are from Wed...Beck, Mel and I went shopping...and in the midst of that, picked up Miss P from school and took her to her Nana's...she would NOT let me take her pic but she didn't think I actually was taking pix here! ha ha..got ya, P.

My birthday card from dear cousins Tory, Linda and David...that had a Starbucky's card in it. Thanks so much, family! Love you! I have had a lot of fun with it!

David got me a dozen roses and this is a handmade card from all of the kids! Will drew some neat-o pix. Thanks guys! I love you...

How fun to have my blog hijacked by my awesome sis! Thanks B...I KNEW you'd be an awesome blogger. let's get started! and while we're at it, we'll get ya a Facebook account too! yah!!

I ran some errands today with Lev-me-alone. Beck called me to tell me to check out Heather's blog...I thought maybe she had her baby boy a bit early...but in actuality, she blogged ME. Gee, Heather, that was awfully nice of you! Thank you for thinking of me on my b-day...you made turning 36 seem a little less painful! Love ya girl! Same to you B...you are my Steel Magnolias. Tambo, you too! Just got back from coffee with her...just worked out to do this tonight...and always glad to share a cup o' joe with one of my girls. I am so blessed!

I won't say much more here...because I'm, well, I'm old, and this frenzied Christmas pace is catching up with me.

I just feel so thankful tonight and thanks to you, you know who you all are, for dropping me a birthday greeting...here or on Facebook. I'm wowed! (yes, I know FB reminds you when one of your friends is celebrating a b-day but still...wow!)...I'll say more tomorrow.

I know you can't wait.

G'night. shucks.

O yeah, I took this pic for posterity (alllll in the name of posterity, folks)...so I'd remember my face at THIRTY-SIX (am I reallly that old?)...and this is what it looks like on me. at the exact time of my birth, 36 years to the day...8:40 pm. ugh. definitely a mixture of my parents...doesn't my eye (the hidden one) look creepy? ok, well nuff...night.

Holly Jolly Saturday

Saturday saw me at home, all day, with Levi and Molly...trying to make sense of the holiday explosion that had erupted at our house...I didn't think I could do it, but with some coffee, Christmas music, and cooperation (I like to call them the 3 C's), I got the tree up, most of the deco here or there, and the house nicely ordered before David and the 3 big ones arrived on the stoop at 5 pm. Whew! 'Twas so nice to have them home...until E. threw up...but it was nice to have them all snug and back in the cubby...I slept better last night!

this was where I thought we would put the tree but it really hindered the elliptical use...now that we have 2 couches in the living room, we couldn't put the tree where we usually do. bummer.

Love the action shots of levi and molly here....

aforementioned explosion. what to do...


how magical...that little blob on the floor by the skirt? a tiny tree...that Levi put there and told us that it was the tree's baby. I didn't realize it was still there when I took this pic. We really like the tree in this spot!!

we've put this ornament on our tree for the 16th time...our first Christmas together...

these two mugs, taking naps while I did the tree stuff...how cute is this pic though?

David and I went out for some coffee last night...and Levi got to go with us...you can see him peeking thru...wait, there's one where he shows up...never fear...

David loves Panda Bear Express (his name for it)...

I know it seems like I take a lot of these self-portraits of me and whoever I'm with lately...but I figured it was the only way I'd show up in pix (that I could control anyways)...and since I don't have a lot of pix of my mom from my younger years, I wanted to reverse that trend for my kids. Though the pix are 99% of the time unflattering, that's ok. There I'll be. for posterity...

Off to take my walk/run...hope you are relaxing, kicking back, getting stuff accomplished, enjoying your day....hugs!

This time last year and dontcha just love it...

Roll Queen...

I love this pic of Levi but it really doesn't look much like him.

This weekend marks phase whatever # we are at w/ the porch project. David has a guy coming down to help tie in the new roof to the existing roof. Should be interesting and should allow for some good shots. Here we are this time last year...






o boy

At the time, I thought Molly was so cute...but looking back, she looks kinda smooshy. Only a mother could love and adore a little Ed Asner baby, huh?

This is one of my all time favorites...everyone needs naked baby pix of themselves and that is where THAT stops. right there. halt. but can you see the cellulite in this girls trunk? Her new nickname now? Tunky. where did this come from? a mix between trunk and chunk. trunk chunk. she just fits this name...she is a little toughy.


Good Friday morning, folks! How's it going? Can you believe it's the weekend again? already? so soon? I'm hoping for a "quiet" one but I know that is outta the question.



What's on your plate for the weekend?



I have Molly in my house so it will NOT be quiet or restful. (as I type, she is near me, taking David's shirt out of his hallway bureau and decimating my clean upper level but it's cute cuz she is on her tip toes doing this and her bun is hanging out of her diaper) Ok, sorry. I love this little hurricane. I do. but she wears. me. out these days. Have I said that before?

Otherwise, yesterday was sheer crazy madness in the car...alllll dayyyyy.

1. Storytelling festival in Military Park downtown

2. Errands, errands, more errands. but did I get anything done? yeah, but it's days like this that I wish we lived a little closer to "town". Returns at Kohl's, the never ending search for the perfect Harvest party get up, lunchy stuff....

3. Orthodontist appt, which included finding out we would have to pay $210 to replace the fake tooth on Will's retainer, since he "broke" it. that's ok. but he has to have it, since we live where we live and cannot be missing any teeth. we just can't. (Will's getting a job. in two years)

4. Dr. Andry appt - he is our amazing awesome Chiropractor/Alphabiotic Doc...he worked me over yesterday...so I'm a tad sore today but nothing like last weekend. And he's awesome because sees all my kids for free. yes, some things are still free.

5. More errands, time killed, and eventually just gave up and took the big boys home before soccer practice, which was at 5:45. I look forward to soccer practice time on Thurs. night because I get to sit (well, not "sit") and visit with Tammy K(see last weekend update). Her girls are so good with Levi and Molly. We always have good talks. last night, the bugs were horrible out there...can anyone tell me what those teeny tiny little black bugs are that BITE? and why on earth are the bugs so bad right NOW?

6. I'm not done yet...I had more to do. ahhhhh. this post is making me cranky. Target afterwards and then my sister's place...oooo so nice to get to sit and talk with you, if even for a few minutes, my sister. I be lovin' you! You. Complete me. ok, awkward, cheesy moment over...Nora had a bow in her hair when I got there. She has some sweet little ducky fuzz on her head now, more than enough to get a little bow into. It came out. She kept setting it on her head and when it would fall off, she would look at us like "Wha?"

7. Home (at almost 10 pm) to FEED the kids. straighten house, fall into bed.

The End.

I do this mostly because I sometimes need to look back on certain days to remember what happens. David has a log he keeps up and he will ask what we did this day or that...so there ya go. aren't you glad to know all this?

Gotta go feed Mollsy Tunkystein some breakfast. Until then...chow.