School pictures, take ONE

Will, 16, but not for long. Pray for this boy, he's been pretty sick lately.

Ethan, 15 for another six months or less. I think his cold is letting up but he's been pretty sick too.

Melanie, 13 since end o' May. 

Levi, who is 8 till Halloween, and more than slightly cheesy. :)

And then there's Molly, who wears FOUR with pride.
Tom took a pic of each of the kids with their hands on their hips, looking off into the distance. The wind swirled around Moo's head and I was afraid we wouldn't get her to hold still long enough. Alas, my fears were unfounded when Tom was able to catch this beauty.  Her hair swooshed out of her face just in time...He got it blown up into a 16x20 for me. hilarious.


Hi.
I wanted to get these school pix on here but never fear, I have not forgotten that I posted a pic of my kids with cousins, cousins and more cousins last week or the week before. I have been meaning to blog the pix we took when my Michigan relatives were here in July for Jack's Celebration.

Life is a whirlwind right now.

I never seem to be able to complete any one thing.
I've been unusually weepy, always on the verge of tears. I guess that's ok, but I just pray that the ache and pain of Jack's loss subsides a bit more.

I'm a little angry. yesterday and today. He was so close. He was so perfect and beautiful and BIG! He put a knot in his cord, probably months ago, when he was a tiny little thing. I'm just really sad about that. How could I have known? Jack was awesome. I can't wait to hold him in Heaven and tell him how much I love him.

but I think he knows.


Have a nice, hot September Tuesday. 

faces of loss, faces of HOPE

I submitted my abbreviated story to Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope last week and they put it up yesterday....

facesofloss.com

no, it's not faces o' floss, as it looks...haha.

Click the link above and scroll down a few ladies...I'm there. I guess if I'd realized they'd actually post my story, I would've maybe gotten more detailed or put some Scripture with it but all in all, I'm so glad it's there. Check it out!!

I put my miscarriage that happened in 2006 on there because honestly, when I get to heaven and meet the kid (see the book "Heaven is for Real"), I didn't want him/her to be mad that I didn't count him. We named him because that made him seem more real. Which he was, but I lost him at 12 weeks. He counted...he was real. Plus, having that miscarriage, as I wrote, really did help me to cherish my pregnancy with Molly so very much.

On to a busy Thursday...tally ho!

some days are better than others...

I'm working on a way to always have a little charm of Jack with me, so I can look at it when I need to, show someone without overwhelming them with a gigantic pic of my sweet angel boy. I am also working on, and hoping to have a sterling silver JOY bracelet made up soon. I will post when it's done.

Jack's grave last week...

There is a page for each kid, and this one, which has a pic of our family and one of Jack in the pocket...such a cute idea.

she wrote me a letter, which is safely tucked away in the pockety part of the lunch bag book.

the cover of Mel's gift to me...lunch bag book...held together with sock monkey ribbon.

Hi there. It's hot today. Our septic tank is backing up. Kids are busy,busy, busy with their school work and I'm stuck in a rut of sadness.

I put on a normal face but he's always there. From the book I'm reading, called "They Were Still Born", this is just the way it's always going to be. I like this book because 1.) The title implies that he was STILL born, even if he died...and 2.) It's chock full of essays written by people, men and women, that lost their baby before birth. Some lost their babies days before, knowing that they would deliver a still child and some, like me, thought that they were delivering an alive child only to be smacked in the face with the reality that our babies had died. I still can't believe it. I'm really struggling with this today, really missing that little fella. It's 8 weeks tomorrow...life goes on, right?

Yup. septic tanks back up, bills get paid, kids need to be run here, there, hither and yon and I still wish my baby boy was here. That will never change. Life does go on, God is still good, I still trust His Son, Jesus Christ, but my family is missing someone. This is my story...

Had a good, unexpected cry driving up 37 today...the close your eyes while you drive, uh oh, kind...then while making salsa because I kept thinking about all the salsa I ate while I was carrying Jack, and the thoughts that would run thru my head..."Ohhh, such good baby growing food I'm eating today...this boy will love salsa"!

Ok, well, just so ya know, that's where I'm at. missing our baby, loving and enjoying my living children to the best of my ability...cherish.

Hope you are doing well! Thanks for stopping by, thanks for praying, thanks for thinking of me, dropping me notes, sending things, crying with me. Means the world to me.

coping with grief

so perfect...just can't fathom this loss. even still.

how many times in one day can I replay this scene over in my head??

Hi.

How are you?

I'm not gonna lie...I've had better days. not that any one thing happened to make this day horrible. I worked in Jack's garden, trying to get the plants from Mary Helen and Tammy into the ground...and I find that it's a good time to just reflect, pray, and cry a lot. It's very healing.

it's just all the remembering, replaying, beating myself up for not "listening" to my maternal instincts, God's preparing me for what was coming...

Whatever it is, or was, I'm in this phase now...grieving mother.

After searching other blogs out, blogs by women, mostly, who have lost babies thru stillbirth or sometime in infancy, I find that I'm quite "normal". whatever that is. I didn't think I was normal before Jack's birth so I'm even less now.

How I'm coping with grief:

1.) I want to talk about Jack. If it's the first time I've seen you since we lost him, and you don't ask what happened or acknowledge him, I will be sad. more for you than for me. but still sad. He was real, he was here, we were excited, he is still a part of our family. Our family chain is broken and will be re-linked when we meet up with Jack Oliver Young in heaven.

I do appreciate prayers and I know David and the kids do too...just when I think I'm doing ok, a wave of sorrow (daily) hits me. it's honestly the weirdest place to be. I sob while I push-mow the yard. I find it's really cleansing...I'm sweating anyways so I might as well bawl and wail. so keep the prayers coming...I wail while I drive. It's sorta unsafe.

2.) If you don't know what to say, that's ok, just give me a hug. When you act like things are as they were before my life changed forever, I will not know how to deal with that. The woman who weighed me at Weight Watchers last night, who knew me because I look just like Becky (who goes to WW with me and she told this lady about JOY) even said she was sorry and hugged me. I don't expect you to know what to say...say his name..I love it. Hugs are welcomed.

3.) I do know where Jack is and while that is extremely comforting, I'd like him to be here. I'm ok with people saying that to me because at least they are saying something.

I am only human. What they say is true, my arms do ache for him. I have images of Jack that I carry with me and they all contain vivid pictures of that wild hair and that Molly face and mouth. I imagine little wings and those long, curled up feet that were so like Levi's. (go to YouTube and enter Chris Rice's song "Spare an Angel" or another CR tune "Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)). I am not hopeless...

I still can't believe that this has happened to our family. I wouldn't say that I'm angry but everything is not OK, hunky dory. I still yell at my living kids. I get aggravated with them, even still. Overall, I'm just so thankful for them...let me tell a story about my eldest son...Will Franklin Young:

Picture this: I'm at a family reunion this past weekend. At this point, no one had even acknowledged Jack or the horrible loss of him, which I know folks think I may not want to talk about it (see above)...and that's ok. (I've come to grips with the fact that people just don't know what to say, how to respond or if I'd want to talk about Jack Oliver Young)

We had taken our travel trailer to said reunion with us, as the plan was, so I'd have a place to take JOY for naps, or nursing whatever. so that, in and of itself made me sad because I didn't have that sweet boy in my arms. I retreated to the trailer because I could feel a big ol' sob coming. I sat in there and wailed. Will came in to get his suit on for slip n slide fun. I tried to act like I wasn't just weeping but he knew so he sat down with me, talked with me, asked if he could PRAY WITH ME.

We held hands, closed our eyes, and after a delay, I looked up because he hadn't started yet. He was crying...We stood up in the middle of that tight trailer and hugged. He had to, of course, lean down to hug me because I'm about 6" shorter than him now. After we got a hold of ourselves, he prayed with me. Held my hand, talked more with me...helped me process the things that were going thru my head...he is so patient (as are Ethan and Mel, it just happened that Will was the one that walked in. All 3 big kids have been so gracious to let me vent, cry, talk, weep, question).

Can I just say that it's a pretty cool thing to have something like the above happen? Makes all the years of being at home with kids so worth it. If that's you, you are home with littles, and it seems like it will last forever, it won't. suck it up and praise the Lord for the ability to mother your children.

Forgive the jumble...I am honestly a scatterbrained goof right now (right now, you say?). If I don't write something down, it's as good as gone. Thank you for letting me process here on this blog.

Finally, I thank the Lord for the things He is bringing to my attention. I am unsure of the ministry He has in store for my family and I but I have a pretty good idea that it will include helping grieving people in some way...then again, I could be totally wrong there. All I know is that we are open to whatever it is that He has for us.

Hug your kids, spend time with them that you don't think you have. They are worth it. (I'm saying this to myself JUST as much) Hug them, sniff them, let them know that you are so glad to have 'em. Gotta go sort all of this out...

Will Franklin

Ethan James

Melanie Kate

Levi Taylor

Molly Christine

Jack Oliver

Come to Jesus, and live.

Nice distractions...

Probably the last pic of just 5 of our kids. We went to Cheesecake Factory Wednesday night to celebrate Father's Day and to get Mel her birthday cheesecake (she chose the Reese's one...eww.)

Apparently, this baby didn't come with a little pop out thingy that says when he's finished because I am STILL pregnant...and it's the day AFTER my due date. I'm beside myself because I have never ever ever been in this position. I have a lot of thoughts going thru my head, some of them are freaky and I just can't help but wonder what God is trying to teach me. I'm open, waiting to learn...but failing. just keep swimming, just keep swimming....

Hey BIG LADDDDYYYYY! (totally reminds me of a story from my pregnancy with Will...I'll have to blog about it someday...) this just looks painful...ouch. help meeeee!

Hi there. How are ya?

I'm trying to stay positive, keep smiling (hence the smiley songs on playlist..yes, Justin Bieber makes me smile. Leave me alone), stay busy so I don't dwell too deeply on the fact that I'm going to be pregnant FOREVER.

Today's date is rather significant for this child of the 80's. Here's why...

~Today is George Michael's birthday (I know) and today is his birthday. I loooooved Wham! when I was a kid...yeah, he doesn't have the greatest character but I still remember his birthday.

~Two years ago, on this very day, Michael Jackson passed away (or so they say). I was a big MJ fan as a youngster. I still appreciate a lot of his musical talent though his character also was less than stellar. so what (that's pregnant me talking)...

I've told the baby that if he doesn't come TODAY, I will name him either George Michael Young or Wacko Jacko Young. no pressure.

In all seriousness, I think we've chosen baby boy's name and it has Godly purpose. We asked the Lord to bless us with our 6th baby, if He'd bring some JOY along with him. I'm not saying that we will always be JOYFUL because the baby is here, but we are praying for the reminder of Joy in spite of ourselves.

We kinda wanted to implement initials of said baby with the JOY acronym (that's an acronym, right? correct me if I'm wrong...) If it was a girl, we wanted to name her Olivia Joy Young (yes, out of order but Joy would still be there) and we've had a harder time with a boy. We've tossed different ideas around...I think we've settled on Jack Oliver Young. Please don't refer to him as JOY (I can totally hear that Johnny Cash song "A boy named Sue" in my head)...but he is our JOY baby.

Maybe that's why he's making us wait...we need to find the true meaning of JOY. It's a choice. I will choose JOY today. even though, with every contraction, I freak out a little bit more...joy, joy, joy....and can I say that once he does arrive, you all, as far as Japan, will probably hear me whooping and hollering with JOY!!

David and Ethan are working over in Centerville so the remaining kids and I are going to visit the Greenwood Freedom Festival. Parade, booths, too many people. A nice distraction...thank you, Shellee, Nic, Tory, and the rest of you on Facebook etc. for your kind, caring words and prayers. I deeply appreciate them and ask that you keep them coming. Hopefully the next time I'm on here, it's to post pix of baby Jack on here. we can HOPE.

Hugs...

li'l cutie pies

I'm really, really in a nesting mood.

The way I "see it", I have about 6.5 weeks till little dude arrives. Man, that's totally graspable. I just cannot wait to see him...

Anyways, all was well, or so I thought, with him being in head down position. Tonight, while laying and reading Ree Drummond's hilariously romantic bio, I noticed some hiccups up under my ribs. what the heck? When did he do the ol' switcheroo? could that have happened while I was mowing the lawn? I dunno...but 32 weeks (this Friday) is generally when baby is nestled all snug in a head down position.

In other news, we've discovered the show "Pushing Daisies"...so I'm gonna go now and watch with the fam.

Happy rainy Monday.

My almost full quiver...aka time in a bottle

Will Franklin born 10/16/94: though this was taken in North Dakota, summer of 1996. He's nearly two here so he doesn't fit the baby baby mode of the following pix, but it is one of my absolute all time fave Will pix. Taken by my cousin Dawn. I miss this boy but this is who I see when I look UP at him every day.

Ethan James born on 2/14/96. This pic was taken in my parents' basement, where we were living between N. Dakota and our Beech Grove apt. This, also, is who I see when he is talking to me, telling me some tidbit of history, daily. lookit those killer peepers. my goodness...

Melanie Kate born 5/31/98. This was taken on the very bed she was born on (well, sorta) in the house (of sorts) that we discovered on Sunday, the last day of May, a daughter for the family. Not only do I see this face when she's telling me some story and infusing it with 100 "likes" but I hear my sister crying as she videotaped the birth and I said "It's a GIRL....."

Levi Taylor born on 10/31/02...and yes, this is the little ragamuffin fella I see when he's asking me a question over and over (even though I've answered him). This little guy with the rough start and continued struggles with sensitivity to loud sounds (oh, how did he end up with me as a parent??? why Lord??) but gentle giant he is. I love this little struggler...we struggle together. and that little tongue. ahhhh. that boy. can't believe he's 8 now.

Molly Christine born 7/9/07 and what a sweet little last baby we thought we had....she was SUCH a good baby, good sleeper, good natured...and now. well, we won't dwell on that. for she is still pretty good natured. just misunderstood. This pesky little face is most definitely the one I see when she's got her hands on her hips and she's setting me straight about this sibling or that, mistreating her. oh boy. wonder how she will handle a little brother.

Man, can I brag and say "MY KIDS WERE ALL SO DANG CUTE, PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL!!!"...those faces. whew!

here, I'd like to insert a generic photo of a baby...I have my ideas of what this 4th boy will be like...I'd like for him to be a nice little mixture of Will, Ethan and Levi...it's like Christmas, waiting to see what this little gift will be like. I know he's twitchy and wiggling. he kicks me in a certain spot and my belly goes numb. future soccer player like his siblings before him? I bet.

speaking of soccer...Levi, Will and E had their first games. I stayed home from the big boys' game with sick Molly and Levi. It's cold outside. It's slightly rainy.

Ok, the troops are home with the ingredients for the strawberry/mandarin salad we are making for dinner so I'm outta here...adios!

ADDENDUM: Strawberry/mandarin salad with honey mustard dressing was a hit. at least for me. Also found my camera tonight. it was in the boys' bathroom?? go figure. Off to enjoy some Nutter Butter's and check on my sick little girl. Our trip to Illinois depends on her!

Pledge for purity

The Shelter...part of the Bandy's residence...where the kids go for their Kaleo and Phos/Ontos youth groups. We are very THANKFUL for these ministries.

David took some differing views...we were right up in the front. :)

When it was time to pledge, all of the kids circled the room...this was just one side...

a portion of the kids in the front...and hey, I know those kids. My kids with their friend, Ian. The guy at the mic is Greg Eades, a teaching pastor at a local church. He presented the devotional and it was very good - emphasized that this initial commitment is the easy party...it will take discipline, training and coaching.

The parents then presented their kids with a token of some sort...ring, bracelet, necklace...and when the time came, each kid would kneel, pray and put their ring etc on. This is Will. what a nice guy....

Ethan's turn...I'm in awe of the inspirational young men that God has given to us. They are out of this world....friends & family, help us keep them accountable.

Mel's time...such a sweet spirited, Godly young lady. I'd be crazy mad without her.

Mr. Mike Bandy...one awesome, Christ-loving fella! one really just has to stand in awe when in his presence (he has more energy than most kids, folks)! I failed to get any pix of his lovely wife, Pam...but she was scooting around taking pictures also. Have I mentioned how blessed we are to be involved with these saints?

Will, Ethan, and Melanie participated in a Purity Ceremony last night. Mike and Pam Bandy, their youth leaders, hosted it and man, it was amazing.

They originally thought 20 kids would be participating...and in the end, there were 70 kids involved. Wow!

It was slightly breathtaking and more than a little overwhelming (in a good way) to be a witness to such commitment. (plus, I'm super emotional these days so I had to suck back some crocodile tears).

Do I really have kids that are old enough to be doing this?

what??

I'm only 16, folks. :)

if you live on or around the south side of Indy, and you aren't involved in Kaleo or Phos/Ontos, and you have a jr. high or high schooler that needs accountability, encouragement, Christ-like influence, give me a buzz and I will pass the info on...my kids are different people after being involved in these ministries.

Ok, I could keep going...buttttttt, the sun is SHINING, David and #1-4 are going skating from 10-12 and Molly and I are going to take a walk. and paint our nails. and make our beds. and maybe call my extremely lovely neighbor chick and see if she's free for a bit today....hope that this finds you well, healthy and JOYFUL.

Let's get this party started...

Hello Big Whale...

Right outside the Newport Aquarium...Molly wouldn't join them!

Me too...

Show off 40 year old guy....whew! can you believe this guy is FORTY???

Miss Shortypie

Levi's getting tall...

Mel is now officially taller than me.

Ethan is catching up to Will's height quickly...

Will was sleepy...

I know I promised to get the Cincy trip pix up on here....and not to disappoint...here are a few highlights of our Monday at the Newport Aquarium....

In other news...

David's big 40th Birthday Skating Bash will be taking place on Saturday, March 19, 2011 (a little over a week away) from 5-7 p.m. I've tried to send out a mass email and I'm sure I will miss some folks in the hubbub...so if you check this blog, and you know us and want to come skate to some mad 80's tunes at Wheels of Wonder, Indy...we'd love to see you there! Admission is covered, all you have to pay for is skate rental ($3.00)!

Seriously...gonna do a pregnancy update now...so if this isn't your thing, you can leave now....but I kinda use my blog to keep track of our lives....and since this is my last pregnancy, I need to make sure I'm doing that...

I think our fourth son is in the midst of a growth spurt. Shellee, you may be able to answer this since you are almost a mom of NINE...but man, I don't remember my other kids growing over night. YIKES! I started out with a big kid (Will, 8 lbs, 11 oz) and I have a feeling that the other side of boy sandwich is going to end big....please tell me I'm incorrect. He is all. over. the. place. literally....and I have 3 more months to go. oy vey.

choose joy. this too shall pass. and then I will miss it. (or will I?) I'm extremely thankful to the Lord above for this pregnancy. Whatever I may convey on my blog or on Facebook. I truly am. It's amazing how much we can let our circumstances affect our JOY. Forgive me. Spring or no spring...I have so very much to be praising Him for. I really do. And this little nameless boy is high up on my list!

I will see midwife next Monday at 10 a.m. I pray she tells me I'm measuring big so will have this dude in EARLY June. yah baby.

Ok, on that note...I hope to be back tomorrow or the next day to post the rest of our trip pix! Hope that this Wednesday finds you happy, healthy and thankful. good night...

just amazed...

you are simply marvelous, darling. even though I wanted to "choke" you at Target today for being such a loud-mouthed rascal. (I would never choke my child)

I have three of the best teens/pre-teens around.

and one of the most energetic three year olds.

the family comedian

anyone seen Punky Brewster lately?

I'm out the door to a night away at a hotel with my peeps but wanted to post some of Tom's Christmas pictures. Because they are so excellent. There are so many more but since it's my blog, I'll just post a few of my kids (but believe me, my sister's kids are just as adorable).

I'm just amazed because even though I feel like doo doo a lot these days (for obvious reasons and WINTER/S.A.D), I can't help but praise the Lord for the blessings of my children. I'm not worthy. they are so cool and so good. My husband is pretty darn incredible too.

I don't know what the future holds but I know Who holds it and I will rest in that.

No. Matter. What.

Have a lovely, arctic weekend.

Santa Baby...

As parents, we've never pushed the Santa theory.

We've watched all the holiday specials with him in them.

We've always put cookies, carrots, milk and oats out for him and his reindeer.

We've always enjoyed scaring them when they were little...Will was especially frightened of the man in red. Ethan's preschool teachers pulled me aside in the weeks before Christmas saying I might want to "talk to him" (as if) because he was upsetting all of his friends by telling them Santa wasn't real. (rebel rouser)

S0, Wednesday night as we sauntered around the mall, Molly saw this very authentic Santa and wanted to get her picture taken with him. Levi was a little more tentative but he gave in. David was a total sucker (so cute) for Molly's request...and here is the result. A 5 x 7 piece of immortality...

Molly sat there and told him all the things she wanted, fearlessly. I guess that's good.

Today's a busy day...our good friends are going out of town for a few weeks for the holidays so we are going to spend some time with them...David's working, Randy's finishing our siding, the kids are helping me with the littles so I can spend some time with Tambo....

and on we go...hope this finds you well. busy weekend ahead. pix of siding up soon.

Emmanuel...God with Us.

It's that time of year....

School picture time....

Will Franklin, who will be 16 in 15 days.

Umm, when did this kid grow from that little round faced cherub to this mini-man? seriously.

Ethan James, 14...and the above comment applies to this young dude too.

Melanie Kate, 12

Beautiful, inside and out, mos def

Levi Taylor, who will be 8 in 30 days. hard to believe he's not that little pursed-lip scaredy baby anymore....I blinked and he's 8.

Molly Christine, 3 years.

Our source of constant delight and entertainment...

poooooo-ser.

back in 2005, I took pix of their profiles. I need to dig them out but until then, here are their updated profiles.

or mugshots if ya wanna get technical.

I'm kidding.

she doesn't look thrilled.

he's up to something.

hee hee.

Mel picked one of my geraniums {gasp!} and stuck it in her hair....

sweet kids.

Hi.

How are ya today?

We were able to enjoy a {most of the} day at home kinda day. Mel reminded me that we hadn't taken our school pics yet. Naturally, I obey my daughter...and these are the results.

Hope this finds you gearing up for a fun-filled weekend...I think we get to be around home again and for that we say YIPEE!!