3 months is a long time but not really...

Jack Oliver Young
6.30.2011


A heart of gold stopped beating,

Two shining eyes at rest.

God broke our hearts to prove, 

He only takes the best.

God knows you had to leave me,

But you did not go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day He took you home.

(I saw this poem on Maddie's blog, over to the right)

It's been three months, right now. 

I can scarcely believe it.

I've had some good cries today.

Now I'm going to go take a walk, and cry some more.

If we learn nothing else from this trial,

Come to Jesus and live.

Can't wait to see you again, sweet JackYoung the Brave.

Up

As Molly says, "Hello Jack Butterfly!"

Levi manning the back hoe

Burying Bilbo...our first lizard to perish. awww.

This is where Gracie is buried. We have a regular ol' Pet Sematary, folks.

cheeseball

glad to see the polar bear exhibit has an inhabitant

These five otters cracked me up. I told the kids they reminded me of them. They came running up to us and were squawking at me like my kids would.

I really do love giraffes. They are spectacular, amazing and serene.

Can you read this? On June 25 of this year, five days before Jack's birth/death, the gazelles at the Indy Zoo welcomed a baby girl, named Anuli, which is Nigerian for JOY...and she was sired by "Jack". 

Whatta life...oh to be a gross rhino.

Molly and Levi taking a break....

The new elephant baby, I forgot to check out the name. It/he/she was so cute, copying off of it's momma.

The boys, in cooking class, with Miss Kitty. Our new homeschool co-op, which isn't new, we just haven't been in it for 3 years, has been really great!

My Jack Oliver ring. It has his birthdate after his name...6.30.11

I'm in the midst of schooling Levi and Molly right now but wanted to get more pix on here...I will update this later. maybe.

Ok, so I'm here to update...


I still haven't gotten the few pix of this past weekend up on my comp. I'm a picture loser. 


ha ha.


It's funny how you become painfully aware of something when you've been thru something painful. E.G. you get cancer, you become aware of other cancer patients, run/walks related to that cancer, movies about cancer, etc. know what I mean?


It's the same with babyloss. Looking back, I realize just how much it had touched me before Jack. books I'd read, movies, stories I've heard, blogs I'd visited, etc.


I was just downstairs watching UP with Molly and Levi...it's such a great movie anyway. But I think the thing that makes it sooo amazing is it's realness. The beginning, when you see Carl and Ellie living their lives, is so beautiful. The music, the colors, the scenes...


WHAM!! there's the scene where they are laying on a blanket, looking up at the clouds. The clouds turn into babies. They paint the nursery and dream about babies.


KA-POW! you see Carl and Ellie sitting in a doctor's office...she's bent over crying. 


It's funny that I'm relating to a cartoon character today. Not that I've never known the JOY of having a baby...because I have. I don't mean to be insensitive or "poor me"...


But it always "seemed" to come so easy.


It's not. It's fragile {life, that is}. God is chiseling away at me and it hurts.


I was emptying old photo albums today. I found one from when David and I were first married...and I had stuck a pic in the back of me, sitting on the floor immediately after Will was born. 


It made me cry.


Watch out, blog faithfuls...we are coming up on October and I'm usually weepy this month anyways...not considering just how poignant this month is in my life, and how much more it is now.


Hope your Wednesday has continued to be nothing short of JOYFUL. 


Savor each moment...it's hard, isn't it?

This time last year

This time last year, we were enduring very dry soccer. But it was so cool to see Will in peak form. This boy was made for soccer.

I had shorter hair and my arms were starting to trim down (for me, anyways)

Go Will. 

This time last year, we were a family of 7. Little did we know that one month later, we'd find out that the 8th member would be joining us. This pic was taken by my brother at Greenfield Village in MI.



David and I enjoyed our FIRST getaway, just the two of us, with no intent to work or anything other than relax and spend time TOGETHER, this past weekend. I hope to blog some of those pix when I get them downloaded off of my phone.




It's funny because I always have some form of a blog post rolling around in my jumbly head.

I cannot believe how foggy, scattered, mushy, rambly my head and thoughts are.

All that to say, HI. I had a great blog post in my head while Mel and I walked yesterday afternoon. But sitting here, I can't even begin to retrieve what it was. And I always think "This one is sooooo good, there is NO way I will ever forget it!!"

Yeah, I did.

So you're stuck with this boring, This time last year post.

We are about to embark on our year of firsts. or nine months of firsts.

1.)  On October 16th, 2010 (Will's 16th birthday no less) I found out I was expecting. We went to a soccer game down south that day. This day will be hard. not only because Jack took a detour to a much better place but because my firstborn will be turning SEVENTEEN.

That just sounds OLD.

2.)  Thanksgiving weekend of 2010 was when I officially told people, on FB or on my blog that we were crazy and expecting. I was over the moon, aside from the nausea and general foreboding.

3.)  Last Christmas, I went sledding. while 14 weeks pregnant. My midwife said I could. I remained pretty active in the beginning. I can't help but think that my spastic lifestyle put a knot in Jack's cord. I also had visions of sugar plums and plump babies for this Christmas of 2011, for Jack would be 6 months old.

I know it seems that I dwell on him. And I think I'm allowed to. It was only 3 months ago...13 weeks tomorrow. I am a mom to five living, healthy, awesome, beautiful, intelligent kids and one angel baby. I don't ever want my kids or you to think that I don't (try to) cherish each day with my five alive. They are gifts to me.

I can't help but imagine what Jack would be doing as we come up to what would have been his 3 month mark. This blog is definitely a place where I can put my thoughts...I know I won't always be in this place. Which could be good or sad.

I should probably take his crib down. but I don't wanna. I should probably take his changing table down, but I think I'm doing good just to have emptied it into a rubbermaid tote, marked Jack Oliver Young - 6.30.11. I cry for you, little wild haired wonder boy.

I will always wonder about my 4th son, 6th child. I will look forward to the day where I will see his sweet face, opened eyes, and hear his voice. I don't have to wonder about his siblings. Praise the Lord.

I am blessed. I am truly blessed.

I have to go...gotta get some pix downloaded, get some kids on task, and spend some time in prayer and in God's Word. I hope that you are having a wonderful Wednesday...

Driveway Dig Up and oh what a delight!

this was last Thursday, if I remember correctly...

and so was this. but who can remember details like those?

well, there is our gas line...I know I still haven't blogged about that but you can imagine that just the fact that I'm even mentioning it is not good. David knicked it on THURSDAY (our least favorite day of the week), Sept 8...and we are waiting, anxiously, for our Vectren bill to show up. oh boy.

some progress...

This drive will be level. 

weird, huh?

Uncle John and Uncle Vincey, planning how they will conquer that darned tree stump. Notice Jack's sweet garden right behind it.

Don't look at me like that, boy. Vince doubted his mad back ho skills but we did NOT. This guy can do just about anything he sets his mind to.

Uncle John

Our poor canopy toppled...

Saturday: Vince in the bucket, on his way to trim a pesky tree branch.

Whatta guy...

I will have more pix on this latest adventure at our house but for now, I must close my eyes and go to the place where my troubles melt away like lemon drops...


Good night and God bless you...

JOY earrings...

I know it's hard to see the tiny pictures, maybe you can click on it and it will enlarge it.

So I'm getting all crafty yo and making JOY earrings. I love David's silhouette in the background. Mr. Elliptical Man.




Happy, gushy Monday to you. I love all this rain. On Monday. with a torn up driveway that gushes mud all. over. the. place. but enough about that. I will blog those pix in a minute.

Today would have been Sullivan R's first birthday. I spent a good portion of my day praying, crying and thinking of my friend, Jamie, his momma.  As I said on yesterday's post, I can't tell you if I've ever officially met her in person. I know her sister, Sandy, and cousin, Stephanie. I went to the same church as her for about 8 months. We connected on Facebook because of our losses. Sweet Sully met Jesus on Jan 11, 2011 and Sweet Jack met Jesus on June 30, 2011.  I am really looking forward to meeting up with her tomorrow, giving her a big ol' hug and just listening to her talk of her angel boy. I think we are meeting downtown and will either take in sights at the zoo or the canal. I hear the weather is supposed to be favorable.

In 10 days, it will be the 3 month mark. Looking at the pix, which I see here and there daily, brings the pain of this loss to the surface daily. I want to know what his eyes look like. I bet they would've been beauties just like Molly's (and Will's, Ethan's, Melanie's, and Levi's).

that is one of the facts that haunts me. I'm sure they were open that very day...I'd like to think he was looking around as they say babies do in utero...in anticipation of finally meeting us face to face. So close.

and then I start floating.

On FB tonight, my status update read something like this...didn't Gerber, Pampers, Enfamil and all these local photographers get the memo that my baby did not make it? I got an envelope today. It looked kind of important, maybe like it had $1,000 in it. Yeah, no...it was a 3 page, really nice add from a Bloomington photog guy, offering me a newborn photo shoot for my new baby. Where did he get my address? If I hadn't been feeling so sorry for myself, I'd have felt horrible for tossing the nice presentation he sent. Sorry Kip May...I'm sure you do a wonderful job capturing all those beautiful new moments. And I may have even given you a chance, if Jack was here.

so, tonight, whatever you are doing, send up a prayer for hurting momma's and daddy's like Jamie, like David and I, like others that I won't mention. We could really use the peace that passes all understanding. I know Jamie would appreciate it.

And maybe someday, these posts will make some sense. Until they do, thanks so much for your patience and for coming around 

Sully

Sullivan

This little cutie pie is Sully. There is a long story associated with him and I am not at liberty to share.

Here's how I know of Sully.

I married David Young, who grew up in Danville, Illinois. He went to church at Calvary Baptist. He was friends with Sandy and Jamie R. When I married him in 1993, I acquired some great friends, though it's been way too long since I've seen Sandy. Jamie is her older sister. I did not know her while I lived in Illinois for 8 short months from December 1993-August 1994. We may have smiled at each other at church, and I may have met her but I've lost lots of brain cells since then. and I was struggling to keep them even then.

Jamie was this little guy's momma. He left this earth and went to Jesus on January 11, 2011.

Tomorrow, September 19, 2011, would have been his first earthly birthday. Instead, he celebrates and worships the Lord Jesus Christ. I'd like to think he's hanging with Jack Oliver. Showing him the ropes and in's and out's of Glory. You are missed, sweet Sully boy. I will get to meet his momma, Jamie, officially, sadly, joyously, this coming Tuesday and we will talk of our sweet boys. We share a sad bond but one that I know the Lord will use and has used.

To bring comfort, peace, JOY, and encouragement.

God bless you and give you big hugs, Jamie.

to where you are...

May 18, 2011
still can't believe our baby isn't here. still hasn't sunk in.


Today has been weird. but good. driveway work is underway and oh, what a mess. piles and piles of dirt and tree roots.

I was so busy throughout most of the daytime that I barely had time to grasp that Jack's not here.

I got in the car to run a few errands, by myself...and it hit me. like it always does.

I should have a baby seat in the row of seats behind me. I miss you, JackYoung the Brave.

So, let me get on my soap box. for just a minute...for myself just as much...

CHERISH, hug, kiss, smile at, apologize to your loved ones. Only one life...and it's a twinkle of an eye.

I was enjoying some time with my dear friend, Jennifer P tonight...we rarely, if ever, get to just sit and chat. She's a mother of 6. I'm mothering five. In fact, her and I sat right here in my living room, early in the summer of 2010 and "planned", if you will, our sixth babies. When she found out her March 2011 baby was a girl and my June 2011 baby was a boy, you'd better believe we were matchmaking. She was even on call to be at Jack's birth.

She came to the hospital that sadly holy June evening when my boy took flight on eagle's wings to Christ. (Insert Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, Frodo and Samwise on big eagle music here. it'll knock your socks, or flip flops, off)

All that to say, this girl is dear to me...and I am thankful for the encouragement of a fellow momma. We both got teary eyed recalling how quickly our kids are growing.

Thank you, Jen, for taking the time out of your motherly duties to be with me tonight. Thank you for stressing the importance of spending one on one time with each of my kids. I am blessed to call you my friend and love you, dear sister.

I really could go on but tomorrow, David, our kids, my sis and her family as well as Amanda and Maria, will be visiting the Caribbean Cove water park. I need to get rested up for all that slip sliding and such.


Edit: We are not going to slip n slide fun today. this is for future reference when I try to recall this event when looking back on my blog. 

Cousin fun boo yah

Ethan is like the Pied Piper of little kids...they gravitate to him. Go E!!

 

On my mom's side of the family tree, these are  almost all of my Grandma Taylor's great grand daughters, minus my niece, Phebe. that's a lotta X's and Y's.

My BIL, Scott, hanging with my cousins Ken, stripes, and Scott, red.

The four chickies in the front row?? yeah, all born between May and August of 2007. A very girly reproductive year for the fam. L to R starting with Miss Polka dots, Nora (Beck & Scott's second daughter), Molly (our second daughter), Evie (Scott & Jen's 2nd girl), Taylor (Dawn's 2nd girl). Hmmm, how funny...and they are all seconds. funnnnn-y stuff. Piper (Beck's 1st), Laynee (Dawn's 1st), Natalee (Scott's first), Levi (my 3rd boy)
Melanie, Will, Ethan (all mine, baby)

All of my Gram T's grandkids, minus Andy, so we had Ethan stand in for him. 

fun in the hotel cafe...good times. good. times.

Ethan with Laynee. 

Evie and Taylor. stacking booster seats.


Hello and happy Wednesday evening.
Aren't you glad that I finally got these cousins pix up? I know I am.
These pix are from July 16, 2011. So thankful for my Michigan family. They drove down to celebrate Jack's life with us. Eventually, I'd like to post my cousin Scott's letter to Jack on here. But for now, it's tucked safely in JOY's green scrapbook. Thank you, guys. David and I truly appreciate the efforts that were made to be here. I love you all.
Tomorrow is a busy day so I'm outta here...