surely goodness and mercy

Jack Oliver Young
6.30.11

So here we are...the fourth June since Jack died. It always kinda sneaks up on me.

Not really but really, I can be chugging along nicely and out of nowhere, something will remind me of the events from June of 2011. You'd think that, four years later, that would subside. but it doesn't. And I don't want it to. ever.

For example, the garden tub that I gave birth in...one of the downsides (one of the only down sides to home birth is when the baby dies....you don't get to leave the place that triggers all of your memories) is being around all the things that remind you....I will never not think of Jack when I'm in that bathroom, or cleaning that tub, as I was the other day....or bathing my little chick in there....I just never will...four years out, I can safely say that Jack will be forever tied to that tub. Same with the pool...I will never forget that that is the one place I spent his last living  on earth moments with him. I will just never forget that, every single time I get in that pool, I think of that. When it's covered and filled with goo and leaves, I think of that beautiful end of June day and my beautiful, brown haired boy. (being in the water really took my mind off of labor and took the edge off of discomfort so water birthing is the way to go y'all)...

I don't know what my point is...I just felt I needed to blog tonight. I was looking through pics and came up on this one of David holding Jack and there are just so many things that I absolutely LOVE about it...David's hands (he has the best hands), lovingly holding his 4th son. He was so good about checking him all out...I wish I could go back and be less in shock so I could really sniff him, check him out, just hold him and tell him how much I love him...but I can't so I will cherish this beautiful pic that one of the nurses snapped. (so so so thankful for the pics that were captured!!) I love his perfect little head, the little ring around his crown, his perfect hair. his forehead. Oh gosh, his forehead kills me. that perfect little nose that I want to beep. The way his little leg is resting under the blanket, on his daddy's arm. that perfect little blend of Greenhill and Young, McCoy and Taylor. How he looks like he's just sleeping and so beautiful. man. The blanket...how many new baby pics have I seen since then, and every time, it is like a punch in the gut...why why why??

I had some moments not too long ago, where I was just kinda miffed at God...and I've probably blogged about it but maybe not...a mom goes through 9 months of toil, her body not being her own, general discomfort and weirdness (and when you've had previous miscarriages or losses, making it through 9 months is extra amazing!!)....you make it to the magical date...and in Jack's case, beyond that magical date. The thing that kept me sane and going was knowing that he'd be in my arms soon enough and our family would finally be complete.

When the baby dies at the finish line, well...that just sucks. badly. And I had this discussion with God that that is just not a nice thing to allow, even in our world's fallen state...babies don't die, or at least, they shouldn't. The living, squawking, breathing baby is the prize you as the momma get for making it through all that growing, kicking and urping, and smelling weird, and craving, and grouching, etc.

I know, I know...there is a reason for this, some of which I know of, and some I am unaware of. The growth and new eyes that I've received in the past four years, well.....I'd never give back. The sense of God's presence in my life is worth more to me than anything I possess, or any person that I have the privilege of being with...the realness of Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He became for me, for all of us, on the cross has only become more amazing to me. If Jack had lived, I'm not sure I'd be so heavenly-minded or open to the things I've learned in the past 47+ months.

That precious baby boy was no mistake. He was alive and real. I'm so extremely thankful for him, that I can't stay mopey and depressing for too long. yes, I still cry. a lot more than you'd think.

I so wish I could figure out how to add the little audio clip of his heart beat at 15 weeks...I've been listening to it all week and it just rocks my flip flops off....if you ever happen to be over here, I'll let you listen to it. It. IS. AMAZING!

Well, I need to get to bed...I mowed the yard today with no self-propelled action on the mower, also while tending to the chickens that were free-ranging (one of which was the rooster, Hannibal = jerk chicken)...I'm tired and sore. Whilst freshening up the chickens' water, he attempted to attack me, which is very scary to endure (am I right, Becky?)...so attempting to run away from him while NOT turning my back on him, I tripped and flipped head over heels, nearly clipping the retaining wall...quite a sight, I'm sure! Molly watched the whole thing (which reminds me,  I need to blog about her intense bicycling accident from last Thursday...tomorrow) and proceeds to tell me "That was wild!!! Are you OK?????"

I'm so old and sore tonight...so from these aching hands and heart, to you....Good night. God bless you.

Gravity keeps holding me down...

unofficial Young Band marketing

ashes to ashes....
Nora was also out here but she was kinda hanging back by me. She asked me, very quietly, where we'd buried Gracie, her little doggie that died in July of 2011...the stone has since been picked up and moved. I showed her and she stuck close to me. We've also buried one of the boys' lizards out here...so I guess you could say we have a regular ol'  pet cemetery (or is it Pet Sematary?? never mind...scary movie reference). 

RIP Snappy

The Birthday Kids. Mel's dessert choice was Key Lime Pie.

Duncan wanted pie but got cake..that's what ya get kid!

Mel will turn 17 this coming Sunday (May 31)

Duncan turned 14 on the 26th.

so, these picture ledges from IKEA...I got them, not knowing where I'd even put them, as I have limited wall space in the lower level...I took down the jumble of stuff that was here (all very cool stuff) and waaa-laaaaa, a cool display wall.
those albums on the bottom shelf...ChatBooks. Quite the deal. I don't know about you but I don't develop pics nearly as much as I used to...if even once a quarter, and then it's only pix I may need for a project I'm working on. So ChatBooks takes your Instagram account and puts all the pix into 60 pic albums. I currently have over 30 volumes waiting...but I get them in 5 album installments monthly. You can speed it up but I chose turtle speed. it is such an affordable way to get some pics developed and into your house, and in album form, no less!! 60 pix for 5 bucks?? Yes, Please!!

Well good Thursday morning to you!!

I hope this posting on Livin' the Joy-filled Life finds you enjoying this lazy start to summer.

Around this house today, things are reasonably quiet...David, Will and Ethan are up in Ft Wayne, staying at our favorite RV park, Johnny Appleseed...to get some much much needed down time, biking, doing a really low key job in Marion (which is an hour south of Ft Wayne) and just doing guy things! Mel, Levi, Molly and I are keeping the home fires burning and loving springtime around here. Fall and winter are nice here, but spring and early summer are THEE BEST!! Each year, I love being outside more and more...turning into the perfect old lady, with my watering can in hand and dirty hands and knees.

The pool is up and running, even hosting a tree frog or two. eww. I can honestly do without this kinda thing but ya pick your battles, right? if you build it, they will come. eww.

Stay tuned for swimmy-type pix. We will be hosting my two nieces on and off this summer...my lil sis is doing photography for a local realtor so she works a lot more. We will get some much needed hang time with Piper and Nora.

On Memorial Day, the kids had gone up to the school playground, which is just across from our house. Ethan set his phone down to play some hoops with Dunc, left it there, remembered 15 minutes later that he'd set it down, walked back to get it and it was gone. After much searching and talking to some (guilty-looking) neighborhood boys about bringing it back if it was found or in their possession, they came home defeated and more than slightly bewildered. We suspended service and began a claim on a replacement.

Early the next morning, we heard a little frantic knock on the upstairs door. A little 9 year old guy breathlessly told us that he'd found E's phone on his friend's porch, grabbed it and ran it back to us...We were elated and praising the Lord for this fortunate turn of events. Tyler. We told him he was our hero (even knowing that he could very well have been the one that had it, but it doesn't matter. the fact is, he brought it back!), gave him $10 and thanked him! He came back to see if he could hang out with us later and to see if the phone was damaged..He's seriously so cute. He was with us till 9:00 that evening...came back yesterday to swim, eat spinach casserole with us and Levi is beside himself because he now has a friend.

We are thankful for Tyler and know that it's no mistake that he is in our lives. More on Tyler as the summer progresses, I'm sure!

Mel and Will's music is progressing....Natalie has taken some cool pix of them and Tom has also. If you haven't yet, you can follow them on Facebook (Young Band) and Instagram (@youngbandofficial). We are pretty excited about their future! (and definitely know that whatever comes, we will get to be a part!!)

Ok, time to get this party started today! I hope to be back much sooner than 3 weeks from now...fingers crossed.

May the Lord bless you as you go about this day.

Happy almost 47th month with Jesus, Jack Oliver Young...I miss you SO much. you know that.

Happy Mother's Day to me!

People watching at the Indpls Airport

selfies with some of them

then they steal my phone and do this, which is a-ok with me!

Here we are, at one of our favorite all time spots in Indy and even on this planet. I almost bit the dust
right before this was taken..uneven sidewalks and I don't get alone. As I "gracefully" dove toward anything (Mel), I had enough thought to grab ahold of her and I think she loved it. hahaha. I put on a good show for Mom's Day, folks!

another one of those things that we always have to do when we are at the canal.

Molly wants to join in but 1.) she's small and 2.) she's wearing a dress.

How's that, girl?

Paul, Cammi, Christy, and Austin

So glad we ran into the Kitchen Fam, so we could each take pics of each other! Thanks guys!

 I know it's been way too long since I last blogged and I'm really feeling bad about that.

 Although Facebook and Instagram seem like blogging, in a sense, they really aren't. Here at my blog, I'm able to journal and write as I would in a book. I'm not going to beat myself up for not blogging for two months or even vow to become a better, more consistent blogger. Then I'll just beat myself up even more, which is dumb.

So I'm here today and hope to be here more in the coming days, months...

I think that what overwhelms me is that there is so much going on, that I don't even know where to begin..I know I don't have to share it all or even most of it, but some of it's pretty daunting and it's kinda intertwined in the day to day so how does one blog when they really can't or shouldn't talk about what is going on?? Ugh.

Let me assure you, o faithful blog visiter, all is very well and I, and my family, are thriving, counting our blessings and safely tucked in the Lord's hands. We want for nothing and worry only a little bit. haha

As you can see above, our Mother's Day was very interesting. We attended church, where our pastor spoke very eloquently on honoring our mother's (alive or not), verbally, in our actions, and how that corresponds to our relationship with God. We then made a trek out to the Indianapolis Int'l Airport to take in some sights (I know that seems strange to some but David really wanted all of us to see the place)...we got 1/2 off Frappucinos (we all split them!!) while there, watched people (always entertaining!!), and watched airplanes land and take off. Next stop: the Canal in downtown Indy...one of our all time favorite places to be and apparently, now, everyone else in Indiana's as well! it was crowded but still so freakin' lovely! If you ever come to Indy and miss this place, I'll spank you! We ran into our friends, as mentioned above, and walked with them for a bit, took some pics, nearly tripped and busted our faces and had a wonderful time! (it was kinda hot for May 10th, but no one was complaining, except maybe Levi.)

We decided that Panda Express and Starbucks would be a lovely end to our Motherly celebration. Lovely Kacey gave me a Mom's special and we supped on our Panda on the front patio. We then rented "Unbroken" to watch and only got half way through....intensity and the promise of an early morning caused us to head to bed by midnight. All in all, it was a beautiful day and I'm so grateful for the gift and love of each child that God gave to me. Even though I don't get to take care of all of them here on earth, I know they are all right where they were meant to be. Weird to imagine what it would be like to have a bouncy, pesky nearly four year old little fella in our midst. I miss him.

I have so much more to blog but we have to leave for piano lessons in an hour so I guess I should get ready...Hope this post finds you doing well and enjoying this lovely spring.

Will & Melanie Young - Your Love Is Strong (Jon Foreman Cover)

Remember Green? and other randomness.

The play structure is history and now we have a yard of chickens out here...
but look how green!

Can't wait to grow zinnias again!

Green!!

it's coming! That's what all this spring rain brings, right? Oh wait, I guess it's still technically winter.....

Anyways...I'm blogging these pictures because springtime is such a time of renewed hope. I have renewed hope!

I also have a bunch of blog posts tormenting me daily...tormenting in a good way, mostly, but I will think of a post while driving or exercising and then when I sit with my laptop, I completely (no joke) forget this grand thought I'd had and how the words that I would type would change the peoples' lives that were blessed enough to encounter it.....

haha. cute, huh?

I used to write down my blog notes, and have started doing that again but I'm not going to blog about the things that are pressing me today. Pressing is good....it's just hard to know when to speak and if I should speak about what is pressing me.

This coming weekend holds some interesting things:

YFF got a job at a really cool "furniture" shop on the northside of Indy and they are starting it tomorrow...I hope to get some really cool pix, or steal some from Ethan or Will....

My parents made it back home last Saturday...their snow bird time has come to an end for this year. Tomorrow, we celebrate with a heaping plate of beef stroganoff and broccoli, for which I am most excited.

Mel and Will are practicing "Oceans" in Mel's room...for their next cover on YouTube...look them up....they've done some pretty cool music and they usually have some bloopers to go along with it. I've posted a Jon Foreman cover "Your Love is Strong" above!!

Ethan has some Krav Maga practice tonight. he's a cool dude!

Molly and Levi just live to try my patience right now but I thank the Lord for their feisty selves...

Ok, on that note...this Momma needs to get ready for the "date night" with Will! That fella suggested that he and I head out for a bit tonight to just hang out. How cool is THAT???

I'm kind of in awe and so thankful that I get to do this kind of thing too.....when I think of so many who aren't able to go about freely, for whatever reason, or for that momma fighting to stay alive another day (Kara Tippetts) or the momma that doesn't have custody of her kid.....

stand in awe and feel thankful.

Over and out....

Our little cupid...and some words that I hope will encourage.

Since the transition with Young Final Finish, Ethan has become one of David's most reliable floor guys.

The formidable three.
Haha.

Ethan is Molly's best friend. forever.

Michigan. Love these two brothers.

up in New Buffalo, Michigan

E with his cousin, Charlie!

You're getting so big, Ethan!

This was taken right after we moved back to Indy from N. Dakota

those baby blues...God gave them to E for a reason. He knew that this little boy was going to be very pesky. So He made him extra cute and delicious. Otherwise, we'd have handed him over to any band of traveling gypsies. for sure.

Already such a charmer at 5.

Ethan James Young will turn NINETEEN on Saturday. I can remember the day almost like it was yesterday.

I labored for two days with this guy. I thought for sure that he was a Melanie. When he emerged at 9:20 pm on Wednesday, February 14, 1996, I thought he looked an awful lot like Jeff Goldblum. Now, as you can see, he looks NOTHING like Mr. Goldblum but just like Ethan J. Young.

When he was five weeks old, we packed up and moved to the Great Northwest (North Dakota) until he was 5 months old.

He has been such a sweetheart. As a small boy, he was very precocious, stubborn, but tender hearted to beat the band. Nowadays, when he's home, I feel a bit safer...he's very safety-minded, helpful and cautious. In fact, next week, he's flying south to visit with some friends of ours for a week and his dad and I just don't know what we will do because E is the kind of guy that will literally drop whatever he's doing to help us out.

We will miss you, guy. Hope you know how much we love you and thank the Lord for the gift of being your parents. You will make some blessed girl a loving husband someday. And I hope that whatever little kids God blesses you with are as rambunctious and adorable as you.


On that note, I still have so many blog posts rolling around in my head. The one that is brewing now concerns investing in the spiritual aspect of our kids' lives.

So many parents (myself included, honestly) get their kid involved in this program, activity  or that

Make sure that they're in bed by a certain time, eat their fruits and veggies,  protect them from the sun or from chemical-laden food...make sure they get fresh air and activity...

don't watch too much television etc etc so on, so forth...

all the while, never investing in the spiritual aspects of their child's life...now if you are not a believer in Jesus Christ, this may not apply to you...(though I wish it did, but I'm a simple gal)....

If you claim to believe in the name of Jesus Christ and aren't actively investing in your children's spiritual life, that is not cool. This area of life is more important than physical activity, how well they know how to read or how good they are at a certain sport....though I'd never advocate that these are not good things....cuz they are...they just aren't the FIRST things...

I'm so thankful for David on this point...he is a disciplined guy. He always made sure we met as a family to pray, read Bible and memorize Scripture...Though our lives were busy, we tried to make time to gather as a family...Also, part of our kids' homeschool day included spending time in the Word and in prayer, for themselves. This is so important...

If it'd been up to me, it would've happened a lot less, since I am a little bit less disciplined than my guy. I'm willing to admit this. David is a wonderful leader for our family and watching him read his own Bible and spend time singing praises and praying at the couch is one of my life's most cherished photographs...What a picture for my kids to see! We've faced some pretty daunting situations throughout our 20+ years together...and the only way to really handle them is on our knees.

It's more than just a cheesy cliche'... He is our All in All. It's so rewarding and encouraging to see my older kids welcoming this into their own lives. I have learned so much from each of them and they encourage me in ways that I can't even put into words.

For reals.

To God be the glory....
Great things He hath done!!

so, let me encourage you, wherever you are....to give it a try. Jesus Christ will NOT let you down.

I can say that since I started cracking open my own Bible, journal, etc every day, it has opened my eyes. I am so grateful.

It causes you to see other's through Jesus' eyes....

and this, my friend, is today's blog post.

So thankful for my nearly 19 year old son and the time that God has given me to be with my beautiful gaggle of children.

Hugs!

A letter to my daughters (A charge to young ladies everywhere, really)

Melanie and Molly,

First let me tell you how honored I am to be your mother. I can still remember, vividly, the Sunday  morning that Melanie finally emerged into this world...I was ON CLOUD 9. I sat and looked at her that whole day and then I did what every good momma should do and I took her to Target. (remember when the lady asked me how old she was, and I asked her what time it was???) That's a good momma. :) I say this with my tongue in my cheek, of course.

Being a mom is, I believe, the highest calling. Without mommas, where would we be? I am asking that question seriously...I know not every woman wants to be a momma or is able to be a momma...please know that I feel your pain as well and I do not judge you for your decisions or medical condition etc. 

As your mom, I'm watching you. Does that sound freaky and stalkery? I hope not.... 

Let me be clear...I am watching you, caring for you, so ready to learn with you, disagree with you and then apologize sheepishly. I love you both so much. I hope you know that.....

I also feel for you...being a girl is not easy work. Other girls, ahhhhh. They can complicate things so.

And they will...so I want to help you to be rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ. HE is honestly the Only ONE that will not let you down, and will always be there with you and for you. You already know this on so many levels. Thank you for being such a good example of finding your worth in Him.

Mel, I'm so thankful for your level head...you are so much more matter of fact and embarrassingly more grown up than me on different occasions. Thank you. Your sociability, grace, ability to read people (you get this from me, dear), love for music and tenderness amazes me. 

So far, your dad and I have not encouraged you to "like" any boys...you've done that all on your own. I'm glad you like boys...it's a beautiful thing to have a "crush". When the time is right, you will begin a relationship with someone that we've gotten to know alongside you and those are exciting times. It's also so funny to me that the guys you "like" are similar to the kinds of guys I'd like as a young girl. haha. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...sorry, kid. :) 

Thank you for being open with me about this subject...thank you for trusting me enough to tell me these things and to hear me out when I have some admonitions about someone. 

Let me encourage you to become friends with guys. You have. The guy you marry will be your friend, first and FOREMOST. If you can't do this, then seriously, just stay unmarried. :/ Be friends with guys. 

The girls that come around that don't stick around when something doesn't work out with a guy make me so sad. I know it makes you sad too because here you are, sweet, vulnerable but far from silly, Mel...thinking you have a friend...and all they wanted was a way in to one of your brothers. Lousy feeling.  When you find this out, it hurts...sorry, honey. :(

Don't spread yourself too thin...your dad has really encouraged me over the years to take stock of my priorities and I will do the same for you....you can't do everything, though I know you want to...The things you are involved in (e.g. youth worship, church worship, cell groups, youth group, hang time with brothers and friends) are good. You are sociable, like I used to be....though you have many more opportunities than I did...kids today seem to. You are learning to balance all of the good opportunities well. 

In your life, you will be able to count your closest friends on one hand...being best friends with everyone under the sun is just a set up for failure, burn out and no peace. You can't be best friends with every single person you come in contact with...though you will want to and think you can. It is just not possible and if you try, people will think you're a ninny. Go for quality, girl.....

it's not possible or healthy. spreading yourself too thin...quantity over quality. how many friends do you have on Facebook or Instagram, Twitter...I mean, really, it's just a number. Most people are not ok with a person that has 1,265 best friends. It's hard to trust them or feel important to them....don't be that and try to spend little time with people like this.

I want you to have good, deep friendship with one or two, maybe even possibly three (at the most) people, preferably girls right now...though I know Will and E are tight with you.... 

Even then, there is only One friend that sticks closer than a brother..but you know this. Friends could leave, as you've seen with me...and they do. Sometimes for no good reason, or given reason....It's in those times that you will learn to really, truly cling to the One Who created friendship/companionship.

When you spread yourself too thin, you start to hurt others' feelings, those friends that thought they were your "real friend" will get their feelings hurt, even if you don't mean it...you will say things that make no sense, even though you had no clue you said it....

Thank you for being modest, also....I'm so glad we don't have to fight you on your appearance. Yeah, I know, appearance isn't everything...but it kinda is...the fact that you don't dress to show off curves and such is a beautiful thing. You care about how others perceive you and what they see (and we all know how visual men are)...

Purity is so much more than dress, being appropriate with a boyfriend and so on...you will face purity of heart for your entire life. Keep that chin up and never take yourself too seriously...being able to laugh at yourself, get out of bed and choose joy is PURITY of heart at it's finest.

There is so much more I want to say on this...but I think the conversation is open, for anyone. Anytime. 

Being open...being transparent. That's where we are at...you've had to watch me go through some pretty weird, pretty hard situations...I don't think I could've survived them without the love of Jesus and the love of my amazing family. It's hard...never doubt this...real life is nothing, whatsoever, like the movies or the books....it's hard, you must commit yourself to it in ways that you'd never think possible...

I cannot wait to see where the Lord takes you, with your music with Will, with your adventurous spirit, with your insane ability to bring so much joy to those around you....and I'm so honored to be your mom. 

Now, please pass this on to Molly, in case I'm too old in 6 - 10 years...I may need you to remind me to have this convo with her...but I know she is one blessed little chick to have you as a big sis and we are all super blessed to have her unsinkable, adorable personality in our family. 

More on this another time...

Thankful for your contagious smile and Christ-like JOY,

Love Yo Momma

thank you for your patience as I got this all off of my chest. 

A blog post of future blog posts

Good evening, fine blog readers...if you're still there!

All is well here, just busy beyond words! all good things, all good things, but busy nonetheless.

I have a list of a few blog posts I'm mulling over, writing and hoping to post within the next few months...

~A charge to Young Ladies

~A charge to fellow mothers

~Raising Godly children and not beastly children

~Being the Church, what that looks like, why it's so important etc (I'm so trying to figure this out)

~Will and Melanie's cover songs...I will have to find out how to post videos....

~What E, Levi and Moo are up to....Aunt Sherry's release from the hospital and how well she's doing!

~and many more intriguing titles for your viewing/reading pleasure. or not....

In other news, Aunt Sherry brought it to my attention that this day, four years ago, Uncle John moved here from Kansas. It was also the day that we had our ultrasound and found out that we would be welcoming our fourth son. Oh, Jack...I can't help but wonder if your cord was knotted on that day...

he never gave any indication of struggle...

Enjoy these pix below...they are in no special order...but hey, they are bringing me some January joy and that rocks....

We may be separated for now...

Is this true? I think it is.

Enjoy these blasts from the summery past....

I went through nine of the hardest months of my life, heart burn, tears, fear,  more fear and all I have to show for it is this 7 pound, 7 ounce teddy bear, which I am ever so thankful for, honestly. (Thank you, Molly Bears. Your donation is incredible and I love it) I'm also so thankful for the endless trials that the Lord has taken me/us through because of the life of our precious boy. Our precious boy who never even opened his eyes out here, took a breath or clasped my finger in his tiny hand.
sometimes, like right now, I feel robbed. but then I remember that I am the exact opposite of robbed.

So, honestly, I have a  lot on my mind...it's all good...I'm so thankful for the situations that the Lord brings me through and to. I wonder what He has in store for me. For us.

I feel like I'm on the cusp of something big...or different.

In light of the stuff we've been through with David's work situations (blah!!), the stuff we've been through with people around us etc....I feel like He's been preparing us for something that I can't even comprehend.

It makes me very "thinky" and almost pensive. I'm not mad, or judgey, just thoughtful....always wondering what I should say, how I can help, how to make things better around us or encourage people who are in different places than me.

My first blog post after this will be addressing young girls...Having a teenaged daughter, I cannot help but face this topic. Please know that, in addressing it, it doesn't mean that I've got it "figured out"...I'm just trying to encourage the young girls that come in and out of our lives...the way I'd like for my girls...if I wasn't here to hash it out with them.

On that note, I'm outta here...hope that this finds you doing well, enjoying this winter time and thanking the Lord for the life you get to live!

Happy 2015!!

Hello there, fine folks in blog land....

It's funny, I sat down to my laptop, typed out this big ol' mess of a post and though I've "saved" it, I don't know if I will ever post it.

Do you ever feel like some things are just too much? Like, not in a bad way, too much, but just "too much".

The Lord has been dealing with me on so many things. Friendship, being a better wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend etc., praying better and more and longer, how will I spend the second half of my life, and all that jazz.

On top of that, I have been having seriously wild, intense, deep, weird dreams. Like, wake up, breathing heavy because you have failed in some way to jeopardize a mission or something. (remember the hanging tusks from Thursday night)

Ok, anyways....knowing what to blog about and what not to blog about, that's where I'm at.

I'm embracing this new year....hoping it starts out better than 2014 ended. Hoping that some of the situations we continue to face, improve and that the people that have inflicted said situations would have a true "Come to Jesus and Live" moment...

My pre-Jack self would've been scared and doubtful and lacking trust but my post-Jack self says My God is bigger than any and all of these daunting situations we are facing...(and just so ya know, all is well in our home, my kids are thriving, our marriage is thriving and the Lord is at work).

Here's to a promising and exciting new year ahead!!

From our home to yours!

so yeah....I'm still here.

Gramps Greenhill was so handsome!

Tom's birthday...

Tom, my cousin Scott and I adorn my dad...so dapper.

Tom, Jenna and I admire our Grandpa G.

Tom and I.

Most of my Greenhill cousins (-Jon, who wasn't born yet)

with both sides of my family

one of our summer trips to Walpole Island.

Family memories....ahhhhh.

Back in the days when life was easier, slower, seemingly more trustworthy....

I really don't even know where to begin in blogging any updates so I'll just do the obvious...blog about updates....

David, Mel, Levi, Molly and I headed to Gulf Shores two weeks ago yesterday. We had a restful time and it was seriously so so sooooo good to get the heck outta Dodge. for real....though some serious work issues followed us down there, David did a great job trying to stay engaged in the vacation time. As a business owner, it is truly difficult to "get away" and not have to touch work stuff. It just doesn't happen. YFF is facing some pretty challenging days but we are leaving these iffy things in God's hands. We have good people in our workforce that have gone to bat for us. Also, some people on our work force who have not gone to bat for us...but that's a blog post for another day or another lifetime. blah. Please continue to lift David up before the Lord, as he faces some pretty cruddy situations. (I must also add, that we are facing some pretty great work situations also!! we will take the good with the bad any day. We will praise the Lord through all of it.)

Our time down south was really nice and went by way too fast. I could live on the beach....that is all.

The Tuesday we left town, we found out that our Aunt Sherry had a medical emergency...from what Uncle John related to us, she was brought back to life. She is on the up and up, will require a month or so of rehabilitation. Thank you for continuing to pray for her. We love her so.

I honestly just don't even know what else to blog about...all is well here. December, in true December form, has swooped in and overwhelmed me. I am always glad to "survive" Christmas, swore I wouldn't struggle with it this year and here I am...struggling....

choosing JOY but struggling. Overwhelmed by how hurtful and damaging some people can truly be...people you think you know. Heck, You'd think I'd be used to it by now...people will let you down...there is only ONE that sticks closer than a brother.

His name is Jesus Christ.

He is the One we celebrate. Not just this month but every day of every month. He is Immanuel....GOD WITH US.

I am clinging to the promise today that HE IS WITH ME.

He is more than just a fun thought for Sunday. He is worthy of our praise, today and every day.

Love you...hope that this finds you well.

Immanuel.