Jack's Balloon Launch (2 years in heaven) Part Two

(yes, I do imagine Molly with Jack when I see her with any tinier people. She was so impatient with babies and toddlers for the first year after Jack died. She's gotten a bit better.)

be still my heart.

Happy Birthday, sweetie! I love you.

My friend, Cyndy Reese. her and I share this niece. isn't that fun? beautiful ladies.

my balloons climb higher...

Yes, sadly out of order...thank you for your patience.

The day was so rainy, chilly and gloomy. I was kinda glad about it because on the day that Jack left us, it was a beautiful sunny summer day. His 1st birthday, as you will recall from last year's launch, was a day very similar to 6.30.11. (although with drought-like conditions). Though the gloom and drear did seem to dampen my spirits for a time, it was kinda neat to imagine that the heavens were crying with us as we remembered our wild haired boy.  The balloons looked so peaceful ascending against the grey skies...and I imagine the day I get to really meet my little boy. Will he be a baby still?

What would his personality be like, down here? hyper and inquisitive, or quiet and introspective? what cute things would he be saying.

I think back on each of my 5 living children and remember the adorable things they'd do at the baby/toddler stages and kinda put Jack there. Will's little noises and inquisitive spirit, Ethan's fear of NOTHING and peskiness, Mel's need for constant approval and killer obedience, Levi's tender neediness and laid back ways, or Molly, good from birth and turning into toddzilla at 2?

I see you, Jack. I look at old baby pix of the sibs and see you.Your memory will live on for as long as I'm alive. I'm so honored to be your momma.

*Ashley, pictured with me right below gives me good insight. Becky worked with her at Gray Road Christian School. Ashley and I were both preggers at the same time, with little boys.
To make a long story short, I met Ashley that fall, when her Henry (who is absolutely beautiful) was just a tiny one and Jack, just a few days older than Henry, had gone home to Jesus.

This tender-hearted girl....ahhhhh. Just precious. She shared with me how, because of Jack, she would give Henry extra kisses and hugged him a little bit tighter. The tears and stories she has shed and shared with me are nestled deeply in my soul. The emails she takes the time to send to me are printed out and tucked into Jack's scrapbook. She has been one of the most precious gifts I've received, thanks to Jack's story. Love you, Ashley. Praying for you, your precious family and the little gift you expect this December. I am so thankful for you!

I love this perspective. I believe this is Natalie's version.

and another one of Natalie's versions...her adorable, non-stop hunk of a doll boy, Ryan. I should add here that Sophie, the vision in red, is NickNat's second child. 

Kim and Hayley King. So glad they were with us!

Will. pure handsomeness.

Ethan and Sophie...(yeah, I imagine him doing this with Jack. And seeing him with Nat's kids melts my heart.) There isn't a bigger hearted 17 year old boy anywhere else, that I'm aware of. Love this big teddy bear boy.

Knock out Ethan

Jamie's pic of Soph....this girl....can you say baby model?

Ryan and his Pops, Nick (Sparkman) long story.

Another heart melting, tear inducing picture. Uncle John, who is my husband's mother's older brother, loving on sweet Sophie girl. We love this man and his precious wife, Sherry. but you knew that.

Kelsie, who we also love, Ian and Austin.

breathtaking.

lovelies

Jamie's perspective. Guess who put the little Sully at Jack's spot? my heart just exploded! BOOM!!

Molly and Noah Deak. I'm pretty sure he's one of the cutest kids I've ever met. He will melt your heart! he's probably telling Molly that she should put the stick down, it isn't nice to mess with the graveyard trees. Maybe we should arrange a marriage for them?? Jill? Michael? anyone? 

David talking with the Deak family. That tiny blonde doll? That is Jill. There's a story there. I plan to blog about her very soon. Her husband, Michael, Sons Isaac and Noah and sweet daughter, Halle, are on my 1,000 gifts list. 

There just isn't enough time, blog space or pictures to adequately convey the emotions that come to the surface when I look at these pictures. And if I started naming people or making lists, I'd surely forget someone because there are just. so. many!

The teens are hosting their Bible study tonight so I'd best get back out with them but wanted to get these up for your viewing pleasure. 

Up next: well....tomorrow is Molly's sixth birthday party. I find that difficult to swallow. High up on her wish list? High heels. she wants no toys. she doesn't even play with them, really. She has started playing with her Bitty Baby more but really...she doesn't have time for toys. 

Until then...adios! thanks for visiting.

Jack's Balloon Launch (2 years in heaven) Part One

Our friend, Robin, Gma to li'l G and momma to Myssi and Mariah etc.

these pictures will probably be somewhat out of order because I'm  "lifting" them from 3 different, amazing photographers. I will try to lump the pre-launch, launch, and post-launch pics together.

Tom's perspective. love.

Momma got to go first. 

Mel and her group of good girls.

Jamie...another one of the amazing photogs and priceless friends that celebrated with us.
Sully and Jack.

My good friend, Kellie, her hubby, Joel and my sister's back side. unfortunately, Beck and I never ended up in a pic together, but it's ok. We take so many selfies, right, Dad?

Come to Jesus, and live.

David, my love.

Kurt and Betsy Pershing fam, Mancilla fam. Myssi is, by far, one of the cutest li'l preggers you will see. Such a blessing to have them (Adam is next to her) with us...that little bump brewing there? that is Greyson's little sister...remember li'l G? Baby B is due this month.

until we meet again!

so glad to have this chick with us...Cyndy...my first friend in Indy and my sister's sis in law. Love you, friend!

Ryan. precious.

Levi. adorable.

me.

all of them. amazed.

him. awesome.

Li'l G's auntie, Mariah B.

I'm only about 11 days late on this.
I'm just so inspired and amazed, thankful for the people that came out to remember Jack Oliver Young with us. I still just shake my head and praise the Lord.

I had three gifted photogs there, snapping away, making memories in their own special way. Jamie Reese, Natalie Shipman and Tom Greenhill. Three very special people to me and to my family.

just shakin' my head.

I will post more tomorrow or Saturday, or a week from now....

Thank You, Lord.

I have more pictures to blog but I think for this night, I shall turn in. Between VBS at our church this week, an unusually (ok, well it's becoming so NOT unusual) busy, crazy, chock full week with David's work/company etc etc, trying to live life and do the kid thing...I tucker out quickly at night. or say, by 4 p.m.

I need a vacation.

I sincerely hope that this finds you doing well, basking in the Lord's goodness and blessings.

Love Laurie

Birthday girl week

I hope to be back to post later. David and I are heading outta town for a quick li'l getaway. He has an early morning appointment in Lafayette so up we go!!

Enjoy these little glimpses into the life of our precious Molly Christine. She turns SIX this Tuesday and I just love looking through the past years remembering our girl.

Happy Birthday, little sprite!

JOY and peace He brings

Hi.
How are you?
I hope you are doing well.
I have something I wanna tell you.
My life changed on Thursday June 30. 2011.
I thought I was welcoming my sixth child, and I did. but not in the way that I expected.
I still, on the eve of Jack's second birthday, cannot believe that he didn't make it.

He didn't make it here...but man oh man, he's made it.

You can too. Because of Jack, my eyes were opened. really opened. to so many things, my own self most importantly.

that sounds selfishy doesn't it? what I mean though is that my eyes were opened to the condition of my heart, to my life and to just how much I wasn't living my life for Jesus.

If you knew me then, you'd say (to me anyways) "Ohhhh, but you were a Christian, you went to church...you homeschooled your kids, you prayed as a family and read your Bibles"....and on and on you could go. And I would've agreed with you back then...

so clueless.

I'm not saying that the Lord took Jack to "teach me a lesson". I won't know that here or ever, for that matter. But for whatever reason, Jack died. What a sad situation I find myself in. Yes, I weep for him regularly (like tonight for example...on the eve of what would've been his second birthday) and wonder why this happened and relive that day so many times throughout my days. Like when I cleaned out the tub he was born in, earlier today. oh man.

I do know this. I prayed for the Lord to do a work in my life, and in my heart before we even considered having Jack. It's been a very long process and it has taken some very unexpected turns but I praise Him for each painful, joyful, sorrowful, triumphant step...He is shaping me into a vessel fit for HIS use. far from perfect but looking upward each and every day.

I find myself wanting to fill my days with talk of Him. To be sure that the ones I love and call friend or family KNOW Him. really know Him. Really put off the things of this world and put on Christ. His Yolk is easy and His burden is light.

All that the world offers is death and indulgence, wickedness and denial. Selfishness and separation.
Jeremy Camp's song "Give me Jesus" has become a very important song to our family...go check it out on Playlist. Simple but profound...In the morning when I rise, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, just give me Jesus.....

Chris Rice's Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)...is Jack's song. go give that a listen too.

We have a playlist of sorts that we all use to praise and worship our Heavenly Father...Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons (which goes along so nicely with Ann Voskamp's 1,000 Gifts). The last verse of that song, I can barely choke it out..
"And on that day, when my strength is fading, the end draws near and my time has come. Still my soul will sing Your praise unending....10,000 years and then forevermore!! FOREVERMORE! Bless the Lord, Oh my soul....Oh my soul, worship His holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul, I'll worship Your holy name."

side note but really so not a SIDE note!! >>>isn't it just so cool to know that my little boy is in the presence of his Creator and Heavenly Father?? and that one day, I will be with both of them. he's probably met Keith Green, Jim Elliott, my relatives, Pastor Mills, Tim, Ramie,  Lydia, Boston, Savannah, SULLY, and so many others!! that blows my MIND!

My direction is moving forward...I'm being shaped and molded by the Lord Jesus Christ. it's a little bit painful. but totally worth it.

Tomorrow, I will recall that sweet sweet boy....I will smells smells and recall steps and shock, the feeling of being HELD and on holy ground. I will rejoice that, though I wish he'd stayed, He is such a lucky lil ducky to not have to endure splinters, spankin's, Obama, fights, tears, Molly...I could keep going.

At six p.m., Sunday June 30, 2013, we will be meeting at Forest Lawn, at Jack's spot...to release balloons. I suspect we will do this every year. I also suspect that we will have different people over the years. I probably won't cry there because, as I did last year, I've cried enough this week, and tonight, to make up for crying on the spot.

When the balloons are released and we've all cried and sniffed and said goodbye to Jack's lil spot...we will head back to our house for some refreshments, hang time and swimming if it's not raining or chilly. If you can make it, we'd love to have you. If you can't, it's totally understandable.

Thank you for letting me ramble on and on here...thank you for visiting my blog and for encouraging me in the ways that you do. I consider it a great treasure.

I will be back later with pictures and more chopped up thoughts.

Happy night before your 2nd birthday in Heaven, little Jack the Bear. We miss you so so so much!

Because of your life, my life is richer, deeper, more purposeful...

the little boy that follows me..

in reference to the above title...I found a story on one of the babyloss sites I visit...written by a mom of a little boy who left...and it's sad, precious and somewhat hopeless. If left to my own devices, I would wallow more...and somedays I do...but I am anchored in HOPE.

This picture was taken on June 30, 2007...roughly nine days before Molly's arrival. oh the things we take for granted...like, living babies. I am so blessed to be the mother of six of the most amazing kids in the world. Each one so unique and chock full of memories. (YO, Big lady!!)

this was taken right before my due date two years ago...that little boy had a knot in his cord. it caused him to die. I still just can't believe it. almost 730 days later, I still just can't wrap my head around this part of my story.
We are so many days out, and most of the time, it seems like someone else's life.
If I really engage my head, I go to that place where once I'm in, I can't step back out the door.
I have to relive those sacred moments.
The sheer and utter pain that that beautiful, valiant boy, never ever took a breath outside of my womb.
and just how perfect, precious and adorable he was.
I'm a puddle on the floor when I go there....
Most of the time, I can squint and only remember tidbits.

I drive by the fire department that took him EVERY DAY.
I see an ambulance and I freeze. cry. pray.
remember.
always remember.
wonder what the EMT's were thinking.
David...as he watched them work on his clone.
I'm sure he was floating on the sacred bubble.
man.

how I couldn't wait to kiss his rib-violating feet and smell his hair and baby breath.

Man.

I can't believe it.

So these are the days that I start to really recall those days, leading up to thee day.
10 days till we launch balloons heavenward.

And all I can really do at this point is just thank the Lord for this road...and pray that because of Jack, we can encourage, lead, point others to Jesus Christ.




Help me, Jesus Christ...You're our only hope. Praying that the days to come are chock full o' hope.

up, up and away

I will blog more on this picture above at another time. but I will tell you that they are from a lovely balloon launch for an even lovelier little girl. Yesterday was Greyson's first birthday.

I'm pretty sure no parent ever wants to celebrate their baby's first birthday this way. I mean, it's a beautiful thing to do, but I know li'l G's momma and daddy would've rather watched her squash a tiny cake or toddle around all of her aunts and uncles. Please continue to pray for this family.

If you have the ability to do so, love, snuggle, cuddle and hug your babies. I hear of so many people that have to say goodbye to their kids. Why does it seem like it happens so much more often? Just more aware, or people put us in touch with other folks that have gone through a similar loss...for whatever reason, I'm thankful...I don't always (usually, ever) get it, and sometimes I feel "stronger" than other times...but mostly, just learning to trust Him more and more every day.

Thankfully, we have HOPE, which is as an anchor of the soul, sure and stedfast...Jesus Christ.

Another name I never want to be ashamed to say.

Praying for the M family
Praying for Shellee and Duane and all 10 of their li'l birdies in their nest
Praying for friends that I know are eagerly, if not anxiously, awaiting new arrivals.
Praying for special people that have encouraged and lit the way for me in this babyloss community, like Lori Clark (Matthew's momma), Jamie Reese (Sully's momma), and many, many others.
Praying for my brother, as he prepares to move his family to Indy. And for my sister, who is flying out to CA to drive back with him.
Praying for friends that I don't get to see as much as I'd like to.
Praying for my cousin in MI who stepped on a nail and needs surgery...


I could seriously go on and on. Someday, I will be able to do so, when I am old and feeble and I sit here and wait for grandkids to come and visit me, or for someone to come and feed me and take me out. Haha.

Until then, seize the day. Choose JOY. Watch what you say. Show love to the ones you are blessed enough to have. Praise the Lord.

He is worthy.

Good evening to you.