Livin' the JOY-filled Life

Pictures for ya!

2012-01-26T13:46:00.000-06:00

7 UP

Are we there yet? are we there yet?

I'm just pretty sure that I could never tire of this power, beauty and display of God's creation

a different perspective of beach life.

clam shell parking lot at King Neptune's diner

there is plenty more where these came from but alas, I've stolen these pix from my FB and downloaded them to my phone. The rest of the Fort Morgan grandeur and history will have to wait till I return home.

Go karting is fun in any state. though we were the only people here, so that was kinda creepy.

You'll be in my heart forever.

plum tuckered. she plays hard all day long.

Grams retaught Levi not to be afraid of the water....it's almost kinda like riding a bike. sorta.

lotsa jellyfish...and no, we don't eat their goo here...

Lu Lu's over priced but very cool and Jimmy Buffet-y atmosphere...lotsa alcohol and overpriced everything.

my camera on my phone does take an occasional amazing picture. THIS is one of them. reflection of clouds and such in the surf. wow. how can one deny God in this locale?

Molly runs the entire time she's on the beach. David kinda does too.

Hey, I found some pics for you. I'm blogging on a PC, which is also not like riding a bike. I've had to reteach myself how to do this. My dad, blog follower #1, has informed me that I need to blog a little bit every day...so it's on...the challenge, I'll take it.

so, on that note, I will be back, tomorrow...and hope that those of you in the frozen tundra are enjoying small bits of JOY in your day. I'm going to put my flip flops on and go to the store with my momma. After the storm lets up...I so wish you could see what I see right now...crashing waves, water that goes on forever, and mist in the air. I just love the beach...I'm gonna be a beach bum.

Still here...and a 30th Thursday to boot.

2012-01-26T13:07:00.001-06:00

Ok, I'm trying to finagle a way to get some pix on my blog..but we don't have wi-fi access for the computer at the condo, except on my parent's computer...and of course, they don't have my pics on it.

soooo, just wanted to say HI to my awesome blog friends and to let you know that I'm working on getting some pix on here...we are having such a good time...today, we are just lazing around and we've been down to the beach, swam in the pool, Bible time, lunch....good times.

Today is Jack's 30th Thursday with Jesus. I'm sure we don't even care about Thursdays in heaven but down here, we do. So I took a walk on the beach for my boy today, with my older boys...who just happened to take off and run 2.5-3 miles down the beach to a private pier. I realized that it was my first time to have ANY time by myself. Of course, I enjoyed some sunshine (which is gone now, since we just had a rippin' coastal storm) and all of the incredible waves, and talk cried to the Lord about how I'm ok but I'm just sad that Jack isn't here with us. Not for him, naturally, but for us. How different this vacation would have been if he'd been here with us. I'd have more of an excuse to take naps...Molly's outgrown them but man, if she doesn't still "need" them (grumpy, moody little punk :D)

bittersweet for sure.

I really think I could be a snowbird. I don't want to leave my midwestern home, too many memories and good people around there that I love...but just for a change of scenery and pace, I'd come down for a month or two.

I love the Gulf...I love all the waves, and how the sun shines thru the clouds...how old men set up fishing poles and sit for hours, just fishing. I love that you can walk for ever down on the beach and it just never ever gets old.

I also love this condo and the fact that my parents have made it available for us. Thank you, Mom and Dad....you have been so patient and accomodating to our big brood. I love you guys...this has been memorable and I'm reminded of just how cool my parents really are...

I also love the full length mirrors in each and every room...reminding me that, yes, I'm a mom, so I'll never be a rail thin person (not that I ever was) but I can see the areas that I need to work on, which, in turn, makes me so thankful for my hubby, who is dedicated to my health and will do whatever he needs to do help me achieve weight loss. Thanks David. Thanks for being such a good vacation taker....so many things to be grateful for.

I love my kids...I love the big 3, that are so helpful and loving of Levi and Molly....the ride down was, as excpected, slightly unnerving in some spots for the sheer fact that we are traveling with a four year old and nine year old...and Ethan, Will and Mel were simply amazing. Thanks Guys...you're all gifts. (of course, right now, as I blog, Molly and Levi are driving me batty, not gonna lie...bickering, whining, bugging for things that I've already told them they couldn't have...blah!!)

All righty then..I'd best go so I can figure out how to transfer some pix. But really, I think I will have to wait till we get home to put my official pix on here. Until later, LY

these are my babies. thank you, Lord.

2012-01-20T08:20:00.001-06:00

Sept 1996. Ethan was a cherub. This is how I imagine Jack would be..maybe not as roly poly.

I love my Mummy. I'm still not sure what happened to this shirt.

funny kid.

Mel and Levi...she's all Princess Leia'd up for the opening night of Episode III

the gnawing I referred to in the previous post. and funny, because it's exactly four years ago today that this was taken. awww. I'm all verklempt.

who, me?

A classic Melanie

Valentine's boy...

Mugsy Levi

My baby messing with Becky's baby. Molly had the seven week advantage for sure. Sorry Nora Bean.

sweet Jack.

this is one pic of Jack that I can look at for longer than 10 seconds. maybe 20.

the depth of my sadness can't be contained. but my Lord knows the way thru the wilderness...

check out that pointer finger...this boy had some amazing fine motor skills.....and maybe slight OCD.

sweet Mel

my little Muppet, Levi

never was there a happier firstborn boy of a Greenhill or a Young.

Oh those eyeballs.

see what I mean about Jack having a constantly open mouth? all of my kids just breathe in life...so I know he would have too. seeing these makes me miss him even more than I already do. incomprehensible.

There ya have it....I had to post a few of my favorite pix of each kid. Of course, there are so many more where these came from...I have been given so many gifts. I cherish them...even the sad, gut wrenching ones...

I don't know God's plans at the moment, but I don't have to. Happy Friday.

Valentine addiction, homemade noodles and visitors from Nola

2012-01-20T07:57:00.001-06:00

Beware, I am addicted to Valentine's Day...not just because I gave birth to my handsome son Ethan on this day (almost) 16 years ago....gasp!....but because I love all things red, pink, hearty, cupidy, lovey dovey.
And I am NOT a lovey dovey person...

all that to say...Pinterest is dangerous...you can go on there and find just about anything you would like to find. Thankfully, I'm only looking for crafty, family oriented things. You do have to watch out though because people can be crude and nasty and will PIN just about anything you could imagine. Pinterest, you need a filter. just sayin.

I have found all of these adorable OLDIE V-Day cards and I'm hooked.
Love them.

This is the one I plan to give to David...he loves popcorn. And he's corny. LOL. just kiddin', honey.

Thanks to Aunt Sherry and Uncle John (see below), some of the best folks around, Mel and I were able to get our hair/brows taken care of this past Tuesday. I love this girl...she took this pic with her phone but it has quickly become one of my new favorites. Not because of my gigantic nose but because it just shows that we can enjoy each other's presence, even in the midst of cold weather, lots to do and life in general.

These kids love this sweet lady! And I'll admit, she's one of my absolute favorites. See the pan on the stove behind them? yeah...there is some homemade chicken and noodles in there. Made by Aunt Sherry? Nope...Uncle John's the noodlemaker in their home. (I love that!!) and boy, were they tasty! I think that is one of my comfort foods. these guys are some of my comfort people. (Uncle John isn't pictured. my bad)

Molly has big dreams of one day becoming a Jedi Knight. Here she is in the traditional Padawan (apprentice) garb of the defenders of peace in the Galaxy. (Or just one of my sweaters but man if this doesn't look like a Jedi robe. I love Obi Wan Kenobi and yes, I'm a Star Wars geek)

OOOOh, so cute.

'Twould??? ha ha...I always talk like this so this one was especially hilarious to me.

awwww. pure love.

GOOD MORNING!! Man, is it cold enough for you??

I shall be blogging from the sunny, warmer shores of Gulf Shores/Orange Beach, AL TOMORROW!

I am really looking forward to this. immensely. HI MOM AND DAD...see you very soon. Hello warm (ish) sandy beaches, gulf sunrises and sunsets, and dolphins...goodbye, for now, old man winter.

Today is first weigh in after a week of Jenny Craig. I will admit, it was a lot harder to get back on this diet this time around. I'm so thankful for it, though, and thankful for the boundaries it sets up for me. I still manage to break them occasionally but it will be my first consultation with my new chick, Jean, and hopefully she will dish out some tough love to this girl.

Pray for my sister....she has been sick for almost this whole week. Get well very soon, Beck. Love you.

Yesterday was the 29 week mark since Jack left us. Grief. It never leaves. Even in those moments where you "kinda" forget, it's there. He'd be 6 months and 3 weeks on this coming Monday. We visited this grave yesterday...so weird. David and I talked about what we thought he'd be doing right now. Raspberries, drool, smiles...he'd be teething, for sure, so he'd be gnawing on anything. Remember when Molly used to gnaw on my chin? I will have to find those pics...or I could just go back on here to Jan/Feb of 2008...since I won't have those earthly memories of Jack, I imagine him being like his big brothers and sisters. I'm sure his mouth would hang open like Levi's always did...or that he'd go after Cheerios with his pointer finger (amazing fine motor skills) like all of them have. A smattering of adorable freckles like Molly? yes indeed. Definitely Ethan's pesky streak and love for all things weapon (eventually, not at six months, geez).

I miss that boy. I laid in bed and tried to imagine how it felt that last month to have him in my ribs...he was so long and lanky. I cleaned the tub that I had him in, yesterday...good therapy? I dunno....weird to think that there is ONE spot on this earth where I can go to, and know that my life changed forever here. it's my one spot with Jack, where he was near. And it's in my house. Unsettling...but the tub was really dirty since the boys don't know how to use Comet cleanser on it, apparently (love you guys!!) :) so I break down and do it every month or so.

Ok, well, my appointment is coming up very quickly and I have so very much to do before we leave FOR THE BEACH!! soooo I'm outta here. Tashena, hopefully I will get a chance to run over and say hi to you today. I can't believe this week is OVER and I DID NOT get to come over....ahhhhh.

Happy Trails....

I had to edit this picture (this is my bad angle. ha ha) and almost forgot to put it on....This is Stephani and her son, Cohen. She lives in Louisiana with her family. She went to school with my sibs so I don't think I ever "knew" her back then but we've become friends on FB. She was in town for her son's first birthday so we met up at Sbux. Thanks for taking the time to visit, chick! Monkey man is very cute and I appreciate your encouragement.

oldies but goodies...

2012-01-16T23:28:00.001-06:00

October 11, 2003...aww. such cuteness.

same as above. this porch is different now...

spring of 2003...this is the room that is now ours (mine and David's)

shortly after Levi was born...awww. I'm biased but man alive if my brood of kids isn't stinkin' adorable...

ha haaaaa this one is funnnn. This was our first Harvest Party/Levi's 1st birthday in 2003 and darn it if Becky and Scott weren't hilariously awesome as a Pirate and his wench.

Hi.

How are you? doing very well, I do hope.

I have lots of blogging catch up to do...but as usual, I'm too tired to do so tonight so for your viewing pleasure, Dad, Tory, Tashena...the rest of you...here are some flashbacks and highlights of my life.

there is plenty more where these came from...

until then, adios...my coffee has worn off and I'm heading to La La Land, with butterflies and little wild haired angels floating nearby...

I don't know about you but I looooove the retooled blog background.

makes
me
happy

Godspeed...(what does that mean, exactly?)

winds of change....what's that smell?

2012-01-13T14:10:00.001-06:00

I know, I know...that was just bad...

I am in the midst of changing things up a bit...doing some things to "improve my situation". Not that my situation is all that bad...but I'm not taking super good care of myself...

One of the things that I'm doing is getting a hair cut on Tuesday. No color...just cut. Beck and I will be doing the "at-home color experiment" again and I'm sure I will take some pix of that because I know you out there in cyberland will just be dying to know how this will go. Hang tight. It's sure to be a good time...

Now, this picture up above...I'm not a fan of Ms. Aniston...but she is always so pretty and her hair is always so wonderful...and is it just me, or is she looking her age FINALLY too?? whew....don't get me wrong, on her old days and such, she will always APPEAR physically more superior than me...and that's ok.

why did I say all of that?

I'm not sure...such a dingbat, really.

haircuts, and taking my health seriously - it's what's for dinner, folks.

In other news - my parents are enjoying their time down south and we are looking forward to our trip down very soon. We miss you, Jim and Joan. we really do...it's weird to think you aren't 30 minutes away.

yesterday was the 28 week mark since Jack flew home to Jesus...I almost crashed (good thing I was on old country roads, by myself) the car, sobbing for our boy. wishing to have seen his eyes... waves of grief. even still. waves of grief in a sea of why. God is in control...say it with me...God knows and holds my every tear.

David is down in French Lick today. It snowed here a little bit. The cold finally arrived and quite frankly, I'm ready for spring. Granted, I will try not to whine as much as I did last winter (forgive me Jack) but I truly believe that the older I get, the more I dislike this stuff. Maybe growing up in MI helped me to get here sooner. My southern friend, Tambo, loves this stuff. I chalk that up to her southern roots!! it works.

Mel is going tubing in Cincy tomorrow. That makes me nervous. She is excited. Will is driving more and more, he and Ethan drive themselves to class. So weird. They even drove themselves to our dentist yesterday (no CAVITIES!! boo yah!) and then home. I'm loving it but still, it's true...having kids means your heart is walking around outside of your body. This is never more true than when they start to drive. Right Mom?

Levi is awesome...he really is. He grows and blossoms more every day. He exercises every other day and really does well with math. I'm sure that will change when he gets older.

Molly keeps on tinkling in her pants. it's kinda weird. and stinky. she will love that I posted this someday. ha ha. o well...she's simply adorable though.

Uh oh...I'm going to get deep here...you've been warned...

I see so many people struggling all around me. I do too. One of the clearest things I'm learning since Jack's tragic, brutally painful death is that it doesn't take much to lose focus...but it doesn't take much to get your focus back either...I am fighting for JOY...and I'm trying to keep my eyes turned toward Jesus Christ. If I start to recall that June day, I panic a little...and I have to verbally remind myself to put myself at Jesus' feet...we lose focus in the everyday things like fighting kids, money being spent quickly, gas prices, what this person or that person said on FB, whatever....we want to drown our sorrows in booze, or treating our loved ones, kids like crap, or coffee, or this sport or that person or activity....when what we really need to do is turn our eyes upon Jesus. Those things are temporary fixes...let me just encourage you to take your eyes off of yourself and point your face toward something bigger, something more powerful and redeeming.

Praying for Thao Nardoni today...check out his page on Facebook...Thao Nardoni Updates...this little boy is five and is fighting for his life.

I weep...

Happy three day weekend...hug the ones you are blessed to be around...cherish them. Watch your mouth, sing praise, pray, smile when you feel like frowning, get over yourself. (listen up, Laurie)

Sully of the Cheeks

2012-01-13T13:48:00.003-06:00

One year ago this past Wednesday, January 11, my friend, Jamie's, son, Sullivan, met Jesus face to face. SIDS...makes no sense. hurts so badly and to the very core.

gotta love this little mugsy. Praying for my aching friend...you are missed by so many, Sully and we rest in the knowledge that we will see you again.

Until that day,
those of us down left behind

note: I did this post Wednesday 1/11/12 but apparently I didn't hit post...hence, the edits and today's date.

hee hee....I get the hint...

2012-01-09T10:37:00.001-06:00

Molly and Nora's sleepover, Dec 30, 2011

Jack's Garden on Saturday, January 7, 2012

Beck made me this cool bookmark.

Tory, you make me laugh. I was out taking a walk on this beautiful January day with my lovely daughter, Melanie, when your comment came thru to my phone...I've got a few pix to transfer from my email to my iPhoto so I will definitely work on that later today, after piano lessons and the like.

In the meantime, dear cousin...thanks for checking in on me, holding me accountable and such. My dad already informed me, all the way from Gulf Shores, AL, that I needed to get "to blogging".

My poor neglected blog. whatever has it done to deserve such neglect?

On a positive note, the sun is shining here in Indiana today and we are back to our (mostly) regular schedule, minus karate for this month, as we will be vacationing on the Gulf at month's end...I'm ready for some routine. And maybe some springtime.

Until later, dear cousin and others, have a lovely Monday.

long overdue...

2011-12-30T09:24:00.000-06:00

almost forgot sweet Melanie.

Christmas at the Zoo on Dec. 21

The California kids. Duncan, 10, Charlie, 8 and Phebe, almost 6.

The Midwestern girls....Piper, 7 and Nora, 4.

More Midwesterners...Ethan, 15, Molly, 4, Levi, 9, Will, 17 and Melanie, 13.

I love a group shot...gotta love that we are all looking at the camera!

Canal Fun on Christmas evening...

So the quality isn't fantastic but the fact that most of my parents grandkids are in this shot is pretty cool. Beck and I definitely felt the void of not having Jack in these pix. I love that she knows and voices exactly what I'm thinking. A nice addition he'd have been...so we walk on, with JOY in our midst.

Let me explain...the flash on Beck's camera is blinding...she hadn't warned me to blink long before she hit the shutter...so I think I'm partially blind here...

Andrew & Pheebs

Will with sibs and cousins

We were so glad to have Uncle John and Aunt Sherry with us to celebrate this year! Imagine the stories going around our table....with my dad and our uncle...never dull!

magical Jack tree...

We got Just Dance for the Wii.

Mel and I with a giant (Jack) butterfly at the canal. yes, these pix are sadly out of order.

Andy's kids at the Circle of Lights. We gave up by this time...

yeah, like I said, way out of order....canal fun.

Molly Moo

Phebe

Piper

Nora Bean

Levi

Charlie

Duncan

Ethan, looking so grown up this year. man.

Will

Andy loves a good dance session...

Phebe and Molly really got into this game...

Mom is ready to leave, too much Christmas "sauce" for this ol' Baptist girl. I joke.

I know you are jealousss of our animal lids...that's ok. Target and Kohl's...that's where you can get 'em.

the canal. one of my favorite spots in Indiana. this area to the right? three bushes? David and I sat here often during our courtship...so fun to take our kids and family down there. such history.

speaking of my hubby, look at this agility...not bad for a guy that is close to turning 41.

Monkey boy Will. hanging from a bridge.

My charming brother in law, Scottyboy

This pic was taken on 12/29 by my sister. Piper spent the night with us and Molly spent the night with Beck and fam. Beck said that the girls played together like champions. I love that they have each other. love it, love it!

Yes, it took me forever to get back on here...that whirlwind weekend is over, thankfully and now we are on to a new week and a new year!

Welcome 2012!

but in actuality, right now? I need to leave again because we are in Lafayette, IN and going to see where David and Tom will be working tomorrow and Wednesday. Until I can get back here later? see ya....

yesterday started off so nicely...

2011-12-23T09:33:00.000-06:00

Regina, a friend from our homeschool group, American Heritage Girls and now piano. Her sweet daughters used to have their lessons right before Mel. We'd talk, catch up, remind each other that yes, we would make it through these whirlwind years of raising kids and all that requires. I stood with her, outside Mrs. S' house on a hot July day, telling her about Jack...probably one of thee hottest days of this past summers...and cried with her. I love it when people cry with me. Is there any emotion more pure? So vulnerable? It was hard to tell where our sweat ended and our tears started but we knew. Well, our lessons don't coincide any longer but I see her here and there. She made a special trip to piano lady's house just to give me this envelope packed with pictures of JOY she'd been taking. She told me that she and her daughters are on a quest for JOY and she has even documented it. How awesome is this?
The picture on the left, the red JOY with blue trim was a piece of trash she saw on the ground at the library. She said she started to grumble about someone littering and looked down....The silver cross that is pictured on a yellow leaf and the actual cross, taped to the inside of her card, was a piece of litter at a campsite. It caught her eye...she saw JOY. Ornaments on trees, name tags of employees at Archiver's, old cards she found in her stash...
Thank you, Regina. My heart swells with pure joy when I see this picture and the care and thought you put into this offering. Much love
(I'm not sure if she reads my blog but I will have to post this link on FB today)

Sweet little monkey boy...he had a rough day yesterday. Neighbors dog, though small, but very aggressive, bit Levi's left hand. We called Animal Control. I'm so aggravated with people that just let their dogs roam free. it's just not right. As if that wasn't enough...getting out of the car, he slammed his other hand in the door, pulling all of the skin practically off his fingertip. blood, tears and pain. Lord, please be with this little guy, coming out of his shell and dealing with much.

this little diva..man, we went to Piper's Christmas program last Thursday and she did a most excellent job!!! P, you are a beautiful girl and I am blessed to be your auntie.

Ok, well, I'd loooooooove to sit around and blooooooooog all day but I have. so. much. to. do.
We are having a party at my house tonight...an "I survived the stroke '11" party for my dad...an "I survived a horrifying loss" party for all the rest of us (I guess Dad could celebrate that too but stroke is trumping it for him lately)...kind of a celebration of all that is good and holy kinda thing.

SO, Merry Christmas, Merry Immanuel to you... God IS with us. that is ONE thing we CAN be sure of.

Much love,
L

blog posts for later:
~the year in review: sure to be full of laughter and tears.
~the party my parents are throwing here at our house tonight
~a low key Christmas Eve

Edit: I got done with this post. I went downstairs, realizing I needed to get our card and small gift out to our USPS carrier. Darn it. She already came...she brought a slew of cards (thank you!!) and a letter from the White River Township Fire Department. This is the ambulance company that transported Jack to Comm. South. They had sent us a few bills, addressed to Jack Young. While I like seeing his name, I was always sad and felt a little sucker punched to receive that piece of mail. (dealing with our union insurance has been challenging but we were appealing the process to get Jack onto our insurance...blah blah blah). Very nicely last month, when I sent in our required agreed to amount till we could re-submit, I asked them to PLEASE stop sending the bill in Jack's name, it is very painful thankyouverymuch. I was very nice but straight to the point...

today...oh today...I received a letter from the FIRE CHIEF. I imagine him, sitting at his desk, signing the letter he had dictated to his secretary and maybe shedding a little tear for a family, missing their last little lamb. I can't even type this without crying...telling us how sorry they were and that the account has been put at ZERO! I will blog more about this later...but I need to go thank the Lord for showing us, daily, how POWERFUL He is. how amazing, all knowing, ever present and worthy of our praise.

To God be the glory...great things He hath done...

a chock full posting...

2011-12-14T09:40:00.004-06:00

there it is...the tree of wonder. ha ha!

kids kids everywhere...

As Becky pointed out, Molly's legs look so stocky in these tights. love it...

Molly kept flipping her hair...Levi didn't. but he did suchhhh a good job!! He kept his head up, he sang (we heard him, by golly!!) and all of the kids did a really good job!

I love love love that I caught this pic of Molly. My brother's pictures are more clear and such but I have to download them from Facebook (so if you wanna see more, go to my Facebook wall and I will hopefully have posted them by the time you get there. unless you are friends with my brother, then you can go to his wall...) From where he was sitting, Molly kept ending up behind the mic pole...From where I was sitting, I got to see this! Isn't she a hoot? She's a natural performer. Who knew??? Levi looks a little more uncertain here but he did so well!

I loved all the hand gestures and motions that their director, Hannah, incorporated. She also did an amazing job. It is not easy to work with this many kids. and have them sound good even. but they did.

Sweet Pipes and Darling Norabean came with their momma...My parents and bro were in attendance too and my dad thinks he may have been having his stroke on the way home from here...more on that later. gosh. I tell ya.

an interesting angle on the JOY tree. Can I just say how amazed I've been at the outpouring of love and JOY from you, my friends, near and far? I really hope I'm not forgetting to blog or Facebook the kindness, and as I type, I know I've already forgotten to blog about Tashena, my lovely, glowingly pregs neighbor who is beautiful anyways but pregancy becomes her (HIIIIIIIIIII neighbor), and her gift of homemade hot cocoa, lip goodies, nail polish, body spray and a very cool JOY ornament that i need to remember to post also. whew...I'm outta breath...

a fun little craft that Mel and I made. she made one for her room and I haven't figured out where to put mine yet. it's right here by my computer. For the record, I don't tell people Season's greetings and Happy Holidays..I tell them Merry CHRISTmas. also, St. Nick is just a fun myth we tell our kids about but none of them have ever "believed" in him...they did that all on their own. (remind me to tell you about Ethan when he was in preschool, telling all of his 3 year old friends that Santa "wasn't real"!)

Jamie. sweet Jamie. One of the most thoughtful grievers I've ever met. She lost her sweet son Sully over 11 months ago and she has really come up alongside me, telling me what to expect and what not to expect on this ocean of grief...she never fails to warm my heart and send a card at just the very rightest of moments. I got this one last Thursday...love ya, girl. I am learning a lot from you. Amazed at God's provision when you don't expect it...yeah, if our boys had lived, even one of them, we wouldn't be friends.

Here it is...our first ever (after 18 years of marriage) family newsletter. David wrote it, I edited it and added some bits and used the printer paper that I bought on mega clearance 2 years ago. I've run out, so many cards I'm sending this year, and so I will have to get more today. I have about 50 more cards to send so hang tight.

So Hi.

I have so. much. catching. up.

I'm almost overwhelmed by it so here goes.

Do you ever envision something, a month, a celebration, an event, and when it arrives, it looks NOTHING like you imagined? yeah, I've had a lot of that this year....the biggest let down was on June 30th but you all know that.

I envisioned a very Martha Stewart December...nice, even speech...crafts abounding, treats baking daily, a clean house...always...and even tempers.

Then I woke up...not that things are bad or even non-fun around here...but trying to keep things clean, straight, non-gooey with Levi and Molly under foot is next to IMPOSSIBLE. We stayed home alllll day yesterday, got both levels of the homestead cleaned...and if I wasn't wiping something up or yelling upstairs for one of them to come get some item of junk they'd left on my level, I wasn't breathing.

Lots of "choose joys" under my breath yesterday. and I feel like we succeeded. it was a most pleasant day around here...I'm fun when my hormone levels are even. ha ha.

anyways....

My Dad, Jim, had a mild stroke on Sunday night. David's mom fell and broke her wrist on Saturday night. We learned of her fall on Sunday night and I told him, "Here we go, our parents are beginning to fall apart..." kinda jokingly, saturated with love and some trepidation....then we awoke to the phone call from my brother on Monday morning about my dad's slurred speech and such.

KA-BLAM!

it's such a weird place to be. I know I say that a lot. To face the vulnerability and pain of life. I know I should add a deep quote here, and I've heard many good ones, but none come to mind currently. (coffee hasn't kicked in yet) but to think of pain, fear, death...it's scary on a good day, having hope in Christ...I cannot fathom NOT having that hope. Knowing that I will see Jack again, knowing that I will see my parents, David's parents, our other loved ones who have gone on before and those that haven't yet...brings such comfort and makes these aches and pains seem a little less painful.

But my Dad is doing ok. he is tired today. but they are getting his meds regulated, running a few more tests and his regiment will be more strict...diet, medicine, rest, exercise...if you see him, he makes fun of himself for slurring or drooling. that is how he copes. I now know where Beck and I get our coping skills. I'm glad you're ok, Dad...so blessed by the way my Mom has sat there with him and just the example she has set of servanthood. I'm taking stock...I love you guys.

Praying also today for some friends from my OCA days...Mrs. Eastman, who is preparing to meet her Savior. Praying for Terri, Suzanne, David and Ed as they say good bye to their momma and wife...I know her jolly and cheerful disposition will be painfully missed but as Suzanne posted on FB, "sorrow but not despair". God bless you and give you peace and comfort today, Eastman family.

Can I say it?

Cherish your loved ones. Watch your tone...I have to apologize to my kids and spouse on a regular basis...

Hug hug hug hug hug...you can never hug, touch, kiss, smile at, laugh with your kids and loved ones enough. have fun. be JOYful, get over yourself. encourage, pray, sit still.... (I say all of this to myself today! everyday)

happy Wednesday...hugs!

someone got a hair cut...

2011-12-09T02:21:00.001-06:00

someone also looks a lot like her daddy.

It was somewhat difficult for the girl to get it right, because Miss Molly Moo kept moving...but it's a good thing that she has wavy, textured hair, so it's not too noticeable.

She's pretty cute. She's pretty serious.
I love this little mugsy.

just wanted to share this, since it's 3:23 a.m. and I'm still up, crafting, organizing, pulling my hair out because, well, just because.

I will have to craft my subway framed art tomorrow (which is today) because it's pretty darn cute.
Then I found one that had the names of Christ...oh my.
I love all of the names of Christ.
Jehovah-Jireh
The Lord Provides

wow.

good night.
err, good morning?
I dunno.

last Christmas

2011-12-08T11:54:00.001-06:00

David and I, Christmas evening 2010, after sledding. I was pregnant. surely Jack was too small to have put a knot in his cord with all of that sledding, right?

I checked with my midwife...got the ok. obviously, I couldn't lay on my tummy much but she said baby was well insulated. (and I know he was...)

All that to say, today is the 23rd Thursday since Jack left us. I miss you, sweet boy. How cherubic you'd be this Christmas. I have such a hard time with "Baby's First Christmas" stuff and it seems to jump out at me. Jack, I will always keep a remembrance of you, in every room, in every way. You are a part of my life, a part of our lives. You will never ever be forgotten.

most of the time, I can keep myself busy enough but tears, sadness and "what if's" hit when you least expect it.

like walking into a church service. singing "Oh Come, Let us adore him"...Jack wasn't Jesus but he WAS a baby boy like Jesus was. with a mother that loved him and loves him still. tears were just flowing...I wasn't even sobbing, just had tears rollin' down my face...

or when a sweet girl sings Sara Groves' song titled "He's Always Been Faithful"...and you know the hurt she has endured in her young life (her) and now the hurt you've endured in your not so young life (me)...and knowing that God uses these situations, oftentimes hard and sad...to shape and mold us to bring Him glory. ouch.

I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head today but this is the day that the real holiday rushing seems to kick in...so many events and things calling to us in the next two and a half weeks...trying to breathe, choose JOY, get my cards done, get a letter out to my lovely, caring cousin in NC, calendars made, gifts bought, kids run here and there (one consolation is that Will did PASS his driving test yesterday so he's all set to get his license and that fact, right there, brings this mother a lot of relief...and some anxiety)

So whatever you find yourself doing today, know that whatever you do, do with all diligence and joy, knowing that it brings a smile to the Lord's face. that, right there, is what keeps me going right now...God is teaching me a lot but one of the resounding things is DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY! SMILE! LAUGH!! CHOOSE JOY! it's the only way to go...

Happy sun-shineyThursday..

round two of Christmas pic treasures...

2011-12-03T14:42:00.001-06:00

we're losing it here...Molly's face.

see below for explanation. I do think I might have been pinching her here. I dunno...

I think I'm in total shock here...Molly, the one who will wet her pants 10 times a day, had to go to the bathroom. I tried to have her go on a towel (since we were nowhere NEAR a toilet here) and then resorted to telling her to just wet her pants. Yeah...nope, she was NOT going to hear of it. this was one of those moments, where I just had to laugh because I'd cry otherwise. ya gotta admit, she's pretty cute here...

after the bridge pix above, we ventured into the Indiana Gov't Building, and after getting scanned, Molly was able to use their restroom. I asked her in the stall if she could smile now and you should've seen that sweet freckled face light up.

THIS just might be one of my favorites because Levi and Molly are looking in opposite directions. priceless.

Outside the Eiteljorg Museum. whatcha doin Levi?

funny stuff.

weathering the storms of life together...he's aging well, lovin' the little scruff he has going on. I need help. 2012 will be my year (besides that, this is my last year in my 30's so I shall get myself on track, physically, spiritually, mentally)

I think David was supposed to hold his side of the O and I was to hold the other. we can't even follow directions. ha ha.

even though the evening sun was setting and creating shadows, I be lovin' this picture. love it!

Molly's got the JOY JOY JOY JOY ...

Mel's school pic 11-12

Will's school pic 11-12

Ethan's school pic, 11-12. He's a natural. He also got his hair cut very shortly TODAY. nice. he has great, thick hair though. We haven't figured out how to grow it out and get past the funk stage.

Levi's School pic 11-12. funny kid.

Molly's pic 11-12. Pre-K

love this gaggle of kiddos.

watch me now...

whoa!

David thought this scenario up all on his own...he's a hoot.

Old Man Winter...

...has stinky breath

Lately so much....

2011-12-02T10:29:00.001-06:00

He's nestled safely on the tree now but isn't this Snowbabies ornament, from Tammy O., the cutest little thing ever?

He's really tiny, his face is perfection and he even has a chubby little backside with teeny angel wings. Somehow, that picture didn't make it on here but you can see how small and delicate he is in relation to my phone.

My makeshift ad for my "new" scrapbook venture.

JOY is everywhere...even reflecting on my wall. awww.

I have so many pics that I need to transfer to my computer from my phone...so that will take me a few minutes but wanted to get these pix on here for your viewing pleasure.

Be back later...time for our Advent readings....

round one

2011-12-01T15:09:00.001-06:00

umm, who are those big kids flanking us?

This was our first attempt at taking our annual Christmas card picture...we took it on Thanksgiving last Thursday, which also happened to be 1.) the 21st Thursday since Jack departed and 2.) the day that our van was viciously broken into (scumbucket). Tom, you did a nice job...your subjects, well, they were NOT very cooperative.

We tried not to look too fearful but I think a new brand of fear was creeping into my soul this day.

In other news, today is the 22nd Thursday since Sweetie boy died. I can't believe it. I miss him and see pix of other people's babies at the same age and try to close my eyes, imagine what that doll boy would be like...just can't fathom this.

That is a story for another day...I have a few different blog posts that I want to get on here before I forget them forever...let me post them here so that I can remind myself, or so that one of you can remind me, say, in a comment? Tashena? Tory? anyone?

1.) The amazing JOY/Jack/butterfly gifts that I've received in just the past 3 days.
2.) Jack's garden
3.) Hopefully Round #2 of Christmascardpalooza of 2011. I have to say, I just LOVE Levi's face in most of those pics up there...but the last one is my fave. I might have been pinching him. We discovered that we needed to have lighter clothing on for the JOY letters to show up or implement them another way. So we are formulating. Our cards may not get out till closer to Christmas but we are working on them.

Since our van lock was popped, the driver side door will not open now. soooo, I didn't realize how much and effortlessly I hop in and out of our van till this. It's just one more of those things that I'm trying to smile about. Choose JOY ya know?

go check out Ann Voskamp's website at aholyexperience.com . I am loving her book "One Thousand Gifts", even though I read thru it earlier this year. I have a different perspective now (imagine that! gasp!) and discovered her site...which is cool. Check out her Jesse Tree download...that is something we've added to our nightly Advent reading/prayer.

Ok, gotta run...kids need to get to karate but I'll be back.

five months is a long time but not

2011-11-30T01:31:00.001-06:00

or should that be knot? isn't it crazy how my mind works? when I say "wrap up the vacuum cord" I think of Jack. I drive myself crrrrazy.

written on the shores of Lake Michigan, 8 days after Jack left us. I still replay his birth over and over in my mind. all day long, here and there. it never lessens in intensity and hurt. but that is when I feel the hands of God encompass me and I know I will be ok and that Jack Oliver is too.

I do too.. ...not sure what I clicked on, on Pinterest tonight, but this popped up. make your own baby toys. I'd like to.

Five months ago, right now, I was still carrying my very alive baby, Jack Oliver Young, safely in my womb. One would've never ever known that there were to be any complications. I assumed he'd be born vigorously, like his FIVE siblings before, safely, with a midwife in attendance (don't get me started on anyone that says ANY...THING against midwives, homebirth and the like...).

Never has a child been more prayed for. Never had we decided to give any of our children initials that would spell out anything...why now? why is it that everywhere I go, JOY is there? Joy, in the world's sense, doesn't mean the same thing as it does to me. If you see me weeping in the aisles at Menard's or Target, don't fret. I do that a lot lately. that deep, from the bowels sobbing comes up. Baby's First Christmas...Baby's First Thanksgiving. Cherish your babies, k? I want to take all that stuff, those bibs, those outfits and knock the racks over. Or drop kick the mommy who isn't thrilled with her baby, or who lets it cry, cry, cry and ignores him/her to satisfy their own selfishness...sorry.

JOY means that, even though something really sad, horrible, incomprehensible happened on that June 30th day...God can and will still bring JOY in the midst. Especially now, as we remember why we celebrate this season (though as followers of Jesus Christ, we should celebrate the gift of Himself upon that cross on a daily basis...), Mary and that little baby boy. Did she have that foreboding feeling that I did, knowing her Son would die?

I really should go to bed but I'm up preparing Advent stuff, perusing Pinterest (oh my word, that is an amazing website but be careful...it'll suck you in) and I have so many thoughts and plans, ideas and questions rolling around in my bumbly head. I don't ever mean to compare myself to Mary...ever. Just in that we are both mothers, who had babies.

As moms, empathy is so important. I always thought I was empathetic...but now. whoa. pshewwww. empathy = your pain in my heart. I am sure I've got a long way to go in the empathy department.

Tomorrow, home all day. Celebrating home life, my kids, the fact that my husband has work, crafting, schooling, and the missing life of our Sweet Jack Oliver Young. We miss you so very much, sweetness.

On Sunday, December 11, at 2 p.m., Forest Lawn Memorial Gardens on 135 in Greenwood is having a Memorial service, where the names of each person "entrusted into the care of Forest Lawn" will be read off. You can buy a dove ornament. Appropriately, the ornament says JOY. I am pretty sure no one else's initials are going to be on their ornaments. Just ours. God knew what He was doing when he prodded us to give that boy those noticeable initials.

I will end with this...and I will post pix and full story tomorrow...Kaye B., a girl I used to work with at the Baptist Temple Daycare (from 1991-1992), sent me two bags full of JOY ornaments and decorations that she's been gathering for a while now. I'm crying even just typing this...do you folks even realize what this means? The first ornament I pulled out...well, I'll just post pix and the story tomorrow because I can't see the screen right now.

Good night. Godspeed.

NOTE: wow. I just re-read this. forgive me. I knew my head was a mush-fest but this just proves that I am right about ONE thing. that my head is mush. but I mean every word I said. Love your kids, love your husbands, stay strong. Serving God is worth every little tear that falls. night night.

JOY in the journey

2011-11-28T21:43:00.001-06:00

love this wall vinyl from Denise. Thank you, sweet girl! It's right by my scrapbook desk.

sweet scrapbook paper that reminds me of my son. wish he was here. I wonder if his hair would've laid down eventually. I want to sniff his baby head so badly.

Jamie got this beautiful picture for us. shedding fresh tears of gratefulness. As she pointed out, if Sully and Jack had lived, we wouldn't know each other. yes, we want our boys here but we thank the Lord for putting us together. Thank you, Jamie, for this touching picture. seeing his name makes him seem "legitimate". He was here, he was prayed for, he was wanted and we love him.

Well, Happy Monday to YOU! If your Monday was as rainy and dreary as ours, then Happy may not be the most fitting word. Choosing JOY is a bit harder when the weather bites.

As you know, our van was broken into on Thanksgiving (grrrr!). I called our credit card people and the very nice rep asked me if I wanted to change the look of my card, that they have over 1,000 styles available to choose from...I told her to pick one for me, "surprise me" i told her.

I got my card today.

it has a butterfly on it.

coincidence?

I don't think so.

I think the Lord cares about me enough to send me little reminders that He loves me and that HE alone is in control of things. yeah, bad things happen to reasonably good people...and He uses these situations and seemingly bad things to draw us to Him. I'm being drawn. I don't want to live outside of His plan.

In other van breaking into news...David discovered on Saturday night that the thieves/creepers/jerks did in fact pop our lock. It's not noticeable, especially since we use a remote to open and close the Ol' Grey Mare. Doesn't that just make your skin crawl? yeah, mine too.

Christmas decos are going up slowly...I can't seem to move very quickly, as I stained the entire pool deck on Saturday (bent in half, mind you) and I can hardly move my limbs. Sorry about skipping out on you for an early morning rainy Monday walk, Tashena. I may be able to walk by week's end. but it's doubtful. ha ha.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for taking #1, #3, #4 and #5 home for me tonight....I love you.

Levi stepped on a sewing needle tonight. It was gruesome. He doesn't cope well with stabbing.

Ok, I'm going to take my scattered brain and go put more lights on ye old tree. Hope this finds you warm and snuggly...maybe listening to some Nat King Cole singing about chestnuts and JACK frost...like I am.

Good night and God bless you!

...with arms wide open...

2011-11-27T07:04:00.001-06:00

"the babies", as Becky lovingly refers to them. (I love that...)

Scott and Nora

Our family...we aren't sure who the creepy guy with the cigar and long hair is but he kept getting into our pictures. eeek.

Good thing we had Karate Man to protect us...

And the Phantom of the Opera....

Masquerade girl...

Sheesh, there he is again...in all honesty, David always creatively comes up with some costumed character that has everyone laughing. This one, though, has been his creepiest because he played the part so well. Thankfully, he is nothing like this guy in "real life". note: he did NOT smoke this Swisher Sweet...

My God is so Big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do...

gotta love blue frosting...Molly surely does. Nora shows her without flinching....

the Bandy's hosted a Daddy/Daughter Dance last week. David was out of town for his Uncle Kent's memorial so Uncle Tom stepped in. What. A. Guy.

Molly does a mad twirl....

Then a dip...and I don't mean Molly. What fun!!

This pic is for pure fun....I know these crazy bad things are happening for a reason. But it surely seems as if someone has it out for me and for us. Refiner's Fire is a painful thing sometimes.

Good Sunday Morning!

I really do not know where to begin. You'd think the pix above would give me a good shoo-in...yeah, no. they are all completely random and most of them were taken by my loving brother, Tom. Thanks Tom...as usual, your pictures are da bomb. Expect to see our family portrait above on our Christmas card this year.

I'm really just at a total and complete loss. Dealing with fear is like dealing with a great big, gigantic, unruly beast. David and the kids went out for a late night Cow Tail run last night and discovered that the driver's side lock was punched out of the door. How we didn't notice or the cop that filed our incident report, I dunno...it's not that obvious and we use our remote to lock/unlock the van. As if taking our purses and identification wasn't ENOUGH. CREEEEEP!

One might start to think that God has it out for us, or someone does. That God is allowing these things to happen to us. I believe that the latter is true. What is He trying to teach us? Complete and total reliance on Him. That this world is NOT my home, I'm just passing thru...people are "crafty" and wicked (I am NOT referring to ANY of my crafty friends...I mean crafty in the evil, space-invading, sneaky sense).

We are to completely and with arms wide open surrender our lives to Him...even when it makes NO sense. and when it hurts. and when there are thieves and robbers out there...which there seem to be a lot of...

So please, let me be an example to you...not of what NOT to do, but of what TO DO. keep going, keep trusting in Christ, keep PRAYING most of all. Because that is what I've been doing.

so I will (fearfully) embrace each day and take it for the gift that it is. (does NOT mean I will get it right most of the time, but that I will put on a JOYful face and bathe the day in prayer). When you see me, I've most likely just had a little crying jag...so forgive the lack of make up, or make up running down my face, or red eyes...or well, you get the picture.

Heaven just keeps getting sweeter every day...

Happy Thanksgiving, said with a grumpy tone in my voice...

2011-11-24T11:40:00.001-06:00

found this oldie but goodie on the computer today... remember when Molly cut her own hair? this is FUNNY! she also has binky mouth here...her bucky teeth have gotten better.

I really don't have the heart or energy to post about this morning's Drumstick Dash. Beck went with David, Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi and I. We had our purses/wallets stolen out of our van, which was locked.

Happy Thanksgiving?

Ok, well, here's what I AM thankful for, which, considering the past 5 months, was a stretch for me to find things (not really...I DO have a lot to be thankful for really) to be thankful for. Every thing seems to have a cloud of gray hanging over it. with little specks of light each day, in the form of my kids, David or a caring friend or relative, or an answer to prayer....or unexpected but well loved mail...

That the flippin' crooked thief didn't get all the money we had with us, which was stupid of us and very naive, to think these were the same days we lived in as children, and we can leave our identification/belongings in our cars. It's not safe out there, folks.

That my kids made it back to the van in one piece, no one was kidnapped or mugged.

That Heaven looks a little bit sweeter every. day. I'm. here. This world is NOT my home..I'm just a-passing thru...

One can't help but wonder what the Lord is trying to tell me...us?
I'm listening, Lord...I thought I had been, please reveal to me what You would like me to glean from this...

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours...God bless you!

Thanksgiving past...

2011-11-23T06:59:00.001-06:00

the Cunniff brood

"The Babies"

sad to think 1.) that we let our child play in a cage and 2.) that Gracie isn't here this Thanksgiving either. awww.

I actually remember thinking, while these pix were being taken, "next year, we will have another kid to fit in here...and won't that be fun???" I'm so sad that Jack isn't here but he will always be remembered in our pictures, from now on.

unfortunately for most, when Tom is walking around with his camer, Becky and I pose. it's better than the alternative (which is getting your picture taken while you don't know it and you actually look like we do up above, but while NOT knowing your pic has been taken...it makes sense to us)

Piper and two of her big boy cousins. Ethan is recently shaven in this. wow.

pretty girls

Hi.

This won't take long...I am out the door to get the Thanksgiving foods with my sister and my momma.

I wanted to let you know that if you comment on my blog, you were prayed for yesterday. a lot.

We had a day of Prayer, home all day, in the house all day, praying in big chunks of the day. Amazing how sleepy that makes a person.

Enjoy these pix from Thanksgiving 2010, when I was pregnant with sweet Jack, whose passing and remembering all the details of it, caused me great tears as I fell asleep last night. I wish there was a button I could push that would "dull" the pain of remembrance of that June day, only to be remembered when I feel stronger or whatever. I always want to remember him and I always will but recalling his birth experience, though beautiful because it happened so fast and he came out in under 2 minutes, is such a sad, holy experience. This is my story...

Even though I feel like my heart is being ripped out, I will praise You Lord Jesus. I cry, I wonder, I look UP.

Hope your Wednesday before Thanksgiving is a wonderful one. Hope to get some Drumstick Dash pix on here tomorrow. God bless you..

as we gather together...

2011-11-20T19:48:00.001-06:00

Melly and Ellie

My Starlet

found this ornament that Tammy had given me two years ago...has a whole new meaning this year. It actually amazes me how many JOY stamps and ornaments I already have...like I've been searching for JOY for many years.

we are in full speed ahead crafting mode...more to come on this later.

not sure why Levi was so glum. must be the horrendous blue socks.

such confidence as he cleans out the gutter

don't fall there, Daveyboy!

we be lovin' these stars...

I won't post much tonight...just wanted to get some more pix on before the whirlwind week picks up.

so many thoughts rolling around in my head...ting ting...can you hear 'em?

until then...Godspeed.

twenty

2011-11-18T00:01:00.001-06:00

sweet boys...

we went to Jack's grave today, to clean it up for the winter.

I don't usually cry because I'm out there so regularly...but I have my moments and it really hit me today.

This is not how I imagined this winter, last year. visiting my son's grave? making sure the trinkets and memorials that other's have placed out there are cleaned up, so the Forest Lawn peeps don't pitch it?

for real?

well, anyways...it has been 20 Thursdays now since Jack Oliver Young met Jesus Christ. so glad for him. such a raw deal for the rest of us until it's our turn.

wish you were here, sweetie pie. I really do. I just want to smell your sweet breath and play with your chubby legs.

In other news, I've been avoiding Pinterest for a while now...but went ahead and dove in tonight...ruh roh...I love it. oh man, do I!

I'm outta here...thank you for loving our darling boy with us.

JOY painting from Japan and around the house delights.

2011-11-16T18:05:00.001-06:00

This beautiful painting is a gift from my beautiful, faraway friend, Shellee.
Her fellow missionary friend, Rachel S., made this and there is a name for it and also, the Japanese spelling of JOY.
I had the pleasure of talking to my sweet friend on the phone last week.
She told me the name and I told her I'd forget (I was driving) so she is going to comment on this post, when she can. (no pressure, Shellee) to tell us the English word for this very gorgeous Japanese interpretation of joy.
She ended our convo by telling me that every time I looked at this painting, I'd remember that someone in Japan was praying for me.
Yes, she made me cry. I love you, Shellee. You are such a blessing to me, you can't even know how much.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sending this to me.

help. me.

Tashena, most of what you helped me accomplish in the later summer is still mostly in place. I just need to keep downsizing. keep. downsizing.

can't I just get rid of everything in here? Most of this stuff is the kids. egad, what a mess.

Welcome to my lair. enter at your own risk.

scrapbook explosion. do you think I actually got any scrappin' done? yeah, no. gotta organize first.

two spectacular views of the new JOY Ministries board.

This is the very busy view from the upstairs doorway. Legos, markers, scrapbooking, star-making,

My scrapbook desk. so sad. so small. I have plans rolling around in my jumbly head for what I'd like David to build for me.

So, hi there. Happy Wednesday to you.
I've been home. ALL. DAY! it feels soooo ooooo good.

I've not even made a dent in what I'd hoped to accomplish but I did get the leaves cleaned out from around the pool and sorta cleaned out Jack's garden, which reminded me that I need to take a pic of it with his new stone in place. I may get around to that in the near future.

Tomorrow is 20 weeks since Jack's departure and another busy Thursday. I am so ready for winter break. Scratch that. summer break.

Time's up...gotta keep moving. Plankton just said boogers on Spongebob. hee hee. that word is always funny.

Until the next post, which may even be tonight...we'll see.

Bloomington trip and Levi/Pa Birthday festivities!

2011-11-15T23:34:00.001-06:00

Daredevils...

shadows are cool

this stuff is not. even though I know it serves a purpose. eww. :)

Mel and Moll with the skeery guys

again

just Mel

Levi looks thrilled. He had to go to the bathroom badly

Ethan my boy

Willi Vanilli

preparing to indulge at the ol' Olive Garden

The October boys requested this trip to Bloomington

Guess who's NINE??

I think this was a self-portrait.

present time

Angry Bird pj pants. Levi loves to play this game on Mel's phone

Legos

I like this throng of female present passer outers

whirling dervish

pretty girls

best friends forever, or until one of them gets hormonal

We also celebrated Dad's birthday. His 64th in fact.

Cake friends

So, I'm a force to be reckoned with today, eh? two, count 'em, TWO blog posts in one day...and more just a-waiting in the wings.

Without further ado...here are the pics from Levi's birthday weekend, nearly two weeks ago.

Can you believe it's November 16th already?

Time to clean off Jack's grave for the winter, from what I hear. Isn't it weird that I even have to consider this?? Shouldn't I be worrying because he's drooling everywhere, cutting teeth, rolling around, fighting diaper rash and getting the Bumbo seat out?

it's just not cool that he is not here. we all miss him, we all try to find ways to keep his precious memory alive. I wear jewelry that has his picture on it or my bird nest necklace with six eggs, the word JOY on it. With Christmas quickly approaching, JOY is everywhere.

Can you believe that a child so bathed in prayer, even giving him initials that imply one of the fruits of the spirit, was not even given the chance to live outside of his mother's womb? Makes me wonder...God is up to something.

on that note, time for Gunsmoke, stars and hopefully bed. I have so many pix to blog...hint: Molly, with marker on her cheeks is my favorite upcoming picture...or the new metal covering we FINALLY put on the chimney flue hole...or all the stars that we are hanging all. over. the. house.

Good night. God bless you...hug your loved ones CLOSE, affectionately. We are never promised tomorrow.

crafting mode...

2011-11-15T16:19:00.001-06:00

LOVE this chalkboard wall...wishing we didn't have stucco on so many of our own walls...waaa.

I am in such a crafting, scrapping mood lately.

It doesn't help that my sister is too. Or that Melanie easily jumps on this bandwagon.

I have so many ideas rolling around in my head, from JOY ornaments and ways to implement Jack's initials, thus him, into each season, holiday and our daily lives, to notes and cards I want to give to someone having a birthday, anniversary or stressful time in their lives, and then scrapbooking, card making, ministering to others thru this venue.

My mind is a jumbled, sparkly, chaotic place to be right now.

Here are a few things I would like to pull out and share...

Chalkboard paint....discuss....

paper stars....discuss....

the start of JOY Ministries ... discuss.

organizing my scrap room...getting rid of EVERYTHING and making a space that can be used by all of us and any extras, to get our ministry going and to get my scrapbook biz off the ground. (this thought, alone, is making my head ACHE!!) A general, central crafter's room of sorts...

Ok, all that said...drop me some hints, give me some ideas, and there could be a bonus in it for you because I NEED HELP! Drastic help...

Gotta go help Mel with her Literature...until next time...peace, but not in my head.

thru the valley

2011-11-14T11:27:00.001-06:00

About one month ago, give or take, I had the pleasure of meeting a local missionary named Valetta Steel Crumley. A missionary friend that I've met thru Tammy K, gave me Valetta's book. Thank you, Dawn.

This is a picture of her book above. I have a couple copies if you want to read it...it is really wonderful!

Here is the condensed version of her story...

1.) She was a young pastor's wife with two little boys. Her oldest son, Danny, died from Leukemia when he was around the age of two.

2.) Ten years later, after they added another child, a daughter, to their family and traveled the world for Oriental Missionary Society (which is now called One Mission Society and is located right near here in Greenwood, Indiana), her evangelist husband, Henry, died from cancer after fighting it for six years. From what she said, he had a wonderful message he would tell everywhere he went that even though he had a "death sentence" so to speak, he was no different than you and I...we will all die. Where are you going to go?

3.) Ten years or so after that second devastating loss, Valetta's two teenaged children were killed in a car accident, due to black ice, in February of 1972. She mentioned to me that at that moment, with a cop at the door telling her about her children being killed, she felt like God was holding her. Holy ground. She told the cop that she knew where her children were.

4.) She became a missionary and was raped while overseas.

5.) She found out about five years ago that her name, Valetta, which her father had named her, even though they are not Italian and he didn't know what it meant, means "Valley".

6.) She met and married Dr. Al, a fellow missionary and friend, about 17 years ago...and gained a family.

7.) The testimony and love for Christ that she exudes, and the peace that passes all understanding, is a true testament to God's goodness. This kind woman lost everyone in her immediate family....and didn't curse God or leave her faith.

I am clinging to examples like this today. Not that I'm considering leaving my life, this life that God has given me, not even close but just to know that other's have gone thru and suffered great loss and still praise Him, Jesus Christ, in these storms.

We had the pleasure of meeting her again at the OMS Tuesday morning chapel meeting last week. Still serving God, well into her eighties.

Still so much living to do...only one life twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last.

nineteen

2011-11-10T08:46:00.000-06:00

I think when they measured Jack at Community South, they gave him an extra inch because of his amazing hair.

Sweet boy, I miss you more than words can say but you know that.

I found the audio clip I took of your heartbeat at my January appt with MH yesterday and admittedly, I sat and bawled. Such a great, strong, alive heartbeat. I bet you didn't have your knot at that point. I think you must've gotten it around the time I really started to feel fear, deep to my bones and very inner soul. I think that started in February. I wonder if God will tell me, when I get to heaven, what day that was. Questions of a momma's heart...

I can't believe that I didn't think to take clothing to the hospital for you...but so thankful that the caring nurses there put you in some clothes.

I want to put my finger in your hand and have you clasp your sweet little fingers around it. You'd be 4 and a half months old now...close to sitting up, definitely rolling over, and getting very excited and smiley when any of your big sibs came into view.

I feel sorta gypped by that today. :(

While visiting with my friend, Jen and her family the other day, I realized this. Her sweet baby girl, Leemarie (your intended wife) is almost 8 months old. When any of the big brothers or sisters came into her line of vision, she'd light up. She is precious. I had a nice little moment imagining what your face would be like when Levi would pretend that you were kicking him and falling over...belly laughs. Or when Molly would tickle you under your neck or when any of the 3 big ones would come and swoop you out of my arms...we will never know this side of heaven. raw.

I do that a lot. imagine.

Hope Thursday is good to you, sweet lamb. I can't wait to see you someday. (I'm in no hurry, my living children)
And to whoever reads this. God bless you this day...

Praising Him in this storm.
Will, Ethan, Melanie, Levi, Molly and Jack's mom,
Laurie

Praying for you, cousin Tory!

2011-11-09T21:20:00.001-06:00

I know you may feel like this tonight...but breathe deep...

And use my tried and true stress reduction kit....this has saved me many times.

This is another way I deal with stress....though this is not me in this picture, I am quite accomplished at this yoga pose....hee hee.

And this one too...when I'm feeling especially stressed (which seems to be often anymore...) I break out this extreme yoga pose...this may even be me. ha ha. can you believe how agile I am? yeeee-ikes.

I kid, but really, I am thinking of you tonight, praying that your defense goes AMAZINGLY well tomorrow...and that grad school isn't far behind. While I am running kids to and fro, I will be wondering if you are in the midst of presenting.

Sooooo, what I'm trying to say is...when you get finished tomorrow, however that actually goes...jump on here, after a little celebrating, and let this ol' worn out cousin of yours know how it all went down.

That is at the forefront of my brain tonight.

Enjoyed a nice workout at the (klepto) YMCA with my sister and my daughter.
Had a nice day being at home, getting stuff caught up, bills paid and even got to visit with my adorably pregnant, beauty of a neighbor, Tashena. (Hi Tashena...your cookies and vanilla chai are the best!)
Talked on the phone with SHELLEE....all the way from Japan. soo great to hear her beautiful voice and she explained a beautiful gift she'd sent me that I will be blogging about very soon. I'm so excited and thrilled.
Got some good math (and other stuff but ya know...) done with Levi.
Molly did her school today too, and she bug bug bugs to do hers while I'm in the midst of Levi's so I get her going on her Handwriting without Tears etc. It requires a lot of coloring and pre-k stuff and she quits on the coloring pretty early in the game because she's "tired, pretend tired, from all this coloring. my hand hurts"

handwriting and old fashioned forms of communico really are lost arts.

So, good night...I can hear David bellowing in our room below for all of us to get tooo bed.

praying for you, Tory...

love to all of you.

love this necklace

2011-11-08T22:26:00.000-06:00

My friend, Kellie, found this precious necklace on Etsy. I have asked my kids to go in on it for my upcoming birthday and Christmas. Maybe even Kwanzaa too...it's not cheap. but neither are these lessons and trials I find myself in.

soooo, hi.

how are you?

just when I think my life really cannot get any busier, it does. that's just perfectly fine because wow, we are embarking on some pretty cool, amazing things...but I am POOPED.

David has a meeting in the bright early morning with a group of salespeople, who will be helping his company out etc. I'm in the midst of putting together binders with all of his fliers/handouts/info, while we watch "Captain America".

My phone has not turned up but the fine folks at the Baxter YMCA did find my phone CASE. I'm sure the thief was thoroughly disappointed when I restricted the service on my phone and had it flagged as stolen. My new phone arrived by UPS today. My Chris Farley look-alike UPS guy lovingly deposited ol' Optimus on the door stoop. (love that guy, he is hilarious, ya know?)

I have so much to blog about but my brain capacity is nil tonight...hope this post finds you doing well, working hard (Tory) and enjoying this last pleasant day of autumn before the rainy, chilly stuff sets in again.

Until next time,
L

harvest party delights commence...

2011-11-06T00:23:00.000-05:00

The Phantom of the Opera prepares himself.

This is great...I check my camera and this is the kinda stuff I find.

Ok, so this is where my portion of harvest party pics end. Yeah, I know, I did it again and failed to take any pics. But my brother got a bunch and so did my dear friend, Jamie. I will try to lift some of them but if you are my friend on Facebook, surely you've seen them by now.

trick or treating with the K family and some of their friends.

Molly was a pro. She will be a great door to door salesperson someday.

Levi, in sugared out mode, apparently

I think all of this candy is GONNNNNNE.

the three amigos

Hi.

I won't say much because, after this day of sheer madness, I am plum tuckered.

I hope to have my phone back in 3-5 business days but until then, call or text me on Mel's phone if you need me.

I will email you the number.

My phone never turned up.

I hate that someone would be scummy enough to rip off another person's phone.

My faith in people continues to plummet.

My faith in God continues to soar.

Hi-dee-ho

good night.

hope you are doing well, cousin Tory.

you too, dear neighbor, Tashena.

and you too, kinda neighborly, Jodi.

love to you all.

peace

good night, sweet Jack.

So the fun weekend began...

2011-11-04T11:16:00.003-05:00

You are with us everywhere, little friend.

Last Friday, October 28th, we took the kids to the Indianapolis Zoo, Zoo Boo.
We then managed, somehow, to lose Levi's tiny cowboy hat. Molly left her good mood somewhere else too.

I took more pix of this but they are on my phone. which got stolen at the YMCA last night.

Here they are, in all their glory. and they are loving every minute of it.
Where did these big ol' kids come from?

OK, Tory, so this pic and the next are for you. Since we didn't make it to the Waterman's Fall Festival this year, this Zoo one may just have to do. Which bummed me because it was wayyy too short for Will, Ethan and Mel to stand in front of. waaaa. Molly's a tad over 3 feet. wow.

We got to take the train ride, which I had kinda forgotten about...very cool!

Gaggle of humans that I love.

Molly was our cruise director. surprised?

the pressure was mounting...

in the pavilion, the zoo hosted some Fallish activities...the bounce house was a huge hit with our littlest ones.

I was rather surprised when Highway to H*ll by AC/DC came on over the (very) loud speakers. They had a DJ so the guy had to know he was playing a rather inappropriate song in the children's tent. really? sheesh.

This is the last time that we saw Levi's tiny hat. I think David set it down somewhere and we just forgot it. We are so air-headed anyways....Ethan totally wishes he was small enough to get in the bouncy house. He may have even been crying here...yup, I think he was.

This is just a taste of the Harvest party pix...Molly can be so temperamental. Mel is such a good big sis to her and Molly plays the drama queen card quite often. ugh. I will say it again...it really is a good thing YOU are cute, Molly...your saving grace...

Last Friday began a whirlwind weekend of fun and sheer crazy.

Thursday night: David is legally required to host a yearly shareholder meeting. We hosted the said event at our church building, with good food and floor samples set around for the people to see for themselves. He and Juan got to answer questions, talk about the floor and after a week of fasting, (essentially, only eating oatmeal, veggies, fruit) #1-4, David and I ate some fattening food and boy!! was it ever tasty.

Friday: Up early for kid drop off to Grandma's, retrieval of Uncle Tom and Grandpa to head to the Indiana Repertory Theatre's production of William Shakespeare's JULIUS CAESAR. We were there with Will and Ethan's Literature class (Southside Christian Homeschool Academy) and got to sit in the very front row. Imagine this...it was like being in the splash zone in the dolphin house at the zoo...the spit we saw flying was amazing. The play was incredible and we stayed after for the question time. Such fun and what fun memories!
Met Grams to pick up #4-5 and give Gramps and Tom back, head to Zoo Boo, tire ourselves, head to Movies 8 to see Cars 2, drop Mel at Kaleo for her "Where's Waldo" Clue Party, pick up Piper and Nora for sleepover.
Home to prep for next day's events...
Back to get Mel at 10 p.m.

Saturday: Up and at 'em.
Thank the Lord for my kids because, after the past 4.5 months, I did not want to embark on this project. Will and Ethan financed the whole event and the 3 big kids got pretty much everything ready. How cool is that?

I'd say pretty cool.

I shall blog about the harvest bash later on...for now, we are heading out for another fun Friday, hoofing it thru the hills of southern Indiana...Bloomington, Nashville. Olive Garden. ha ha.

At the end of this evening, we will be depositing our 3rd child at the Hilltop Christian Campground for her overnighter with Kaleo.
Gotta Go...

Here 'n' There Morning with Molly

2011-11-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

This is a post I found in my draft box this morning...it's from September of 2008. Can't wait to have grandkids someday! I will be the best blogging gramma.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Molly is a royal spaz. I've also mentioned that she reminds a lot of us in my family of her big brother, Will, when he was 14 months old. That boy was non-stop movement as well.

Why am I posting this? so I will remember for years to come. So I will remember, when I get that uterine urge to pro-create again, why I shan't. I'm 35.5 right now...I could handle this busy baby stuff when I was 22, 23...and such. but now I'm just old. look at me, I'm old. (what movie is THAT from?) so, that is why I blog about this. if it bores you, leave. :) if it is ok with you, then you must be related to us one way or another.

Molly, today, at the age of 14 months, you are just so darn adorable. You are carrying a purse around on your shoulder. It's cute because you hold your arm up in the air. (I got pix of it so beware...it will show up on here). You talk all the time. You love to be chased. Your laugh is infectious and pure, not bar wenchy like mine. You have four teeth. you are still a momma's girl (and that's ok because I am too)...your hair is stick straight in front and curly in the back (nice mullet, kid)...You walk more than you crawl. You actually like Levi right now. You can tell the difference when one of your siblings is taking care of you...you prefer Mel over all those stinky boys, though they are all excellent with you! You shake your head no when asked something, even if you aren't sure what we are talking about. You are stubborn and beautiful!

soundtrack of my Thursdays...18

2011-11-03T15:42:00.000-05:00

Sam and Frodo are sitting on a mound of earth, as everything around them is being destroyed by molten lava. it seems like a pretty hopeless situation...the music in this scene is pretty cool.

This gigantic eagle flies in and rescues them...this is the scene I imagine when I thing of Jack leaving this earth. The music in this part just takes my breath away. We have this soundtrack in the CD player in the Ol' Grey Mare (my van). Number 16..that's the song from this scene...not sure what it's called right now but it makes me cry as I imagine my sweet wiggly boy taking off on Eagle's Wing to glory.
I am not saying I even know how it is when one leave's their earthly shell....I don't. But since losing our boy, I imagine all sorts of ways in which we do exit this life.
Such a brave little guy.

Chris Rice's "Untitled Hymn: Come to Jesus" is always a tear-jerker.
It makes sense every day...

"When you can't contain your JOY inside..."

Hi.Can you believe that it's another Thursday, and rainy to boot?
I am completely disheveled in my thoughts today.
I do know this much...just when I think I'm doing "all right",
I hit another rough patch...
Sunday was Jack's 4 month mark with Jesus, which I'm sure where he is at, time means nothing.
To me, it seems an eternity. I'm still waiting to hold him and do all the things that new mom's do...
I'm in a sort of limbo.

If you've ever been pregnant, you know what I am referring to.

I went to my first support group meeting on Tuesday night. My sister and mom joined me.
It was a surreal moment...talking to complete strangers about Jack...and breaking down, crying about it. I felt ridiculous.

I have a Harvest Party to blog about, trick or treating with the K family, JOY Ministries and other things rolling around in my dingy ol' head.

Forgive my air-headedness.
Thursdays really do a number on me.

Happy Birthday, October boys!!

2011-10-31T22:45:00.001-05:00

My dad, Jim, celebrated his 64th birthday last week. Levi turned 9 this very day.
Monday October 31, 2011.
David's Dad, Carl, had his 65th birthday last Wednesday.

Hard to believe that 9 years ago, I had a baby boy that survived, though he did have his cord around his neck. Levi was my tiniest baby and laid back, non-chalant from the get-go. He struggled from the very start...I am so thankful for the gift of Levi.

He loves to play piano...he can hear a tune and figure out how to play it.
He is very sensitive to certain sounds.
He is not getting along with Molly too well at this stage of life...he lets her boss him around and rough him up. He won't stand up for himself to save his sweet little life.

One more year in the single digits, boy!!

So glad that God gave us the gift of YOU.

Levi Taylor Young
Thursday, October 31, 2002
7 lbs, 3 oz
1:00 p.m.

Happy birthday, Levi!!
Happy belated birthday, Dad G!
Happy belated birthday, Dad Y!

seventeen

2011-10-27T09:37:00.002-05:00

I can find you anywhere, sweetie

perfection, if not slightly bruised from his fast exit.

I can't believe that our sweet cherub left us 17 Thursdays ago.

it just does

not

seem possible that the baby I grew with fresh salsa, boiled eggs, salmon

and other good foods

is not here with us.

he actually tied a knot in his lifeline but kept himself alive till the very end

when the process that brought him out

cut off his blood supply

and he faded from this life

into life eternal, glorious

surrounded by angels

loved ones

Jesus Christ

and God the Father

On this gloomy, rainy Thursday, that is at the head of a crazy busy weekend,

I will choose JOY and cling to the promise of that eternal life

and the fact that I know where my sweet boy is

Safe in the arms of Jesus

I love you, sweet Jack Oliver.

I will never be the same.

YOU have impacted so many people's lives.

darling

staircase gallery

2011-10-22T22:42:00.002-05:00

eventually, I'd like to have artwork all around the cubby that encases our staircase. Starting now, from the left, next to the red chimney flue, is Melanie's beautiful Van Gogh-inspired flower pot...next, Levi's acrylic painting of our house. 3rd, my rendition of Van Gogh's sunflowers and 4th, Levi got all geometric on us...You can't see Molly's painting, which is to the right of Levi's geo painting...I have more to put up but this will do for now. A lovely use of odd space, I do believe.

Hi.

How are you?

doing well, I do hope.

I've inserted a picture of our new staircase art gallery.

I am really trying to implement art, to some degree, in the kids' school this year.

Mel, Levi, Molly and I did some oil pastels and chalk art last week. I actually think I like it.

Molly did ok, considering her age...but got all moody and temperamental when I helped her or told her she couldn't use one of the art tools. geez.

Anyways, hope you enjoy.

I'm outta here.

choose JOY.

Friends from far away and memorials

2011-10-21T17:11:00.001-05:00

Becky with sweet Grace

Soooo great to see you after all these years, Shellee. Such a comfort and encouragement you've been to me, even from across the globe. Please pray for this dear one and her sweet baby girl, Grace, who is pictured above with my sister...as they fly back to Japan next week.

I didn't expect to see this today but what a ?pleasant? surprise. as far as surprises go...and all. I mean, I'm still pretty surprised that my baby isn't here. the ultimate surprise.

Today was a wonderful day...I woke up early (for me) and headed to Sbux to meet Shellee, Grace (her first daughter after 8 strapping, handsome young men), Denise, her beautiful kids, Levi and Ema. The effort that was made for that meeting was not of this world. Shellee, you may not read this for a time but seeing you was just amazing, such comfort and joy to me to get to see you after all these years. So glad to get to hug you and meet your beautiful baby girl! Denise, thank you so much for facilitating the get together....you two have been such a blessing to me anyways, but in the past few months, since Jack left, your encouraging words and prayers have held me up. God is good. all the time. We will be praying for safety for you and Grace as you head back to your men.

I was out running errands and thought, "Hmmm, since it is such a lovely day and it's been so poopy outside all week, I shall go visit Jack's grave." As I walked up the hill to his site, tears hit, as they do...and then it hit me...his stone and bronze plaque are here!! After a few moments of tears and prayers, I cleaned up his spot and headed to the Forest Lawn office to retrieve his temporary marker. I was so excited to get to put it in JOY's garden.

They can't find it.

what?

Jay, the guy that helped us on that July 1 day...told me he'd order a replacement. Somehow that didn't console me like it maybe should have. He said he'd look thru the 200 stones in their garage and let me know but a new one is on order.

nothing like a punch in the gut, ya know? it's bad enough my little guy isn't here, could you at least make sure you hang onto our temporary for us? and hey, maybe even call us to tell us his official stone was in? yeah, no call.

I'm trying not to be peeved about this because in the whole scheme of my life, this is small.

it really just makes me chuckle.
because if I don't chuckle, I will cry again.

Thanks Mom, Dad, Jen, for coming down to sit with me Wed. night.
Thanks to all of my people, all around me, who find ways to pray, encourage, remember JOY, find things that say JOY on them and just plain ol' loving me and letting me talk about my sweet boy and the situation that has changed my life forever, and the lives of Jack's dad, and siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and relatives and friends.

I have soooo many thank you notes to write. I've gotten started and I just want all of the people that fed us, sent us remembrances etc in the past few months, to know just how much we love and appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I am still blown away.

praising God for the gift of people.

Happy Weekend to You!!

hello Thursday...

2011-10-20T16:06:00.004-05:00

16 Thursdays ago...
Jack took off for Glory and left me with this mushy body and nothing to show for it.

Hello on this dreary, depressing, a lot like my mood kinda day, week.

David, Will and Ethan have been gone to Illinois since Monday. Should I expound on this?

I will say this...I realize who fills up my schedule the most. And I also realize who makes all the messes.

anyways........................

it has been a rough few days. I have absolutely NO get up and go.

I cry for no apparent reason.

well, I mean, the reason is apparent to me...and I pray most folks understand that this is where I'm at right now.

I still know where Jack is.

but I still want him here. and I hear stories about other people, babies, whatever....

and I just feel mad.

Then God, the Holy Spirit, redirects me to that place where I know HE is in control and that He has a plan.

He will be glorified.

I will rest in that.

Hope is born of suffering.

Have a JOYFUL Thursday.

Jack

Oliver

Young

6.30.11

never forgotten

Henry Ford Museum...part I

2011-10-18T21:50:00.001-05:00

I have a strange preoccupation with Abraham Lincoln and slaves. I am particularly drawn to really tall guys. David is not super tall but he's just right at 6 foot. Marshall Matt Dillon on Gunsmoke is particularly tall.

Ok, I'm not really sure what my point was in that...but looking at the Abe Lincoln displays at the Ford Museum just brought this preoccupation with tallness to the forefront of my warbly, cuckoo mind.

I think Abraham Lincoln was pretty cool. I like that he was in office when slavery was abolished.

There is no connection to anything I'm blogging tonight. I just wanted to start getting my MI pics up on here and will caption them at a later date, for Melanie and I are taking advantage of our girl time and we are beginning to Smash in our Smash books. What fun is this?? Molly just diarrhea-ed in her Pull-Up, after bouncing from the chair to the couch and back again. I was really hoping she'd fall asleep a bit ago, but no. She'd obviously snuck some of my coffee. ack.

David and the big boys are in Illinois till Thursday.
Levi is at Aunt Sherry and Uncle John's for the night...Mel and I got a good work out in at the YMCA. I have absolutely no motivation, whatsoever, to do anything out of the ordinary. Heck, even ordinary things seem to be too much for me right now. I'm not sure what's going on...if this is the stage of grief that I'm in...I am at a complete loss. Life is beautiful...Bring the Rain...look up the lyrics to that MercyMe song...it's playing on my playlist to the right...a beautiful song. perfect. especially today with this chilly rain.

fits my mood to a T.

Off to Smash with my patient, loving 13 year old girl. Adios!

Miss you, Sweet Jack.

cute little nieces and a quick update

2011-10-17T09:08:00.001-05:00

Nora Jean 4 years
sweet little munchkin

Piper Elizabeth 7 years
precious little lady

I always love school picture time. Ours is a little more hit or miss but not Gray Road Christian Schools! They are ON IT, man!!

I will try to be a good schoolmarm and get some "official", "for the record" kinds of pix of my offspring onto my beloved blog. I know you are just chomping at the bit for them.

David, Will and Ethan are heading over to his parents' house for 3 sleeps. Mel, Levi, Molly and I have great big plans: cover the pool, go to a scrappin' event at Tonya's, Levi gets to spend the night with Aunt Sherry and Uncle John, Zoo with Beck and the girls above, we may even fit some school in.

I will definitely aim to get one of my posts up that I mentioned last week. I am a force to be reckoned with right now, here, there, everywhere.

Happy Monday to YOU!

this boy turns 17

2011-10-16T16:23:00.002-05:00

I can hardly believe it. At 7:34 p.m., Will greets 17.

I remember the day vividly.

It was actually a day very similar to this, weather-wise.

Happy Birthday, Will Franklin Young.

You are one of the finest!

15 Thursdays ago...

2011-10-13T09:38:00.002-05:00

Miss you, Sweet Jack Oliver Young.

Today is a busy day.

I just wanted to drop in and say HI.

15 Thursdays ago.

Anyways, this weekend, October 15th, is National Babyloss Awareness Day.

I'm so glad my baby's not LOST.

I know right where he is.

In the Arms of his Savior.

I'm Jealous. :)

I really hope to get back on here later to blog our trip to MI and my amazing visit with a Saint of the Faith, Valetta Steel Crumley yesterday.

But tonight I'm joining the Y again and I could NOT be happier.

So "happy" Thursday.

Barb is awesome!

2011-10-12T09:32:00.001-05:00

Barb, who has been our family friend (mom knew her from working at Fox Center) for over 20 years, was as gracious and hospitable as always. Thank you, sweet lady, for opening your lovely home to us, for all the amazing food, and for just plain being awesome!

I will be back to blog about our wonderful trip to MI later on...but I just wanted to make an appearance...I mean, I didn't want to make an appearance because after looking at any pix of me from the trip, it's a really good thing that Becky noticed the free joining fee flyer at the Y for the next week...YIKES!!

Yeah, I'm post-partum but usually having the baby here helps .... gives me a good excuse for some extra weight...

time's up.

Happy Wednesday Y'all...

there will be a day...

2011-10-05T15:33:00.002-05:00

with no more sorrow, no more tears...

today is not that day.

I went out early with David today. He had a work meeting and then an eye appointment...pupils dilated...looking weird he is! Our last stop, after coffee, was to the Marion County Health Dept. to pick up Jack's death certificate.

sounds "easy" right? went thru the motions, showed 'em my ID, waited for them call Jack's name...waaa...paid $15 for said document...

Walked out the door and......

bawled in the beautiful sunlight...that weird sobbing that I've become very accustomed to of late. from the depth of my being....Driving on highway 70, with tear soaked eyeballs, mascara running down my face, and a husband with spooky, dilated eyes..we were quite a pair.

I mean, I knew how he died...but seeing it on a notarized document was just too much. So final.

Cause of death A. Complications of birth with knot in cord

Cause of death B. Neonatal asphyxia with cord compression

Isn't that raw?

I will still lift my face to the heavens. I will still seek Your face...I don't understand this. Probably never will...but I trust in Jesus Christ. God the Father. This hurts. this sucks (pardon me) I can't believe it actually happened to us. I can't believe I held that little guy on my chest and he was gone. I grew him, he was perfect, he had all of his parts, whole...but in the end, the very thing that was his lifeline, took his life...natural causes the certificate says. Yup, it's true. man.

Ok, well, I need to go...Beck and I are going to visit Jack's grave together and pray tonight. I am truly honored to have her in my life. even if I am the original funny (to blog about this another day).

Upcoming blog posts I need to remember:

Meeting with Valetta Steel Crumley on Wed Oct 12
Becky and how she gets all of her jokes/material from me
Our trip to MI

...I will still lift my face to the heavens...

2011-10-03T23:16:00.002-05:00

One of my all time faves. My brother's camera is magical. 10/16/10

Do you ever hear a song that you've listened to over and over and over and over and over again and then you hear it again, for like the bajillionth time and it has whole new meaning or you hear something you hadn't noticed before or you appreciate it like you never have?

I did that today with a Jars of Clay song that is in my Jack Oliver Young playlist on my iPod. It's called The Valley Song. (I had it on my blog playlist over there but it's gone now). I clicked on it, listened and the floodgates opened as Mel and I walked today. It's hard to walk and close your eyes. my exercise time always makes me cry...and not just because it's hard to make yourself do something challenging like that and I'm uber lazy and kinda resentful right now. (I'm not at the point in my post-partum exercise journey where I LOVE, using that term lightly, to run or look forward to the rush of endorphins...it will come, just not yet). I am "resentful" because I keep thinking, "I gained all that weight, went thru alllll of that, and I don't even have a sweet baby boy back home, waiting for me to get done exercising!!"

If you can find it, you should...it's my new anthem. The words will stop you in your tracks. The chorus goes "I will sing of Your mercy that leads me thru valleys of sorrow to rivers of JOY....." each verse is just incredible, astounding, and deep for anyone who calls on the name of Jesus Christ.

~This picture has nothing more to do with tonight's post than the simple fact that it was taken the day I found out, took my little test, that I was expecting. And another simple fact...it's just an awesome pic that makes me smile and so glad that God put this little whirling dervish into my life, into our lives. She is beautiful. I look at her and I can see what Jack would've been like...without the insane love of princess movies, boa's, clicky shoes and dress up...I think he would've been mischievous but non-dramatic. I also think he would have had her light blue eyes and smattering of freckles.

Let me leave you with this...and lemme tell you, I'm chock full o' goodies but I will limit myself:

In church yesterday, Randy was preaching from the book of Jude...and somewhere toward the middle to end of his message, he mentioned standing before God...and I had the coolest thought/vision/picture of me standing at His feet, with Jack in my arms. and all that crazy, light brown hair sticking straight up, while he smiles up at me and coos. I don't know how all of that goes, but for now, these images help me thru the days.

Ok, one last thought...TORY??? where are you?

Allright, good night. God bless you.

forgive this all over the place post. I am such a ding dong.

3 months is a long time but not really...

2011-09-30T14:06:00.000-05:00

Jack Oliver Young
6.30.2011

A heart of gold stopped beating,

Two shining eyes at rest.

God broke our hearts to prove,

He only takes the best.

God knows you had to leave me,

But you did not go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day He took you home.

(I saw this poem on Maddie's blog, over to the right)

It's been three months, right now.

I can scarcely believe it.

I've had some good cries today.

Now I'm going to go take a walk, and cry some more.

If we learn nothing else from this trial,

Come to Jesus and live.

Can't wait to see you again, sweet JackYoung the Brave.

Up

2011-09-28T14:42:00.001-05:00

As Molly says, "Hello Jack Butterfly!"

Levi manning the back hoe

Burying Bilbo...our first lizard to perish. awww.

This is where Gracie is buried. We have a regular ol' Pet Sematary, folks.

cheeseball

glad to see the polar bear exhibit has an inhabitant

These five otters cracked me up. I told the kids they reminded me of them. They came running up to us and were squawking at me like my kids would.

I really do love giraffes. They are spectacular, amazing and serene.

Can you read this? On June 25 of this year, five days before Jack's birth/death, the gazelles at the Indy Zoo welcomed a baby girl, named Anuli, which is Nigerian for JOY...and she was sired by "Jack".

Whatta life...oh to be a gross rhino.

Molly and Levi taking a break....

The new elephant baby, I forgot to check out the name. It/he/she was so cute, copying off of it's momma.

The boys, in cooking class, with Miss Kitty. Our new homeschool co-op, which isn't new, we just haven't been in it for 3 years, has been really great!

My Jack Oliver ring. It has his birthdate after his name...6.30.11

I'm in the midst of schooling Levi and Molly right now but wanted to get more pix on here...I will update this later. maybe.

Ok, so I'm here to update...

I still haven't gotten the few pix of this past weekend up on my comp. I'm a picture loser.

ha ha.

It's funny how you become painfully aware of something when you've been thru something painful. E.G. you get cancer, you become aware of other cancer patients, run/walks related to that cancer, movies about cancer, etc. know what I mean?

It's the same with babyloss. Looking back, I realize just how much it had touched me before Jack. books I'd read, movies, stories I've heard, blogs I'd visited, etc.

I was just downstairs watching UP with Molly and Levi...it's such a great movie anyway. But I think the thing that makes it sooo amazing is it's realness. The beginning, when you see Carl and Ellie living their lives, is so beautiful. The music, the colors, the scenes...

WHAM!! there's the scene where they are laying on a blanket, looking up at the clouds. The clouds turn into babies. They paint the nursery and dream about babies.

KA-POW! you see Carl and Ellie sitting in a doctor's office...she's bent over crying.

It's funny that I'm relating to a cartoon character today. Not that I've never known the JOY of having a baby...because I have. I don't mean to be insensitive or "poor me"...

But it always "seemed" to come so easy.

It's not. It's fragile {life, that is}. God is chiseling away at me and it hurts.

I was emptying old photo albums today. I found one from when David and I were first married...and I had stuck a pic in the back of me, sitting on the floor immediately after Will was born.

It made me cry.

Watch out, blog faithfuls...we are coming up on October and I'm usually weepy this month anyways...not considering just how poignant this month is in my life, and how much more it is now.

Hope your Wednesday has continued to be nothing short of JOYFUL.

Savor each moment...it's hard, isn't it?

This time last year

2011-09-28T10:18:00.001-05:00

This time last year, we were enduring very dry soccer. But it was so cool to see Will in peak form. This boy was made for soccer.

I had shorter hair and my arms were starting to trim down (for me, anyways)

Go Will.

This time last year, we were a family of 7. Little did we know that one month later, we'd find out that the 8th member would be joining us. This pic was taken by my brother at Greenfield Village in MI.

David and I enjoyed our FIRST getaway, just the two of us, with no intent to work or anything other than relax and spend time TOGETHER, this past weekend. I hope to blog some of those pix when I get them downloaded off of my phone.

It's funny because I always have some form of a blog post rolling around in my jumbly head.

I cannot believe how foggy, scattered, mushy, rambly my head and thoughts are.

All that to say, HI. I had a great blog post in my head while Mel and I walked yesterday afternoon. But sitting here, I can't even begin to retrieve what it was. And I always think "This one is sooooo good, there is NO way I will ever forget it!!"

Yeah, I did.

So you're stuck with this boring, This time last year post.

We are about to embark on our year of firsts. or nine months of firsts.

1.) On October 16th, 2010 (Will's 16th birthday no less) I found out I was expecting. We went to a soccer game down south that day. This day will be hard. not only because Jack took a detour to a much better place but because my firstborn will be turning SEVENTEEN.

That just sounds OLD.

2.) Thanksgiving weekend of 2010 was when I officially told people, on FB or on my blog that we were crazy and expecting. I was over the moon, aside from the nausea and general foreboding.

3.) Last Christmas, I went sledding. while 14 weeks pregnant. My midwife said I could. I remained pretty active in the beginning. I can't help but think that my spastic lifestyle put a knot in Jack's cord. I also had visions of sugar plums and plump babies for this Christmas of 2011, for Jack would be 6 months old.

I know it seems that I dwell on him. And I think I'm allowed to. It was only 3 months ago...13 weeks tomorrow. I am a mom to five living, healthy, awesome, beautiful, intelligent kids and one angel baby. I don't ever want my kids or you to think that I don't (try to) cherish each day with my five alive. They are gifts to me.

I can't help but imagine what Jack would be doing as we come up to what would have been his 3 month mark. This blog is definitely a place where I can put my thoughts...I know I won't always be in this place. Which could be good or sad.

I should probably take his crib down. but I don't wanna. I should probably take his changing table down, but I think I'm doing good just to have emptied it into a rubbermaid tote, marked Jack Oliver Young - 6.30.11. I cry for you, little wild haired wonder boy.

I will always wonder about my 4th son, 6th child. I will look forward to the day where I will see his sweet face, opened eyes, and hear his voice. I don't have to wonder about his siblings. Praise the Lord.

I am blessed. I am truly blessed.

I have to go...gotta get some pix downloaded, get some kids on task, and spend some time in prayer and in God's Word. I hope that you are having a wonderful Wednesday...

Driveway Dig Up and oh what a delight!

2011-09-19T23:46:00.001-05:00

this was last Thursday, if I remember correctly...

and so was this. but who can remember details like those?

well, there is our gas line...I know I still haven't blogged about that but you can imagine that just the fact that I'm even mentioning it is not good. David knicked it on THURSDAY (our least favorite day of the week), Sept 8...and we are waiting, anxiously, for our Vectren bill to show up. oh boy.

some progress...

This drive will be level.

weird, huh?

Uncle John and Uncle Vincey, planning how they will conquer that darned tree stump. Notice Jack's sweet garden right behind it.

Don't look at me like that, boy. Vince doubted his mad back ho skills but we did NOT. This guy can do just about anything he sets his mind to.

Uncle John

Our poor canopy toppled...

Saturday: Vince in the bucket, on his way to trim a pesky tree branch.

Whatta guy...

I will have more pix on this latest adventure at our house but for now, I must close my eyes and go to the place where my troubles melt away like lemon drops...

Good night and God bless you...

JOY earrings...

2011-09-19T23:25:00.001-05:00

I know it's hard to see the tiny pictures, maybe you can click on it and it will enlarge it.

So I'm getting all crafty yo and making JOY earrings. I love David's silhouette in the background. Mr. Elliptical Man.

Happy, gushy Monday to you. I love all this rain. On Monday. with a torn up driveway that gushes mud all. over. the. place. but enough about that. I will blog those pix in a minute.

Today would have been Sullivan R's first birthday. I spent a good portion of my day praying, crying and thinking of my friend, Jamie, his momma. As I said on yesterday's post, I can't tell you if I've ever officially met her in person. I know her sister, Sandy, and cousin, Stephanie. I went to the same church as her for about 8 months. We connected on Facebook because of our losses. Sweet Sully met Jesus on Jan 11, 2011 and Sweet Jack met Jesus on June 30, 2011. I am really looking forward to meeting up with her tomorrow, giving her a big ol' hug and just listening to her talk of her angel boy. I think we are meeting downtown and will either take in sights at the zoo or the canal. I hear the weather is supposed to be favorable.

In 10 days, it will be the 3 month mark. Looking at the pix, which I see here and there daily, brings the pain of this loss to the surface daily. I want to know what his eyes look like. I bet they would've been beauties just like Molly's (and Will's, Ethan's, Melanie's, and Levi's).

that is one of the facts that haunts me. I'm sure they were open that very day...I'd like to think he was looking around as they say babies do in utero...in anticipation of finally meeting us face to face. So close.

and then I start floating.

On FB tonight, my status update read something like this...didn't Gerber, Pampers, Enfamil and all these local photographers get the memo that my baby did not make it? I got an envelope today. It looked kind of important, maybe like it had $1,000 in it. Yeah, no...it was a 3 page, really nice add from a Bloomington photog guy, offering me a newborn photo shoot for my new baby. Where did he get my address? If I hadn't been feeling so sorry for myself, I'd have felt horrible for tossing the nice presentation he sent. Sorry Kip May...I'm sure you do a wonderful job capturing all those beautiful new moments. And I may have even given you a chance, if Jack was here.

so, tonight, whatever you are doing, send up a prayer for hurting momma's and daddy's like Jamie, like David and I, like others that I won't mention. We could really use the peace that passes all understanding. I know Jamie would appreciate it.

And maybe someday, these posts will make some sense. Until they do, thanks so much for your patience and for coming around

Sully

2011-09-18T15:27:00.003-05:00

Sullivan

This little cutie pie is Sully. There is a long story associated with him and I am not at liberty to share.

Here's how I know of Sully.

I married David Young, who grew up in Danville, Illinois. He went to church at Calvary Baptist. He was friends with Sandy and Jamie R. When I married him in 1993, I acquired some great friends, though it's been way too long since I've seen Sandy. Jamie is her older sister. I did not know her while I lived in Illinois for 8 short months from December 1993-August 1994. We may have smiled at each other at church, and I may have met her but I've lost lots of brain cells since then. and I was struggling to keep them even then.

Jamie was this little guy's momma. He left this earth and went to Jesus on January 11, 2011.

Tomorrow, September 19, 2011, would have been his first earthly birthday. Instead, he celebrates and worships the Lord Jesus Christ. I'd like to think he's hanging with Jack Oliver. Showing him the ropes and in's and out's of Glory. You are missed, sweet Sully boy. I will get to meet his momma, Jamie, officially, sadly, joyously, this coming Tuesday and we will talk of our sweet boys. We share a sad bond but one that I know the Lord will use and has used.

To bring comfort, peace, JOY, and encouragement.

God bless you and give you big hugs, Jamie.

to where you are...

2011-09-17T00:14:00.001-05:00

May 18, 2011
still can't believe our baby isn't here. still hasn't sunk in.

Today has been weird. but good. driveway work is underway and oh, what a mess. piles and piles of dirt and tree roots.

I was so busy throughout most of the daytime that I barely had time to grasp that Jack's not here.

I got in the car to run a few errands, by myself...and it hit me. like it always does.

I should have a baby seat in the row of seats behind me. I miss you, JackYoung the Brave.

So, let me get on my soap box. for just a minute...for myself just as much...

CHERISH, hug, kiss, smile at, apologize to your loved ones. Only one life...and it's a twinkle of an eye.

I was enjoying some time with my dear friend, Jennifer P tonight...we rarely, if ever, get to just sit and chat. She's a mother of 6. I'm mothering five. In fact, her and I sat right here in my living room, early in the summer of 2010 and "planned", if you will, our sixth babies. When she found out her March 2011 baby was a girl and my June 2011 baby was a boy, you'd better believe we were matchmaking. She was even on call to be at Jack's birth.

She came to the hospital that sadly holy June evening when my boy took flight on eagle's wings to Christ. (Insert Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, Frodo and Samwise on big eagle music here. it'll knock your socks, or flip flops, off)

All that to say, this girl is dear to me...and I am thankful for the encouragement of a fellow momma. We both got teary eyed recalling how quickly our kids are growing.

Thank you, Jen, for taking the time out of your motherly duties to be with me tonight. Thank you for stressing the importance of spending one on one time with each of my kids. I am blessed to call you my friend and love you, dear sister.

I really could go on but tomorrow, David, our kids, my sis and her family as well as Amanda and Maria, will be visiting the Caribbean Cove water park. I need to get rested up for all that slip sliding and such.

Edit: We are not going to slip n slide fun today. this is for future reference when I try to recall this event when looking back on my blog.

Cousin fun boo yah

2011-09-14T22:41:00.000-05:00

Ethan is like the Pied Piper of little kids...they gravitate to him. Go E!!

On my mom's side of the family tree, these are almost all of my Grandma Taylor's great grand daughters, minus my niece, Phebe. that's a lotta X's and Y's.

My BIL, Scott, hanging with my cousins Ken, stripes, and Scott, red.

The four chickies in the front row?? yeah, all born between May and August of 2007. A very girly reproductive year for the fam. L to R starting with Miss Polka dots, Nora (Beck & Scott's second daughter), Molly (our second daughter), Evie (Scott & Jen's 2nd girl), Taylor (Dawn's 2nd girl). Hmmm, how funny...and they are all seconds. funnnnn-y stuff. Piper (Beck's 1st), Laynee (Dawn's 1st), Natalee (Scott's first), Levi (my 3rd boy)
Melanie, Will, Ethan (all mine, baby)

All of my Gram T's grandkids, minus Andy, so we had Ethan stand in for him.

fun in the hotel cafe...good times. good. times.

Ethan with Laynee.

Evie and Taylor. stacking booster seats.

Hello and happy Wednesday evening.
Aren't you glad that I finally got these cousins pix up? I know I am.
These pix are from July 16, 2011. So thankful for my Michigan family. They drove down to celebrate Jack's life with us. Eventually, I'd like to post my cousin Scott's letter to Jack on here. But for now, it's tucked safely in JOY's green scrapbook. Thank you, guys. David and I truly appreciate the efforts that were made to be here. I love you all.
Tomorrow is a busy day so I'm outta here...

Finding JOY in the Unexpected...

2011-09-13T12:26:00.003-05:00

I got this necklace from my friend, Ewa (pronounced Eh-vah), who is from Poland. She goes to Calvary Chapel with us. Her husband, Jason, is our worship leader. He played guitar at Jack's Celebration. They have 3 beautiful homeschooled kids. I love them. She presented me with this beauty on Sunday.

She was a little worried because it is a necklace that she's worn faithfully for a few years now. She thought I'd think it was weird to give me a "hand-me-down". Oh Contrar (how DO you spell that??)...I was speechless. Still kinda am. Thank you, so much, Ewa. I just love it.

I get a welling in my gut when I think on Jack's initials, the attribute that we prayed God would bring us with Jack's life. And all the kind things people do for us to show us they too are seeking JOY and remembering how special it is to have JOY and just how important Jack's life was.

I stand in awe.

School pictures, take ONE

2011-09-13T12:16:00.003-05:00

Will, 16, but not for long. Pray for this boy, he's been pretty sick lately.

Ethan, 15 for another six months or less. I think his cold is letting up but he's been pretty sick too.

Melanie, 13 since end o' May.

Levi, who is 8 till Halloween, and more than slightly cheesy. :)

And then there's Molly, who wears FOUR with pride.
Tom took a pic of each of the kids with their hands on their hips, looking off into the distance. The wind swirled around Moo's head and I was afraid we wouldn't get her to hold still long enough. Alas, my fears were unfounded when Tom was able to catch this beauty. Her hair swooshed out of her face just in time...He got it blown up into a 16x20 for me. hilarious.

Hi.
I wanted to get these school pix on here but never fear, I have not forgotten that I posted a pic of my kids with cousins, cousins and more cousins last week or the week before. I have been meaning to blog the pix we took when my Michigan relatives were here in July for Jack's Celebration.

Life is a whirlwind right now.

I never seem to be able to complete any one thing.
I've been unusually weepy, always on the verge of tears. I guess that's ok, but I just pray that the ache and pain of Jack's loss subsides a bit more.

I'm a little angry. yesterday and today. He was so close. He was so perfect and beautiful and BIG! He put a knot in his cord, probably months ago, when he was a tiny little thing. I'm just really sad about that. How could I have known? Jack was awesome. I can't wait to hold him in Heaven and tell him how much I love him.

but I think he knows.

Have a nice, hot September Tuesday.

A title would be nice here...

2011-09-10T11:45:00.002-05:00

Jack pillow.

a precious wall hanging.

my new journal. How many of you journal regularly? I know I do.
I have, almost regularly, since David and I got married. It's fun to read thru the ones from 1994, when my handwriting was still pretty nice. Then kids came along and it went down hill. :)
If you don't journal, you should start now. I know my kids will appreciate reading thru them when I'm gone.
Just keepin' it real.

Good Saturday morning!
I'm going to grumble for just a minute.
I love fall, autumn, chilly days.
and even some clouds now and again.
But seven straight days of it?

ok, I'm done now.

I will choose JOY in the midst of it.

I am very frustrated. At this time last year, we had been praying that the Lord would close or open the door on one last baby for our family.
He obviously sorta opened it.
And then closed it.
it is hard to come to grips with a chapter of one's life closing.
(I can't believe I'm not taking care of Jack...what I'd give to snuggle him, smell his amazing head and breath...ahhhhhh)

This is where I find my identity and have for almost the last 17 years, since Will arrived on the scene. I know, essentially, that being a mother is just ONE of my roles.

When you live and breathe babies, kids, tweens, teens for so long, I guess it's not hard to do that. (find identity there, that is)

I am still mom to Will Franklin, Ethan James, Melanie Kate, Levi Taylor, Molly Christine, and sweet angel Jack Oliver. Always will be.

What will become of me when they all go and get their own lives? I hope they will include me and David. I want to be a loving, Godly grandparent.

I wonder if I should go to college? What would I even go to college for? I'm really good at bum wiping, nose wiping, fight breaking up, facebooking, blogging, laundry, scrapbooking but I don't know that there is a degree for those mad "skills" ya know?

so that is where I'm at today...in between thoughts of cleaning, sweet Jack, sick kids, what should I do? I think the Lord might be taking me to the "next level".

Whatever that may be.

Let me leave you with this, as a friend on Facebook so creatively shared with me...
Just A Child of the King.
Jack's name makes an amazing acronym!

Let's not forget that that is our best role and most eternal.
God bless you today.

Little bits of here and there...

2011-09-09T06:08:00.001-05:00

My friend, Jamie, from Illinois, sent me this card. Her sweet little baby, Sully, is also in Heaven. Hugs to you today, my hurting friend. I will get to meet her in person, in a few weeks. She knew David when he was a lad.
I think I will have to visit the listed website to find out about this sculpture. www.themidnightorange.com

Livin' the JOY-filled life. hmmm.
It's really kinda fun to fumble my way around each day, in the name of JOY. Please help me, O Lord!

Jack would be 10 weeks old today (yesterday actually). He'd be smiling at us, maybe sleeping thru the night, and looking beautiful in red, just as all of my babies have. I had gotten him a cute little shirt with 3 tiny trucks across the chest. It's red. I couldn't wait to see him in it, though I think I knew when I bought it, that I never would. It sits, in one of many piles of adorable duds, in the changing table that has become a gathering table of sorts. The Darth Vader, "Let's Carve Pumpkins" shirt will go into a box for Will or Ethan's sons. I miss you, sweet angel boy.

I know years from now, I will look back on this strangely horrifying time and see God's hand. I can even see it now, in little everyday moments. But I can't see the big picture. I know He's working, chipping away at my old self. ouch.

I just don't feel ok. I steer clear of babies. I struggle with pregnant women. I am really surprised at how much that affects me. I asked my midwife if that was normal. yes. it's only been two months. an eternity and not.

too fresh. maybe when my arms don't ache so badly.
Maybe when replaying June 30, 2011 doesn't invade every hour of my day.
Until then, I forge ahead.

Ok, now that I got that outta my system, here's a little update:
1.) Dealing with insurance (such a scam) to get Jack enrolled, so we can cover the bills that are starting to trickle in. We have to appeal a 30-day time period, that we missed in the fog of July, to record his birth/death to Healthscope. How do you call your insurance company and tell them to please put your baby on your plan, even though he didn't make it? always makes for awkward transactions.
2.) Remind me to tell you about the gas line in our front yard.
3.) The kids are doing so well with their school, at home and at their various places of instruction. White River Home Educators for all 5 and Southside Christian Homeschool Academy for Science for the three oldest, World Lit and Comp for Will and E. Mondays and Thursdays are crazy days. crazy crazy. Someday, when all the driving and here and there is over, you can remind me that I miss it.

Mel and I took an early morning walk. I need to get on the tready to finish up my mileage but I will be back later with some pix that Tom took of the kids downtown, Labor Day.
Chow.

addendum: wow. I'm all over the place. this is a good reminder though. I have never ever felt so scatterbrained in my life. I thought I was bad before grief. sheesh.

Biking in the Culdy

2011-09-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

burning some energy in Becky's nearby cul-de-sac. good times.

Nora was just down right hilarious on her bike...as her bike would be falling after trying to maneuver curbs, she'd stay upright. and notice her zebra butterfly wings. sweet girl.

Molly. speedy.

Piper, so talented, that she can ride her sassy Barbie bike whilst scratching her tootsies.

Melanie loves her Electra.

Levi, finally getting biking. We delayed on this with him and now it's somewhat tricky for this big, nearly 9 year old boy to maneuver. Gooo LEVI!

Thanks to my cousin, Kara, who is an amazing Pinterest, Etsy, and general scout for all things cool and crafty, I will now implement JOY into every season. Not only a good reminder of a beautiful Christ-like characteristic but of a beautiful boy who was just too precious to walk this dusty ol' earth.

I miss you, Jack.

So, anyways...not much going on here except for some amazingly cool temperatures (I love you, Fall), busy schedules (holy cow, when am I supposed to breathe?), and just general struggling to keep my head above saddened waters, all is well. I talked to my incredible midwife today. I love you, Mary Helen. Thank you for thinking of me, my family and sweet little JOY boy. I hope you get your JOYful birth any day now.

I met with my friend, Christine, at Starbucks, where she had a nice display of JOY and butterfly treasures awaiting me. Today is also 1.) Stillborn, Miscarriage, SIDS awareness day, and 2.) Pumpkin Spice release date at the 'bucks. not that the two are related but....

when one is trying to make it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, finding JOY in the little things takes on a whole new meaning. ya know?

I do not take lightly the kind things that people, all of you, you know who you are...have done for me and for my family. I really could cry, and have, just recalling the kindnesses shown, the care given, the prayers lifted and the tears shed on our behalf.

Gosh. Thank You, Lord, for showing Yourself in Your people.

On a side note: we went downtown to visit Victory, the statute that sits atop the Soldiers and Sailors monument on the circle...I hope to "lift", borrow, use some of Tom's pix on here very soon.

I'm a scatterbrained ninny. Good night and God bless you.

P.S. Shellee, I do hope that when you are in town, you will give me shout out so we can meet up and hug and for me to meet Grace. but be warned. I will cry.

Ok. nighty. for reals.

cousins...

2011-09-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

more on this later....just wanted to say HI!

faces of loss, faces of HOPE

2011-09-01T07:28:00.003-05:00

I submitted my abbreviated story to Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope last week and they put it up yesterday....

facesofloss.com

no, it's not faces o' floss, as it looks...haha.

Click the link above and scroll down a few ladies...I'm there. I guess if I'd realized they'd actually post my story, I would've maybe gotten more detailed or put some Scripture with it but all in all, I'm so glad it's there. Check it out!!

I put my miscarriage that happened in 2006 on there because honestly, when I get to heaven and meet the kid (see the book "Heaven is for Real"), I didn't want him/her to be mad that I didn't count him. We named him because that made him seem more real. Which he was, but I lost him at 12 weeks. He counted...he was real. Plus, having that miscarriage, as I wrote, really did help me to cherish my pregnancy with Molly so very much.

On to a busy Thursday...tally ho!